Thursday, 16 September 2021

Standings after the Italian (Monza) grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Italian grand prix. (Race points here. Losers Team points here.)

In the space of just two races, Team Name find their lead halved. There are rises up the loserboard for NEEEOOOOWWWW (up six places), Panda Pops (up three), LockedDownLosers (up two) and Not good on the BENds (up two).

Tsunoda now finds himself as the second worst driver of the season, moving ahead of Schumacher. Gasly shoots up three places, while Ricciardo, who had the audacity to win in Italy, drops from 13th to 17th. Alfa Romeo and Aston Martin swap places in the constructor standings, as do McLaren and Mercedes, the latter moving into positive point position for the first time in two months.

Read on for the full Standings following the Monza motorcar fun.


Losers Team scores: Italian (Monza) grand prix

Verstappen's car rolling over the top of Hamilton's car, with Verstappen saying "THIS ISN'T AS SEXY AS I HAD HOPED"

There was something animalistic about the way Max Verstappen's car humped Hamilton at the Italian grand prix. Very scary too. Which all seems relevant because, finally, the Wildlife Wager paid off in Italy. That poor frightened rabbit.^

Not only that, but as well as the Giantkiller paying out because of Ricciardo's win, the Merc Merk Pitlane Punt paid out because of Bottas quitting Mercedes. It finally happened! This gave a huge points influx for those wily Losers Teams that spotted then played the punt. Suddenly what seemed like a dominant season win for Team Name looks shaky – see the latest standings here.

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for the Italian grand prix.


Race points: Italian (Monza) grand prix

Mechanics pushing an AlphaTauri car, one saying "WE CAN PUSH IT TO THE FINISH LINE. ONE, TWO, THREE, HEAVE..."

Daniel Ricciardo won in Italy. He's nicknamed the honey badger because he, er , has a sweet tooth and likes rutting in people's back gardens. Meanwhile, Hamilton and Verstappen were humping each other like rabbits. For the F1 Losers League, this is all irrelevant. There was one massive loser in Italy and that was the sad panda that was AlphaTauri.

What a woeful weekend for the Red Bull b-team. The 2020 Italian grand prix winner Pierre Gasly crashed out of the sprint session after hitting Ricciardo, winning him the inaugural 5-point Sprint Fail (see our points system here). He was then delegated to the pitlane for the start, and then exited the race on lap three with suspension failure.

Meanwhile Yuki Tsunoda, subject of a very special Pitlane Punt, crashed in the sprint session and was then wheeled away from the grid at the start of the race because of a brake issue. He didn't even get off the line. 

All this at AlphaTauri's home race. Their score of 45 points is higher than any constructor all season.

Read on for all the race point drama in the Italian grand prix.


Friday, 10 September 2021

Double the fun: DRS is being replaced by Boost Buttons

DRS frozen on Sep 11. Launching on Sep 27: Boost Buttons

The F1 Losers League is ditching the DRS (Double Race Scores) system. We're throwing it out, and not even using the recyling bins. Off to landfill for DRS.

This month, we will replace DRS with Boost Buttons. Press a Boost Button and immediately start scoring double points. One press. Bang. That's it.

We'll explain more about Boost Buttons in a moment. The problem with DRS was it relied on F1 jargon, with the wider meaning of "DRS" only being known by people well into F1. We want the League to be accessible to more people than that. A Boost Button is a more understandable concept. Everyone loves pressing buttons.

DRS also involved calendar homework, which was a faff. Pitlane Punts, which are definitely here to stay, are enough of a mind melt without us adding to that.

Here's what will happen. Tomorrow, the DRS system will freeze. There is one more default DRS race in Russia, and a couple of teams are playing DRS for Monza this weekend, but that's it. No more changes to DRS.

On September 27, each Losers Team will be given two Boost Buttons. They can be pressed at any point until the end of the season. The Buttons will appear on your personal team page.

Press a Boost Button and double your race scores for the next TWO races. You can even press both at once, tripling your next two race scores.

We should point out that Boost doubling applies only to race points picked up by Losers Teams, and not to points gained or lost from team actions such as Punts. Also, if you can't be bothered to press your Boost Buttons, or you're busy with other things such as watching paint dry or pulling the legs off spiders, fear not. All unpressed Buttons will be automatically pressed on 1 Dec, giving us lots of multiple scores for the last two races of the season.

There you have it. A big change for the F1 Losers League, but a good one. The boostiest buttons since Jenson!

Thursday, 9 September 2021

Standings after the Netherlands grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Netherlands grand prix. (Race points here. Losers Team points here.)

Team Name's lead is slashed by over 140 points, while LockedDownLosers shoot from 12th place to 6th. Tardi Minardi had a shocker, dropping six places, and there were also two-place drops for Back of the shed, Fernando Analonso (the name that keeps on giving) and WereDrivingInReverse.

Our Netherlands hero Giovinazzi moves up three places in the drivers' standings, with moves up the table too for Raikkonen (with Kubica currently standing in for him) and Ricciardo. In the constructors standings, Williams have now opened up a gap to third place, with Alfa Romeo now hot on the heels of Aston Martin.

Read on for the full Standings following the Netherlands race.


Wednesday, 8 September 2021

Losers Team scores: Netherlands grand prix

Giovinazzi, looking a lot like Jesus, saying "Blessed be the Punt winners"

Such drama! Such action! So many thrills and spills! No, not the Dutch grand prix, which essentially involved everyone not overtaking home hero Max Verstappen should they be besieged by legions of orange-clad Max fans. We mean the Losers Team scores. Amazing!

A minor prang for Giovinazzi on the opening lap not only cost him aero ability, it also meant a pay-out for the Romeo Oh Romeo Pitlane Punt (bet that an Alfa Romeo car will hit something) and a successful Fast Forecast for the one team that bet he would lose position on the opening lap.

Such a small incident, but with consequences that would define the Losers results in the Netherlands. A bit like Jesus feeding the five thousand, but with Losers Points instead of fish. Come to think of it, we've never seen Jesus and Giovinazzi in the same place at the same time. Iiiinteresting...

Incidentally, there was no Raikkonen in this race. For the Netherlands, and for the next race in Italy, it will be Kubica scoring points for that car instead.

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for the Netherlands grand prix.


Tuesday, 7 September 2021

Race points: Netherlands grand prix

Orange-vested workers on an exaggerated slope, one of them saying "doesn't look steep to me"

The F1 Losers League is so impressed at the steep banking at the Dutch grand prix circuit, the following report is being written on a wonky chair with a gradiant of 30 degrees. A hardback copy of 'Microwave Meals For One' under one chair leg. Feels just like turn three at Zandvoort.

Raikkonen missed the race because of Covid, so if you have Raikkonen on your team, you earned points with his replacement Kubica. You also picked up Raikkonen's Beige Flag points, so double bonus.

While everyone was obsessing about Russell's future, our eye was on the debate surrounding Giovinazzi's future. Doubts about his ability to retain his seat, along with a performance that crumbled from a decent qualifying place into oblivion, made him the biggest losing driver at the Dutch grand prix. This also had a big effect on this race's Losers Team scores.

The other big news was Williams. Russell's disastrous final few laps helped the team to their biggest score of the season so far, even beating Haas. Welcome back to the realms of loserdom, Williams.

Read on for all the race point drama in the Netherlands.

Wednesday, 1 September 2021

Tool up with the Lucky Spanner

The Lucky Spanner is now available to all Losers Teams.

Imagine it's Christmas Day. You grab a present from underneath the tree, the one with the sparkliest wrapping paper. You tug at the sellotape and rip away the wrap. Inside you find... a spanner.

"Thanks," you sigh, faking a smile to the family you secretly hate as you feel the weight of dozens of Christmases to come.

You all now have a spanner! The Lucky Spanner can only be used once. It self-destructs your entire team, randomly replacing all your team members (with some caveats – see the Lucky Spanner page). You then start scoring points with your newly respawned Losers Team. 

If you're scoring decent points in the Losers League, then you won't need the Lucky Spanner. In fact, it's best avoided, like poison ivy, quicksand and Piers Morgan. 

However, if you're in the points doldrums and can't be bothered with all this Forecast and Punt business, wield the Spanner. Nuke your team. Start afresh!

Waggle that spanner now.

Tuesday, 31 August 2021

Standings after the Belgian grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Belgian grand prix. (Race points here. Losers Team points here.)

Team Name extended their lead by over 200 points. If their score was height in metres, they would be one and a half Burj Khalifas tall. The biggest mover was WereDrivingInReverse, who rose four places. Clean Trolls jumped up three places, and Thomas's Tractors two. Panda Pops, Cruthers Car Co and The Tour de France is Better all lost ground.

Schumacher, Perez and Ocon all moved up the driver standings. while a strong Belgian finish for Ricciardo saw him drop three places. The constructor standings remained static, with Haas adding over 20 points to their lead.

Read on for the full Standings following Belgium.

Losers Team scores: Belgian grand prix

A road sweeper truck with one caption saying "And he's overtaken Hamilton for the lead" and another saying "pack it in, Arthur"

While the FIA was giving out half scores – pah! – the Losers League gave out loads of full-blooded double scores because (a) we are generous and wise and ever so fabulous, and (b) it was a default DRS (Double Race Scores) grand prix so we had to do it because that's how the League works.

August has seen some changes in the F1 Losers League. This race introduces Fast Forecasts, in which teams can make low-risk predictions. We have also introduced a disruptive new results tool Break Assist, which spells trouble for your team if you don't score enough points.

Good job we have these new additions because there wasn't much to talk about at the shortest grand prix in history

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for Belgium, all newly formatted to make everything so much more transparent.

Race points: Belgian grand prix

We should abandon this race summary after the first couple of words. Two words. Done. There's our full summary. It would be no worse than pulling a race after a couple of laps.

Fortunately, the F1 Losers League cannot be hampered by incessant rain. Belgium may have been the biggest washout in F1 history, but the real damp squibs are right here in our race points. Six Beige Flags! Red Bull getting the Backwards Bonus two races in a row! Hamilton's toilet trauma told so beautifully over his team radio!

Perez took the spoils for the drivers at the Belgian grand prix, and even without Beige Flags, Haas prove themselves again as ultimate losers on the top of the calamitous constructor pile. Read on for the full and definitely not halved Belgian race points.

Friday, 27 August 2021

Break Assist: a new portal of chaos for the F1 Losers League

 Two Ferraris crashing into Max Verstappen's Bed Bull, with one Ferrari driver saying "Hey, we're just assisting, Max!"

It has become clear to the F1 Losers League that there are teams wallowing in the lower ranks of the competition, seemingly happy with their half-hearted embrace of loserdom. You're like Coldplay fans, gently bopping to your drizzle-grey sonic mulch.

No more. Break Assist is here.

When we publish race results, we produce a lovely big table of Losers Teams scores. Starting from the Belgian grand prix, we're introducing Break Assist, a special results tool which will effectively grab that points table and bash it with a hammer.

How will Break Assist work? Let's start with the team that ends up in last place in the race results, taking star place in our Podium of Shame. Whichever team scores least will have an Ejector Seat automatically triggered. Bang! Just like that. Whether they like it or not, the least losing team will have their lowest scoring driver dumped.

The League will randomly pick a replacement – with a couple of caveats. We won't include 2021 grand prix winners and we'll abide by the all-important Pit Garage Rule. That team will then be down an Ejector Seat and will have a slightly adjusted team.

Break Assist doesn't stop there. Another team randomly selected from the bottom quarter of the scores will be forced to play a Pitlane Punt. The Punt will be selected by the Losers League using our IMMENSE wisdom and/or a blindfold and dart board. If the Punt fails, the League will waive any stakes payable.

There's more. Another team randomly picked from the lowest half of the scores will be made to play a Fast Forecast. Again, this will be selected by the Losers League, and if it fails, the League will waive any point losses incurred.

Why are wading in like a frazzled head teacher looking for an innocent pupil to shout at? Because we want to tighten up the scores, and this slightly chaotic intervention seems like a good way of doing it.  It'll increase involvement, and hopefully get some teams earning more Losers points. Some teams are clearly not broken enough, and in the spirit of loserdom, we want to break you more.

We have a couple more ideas for Break Assist, but we won't launch them until the 13th race of the season. There's a clue in that number...

We understand that Break Assist might be upsetting, but it's not us you're letting down. You're letting down yourself. Now take this letter home to your mother and we'll chat again on parents' day.

The F1 Losers League is a fantasy league like no other. Welcome to the new portal of havoc that is Break Assist.

Break Assist

Wednesday, 11 August 2021

Quick – make your Fast Forecast now. Quick! Quicker!

Mick Schumacher looking surprised at the Fast Forecast logo

While the real Formula One teams take their summer break, the bunch of slackers, we are hard at work upgrading the F1 Losers League.

The first big change is Fast Forecast. This is a new team action in which you choose a driver, then predict an outcome for them at the next race. Read on to find out more.

Wednesday, 4 August 2021

Use your Ejector Seats to make your team worse

Cute Ejector Seat graphic

From today, every Losers Team has a third Ejector Seat. This is enough to replace a driver AND a constructor. Trigger those seats! Pow!

Here's our guide on how to approach Ejector Seats. Warning: contains a greedy duck. Read on.

Tuesday, 3 August 2021

Standings after the Hungarian grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Hungarian grand prix. (Race points here. Losers Team points here.)

Team Name easily extend their lead, hitting a milestone of a thousand Losers Points. Panda Pops, Haas Beens and WereDrivingInReverse all rise two places. LockedDownLosers plummet six places after their Punt predicament, and there were smaller drops for The Pit Lockers, The Tour de France is Better, Steady Jordan and Lou-sers.

In the driver rankings, Bottas barges his way to 3rd place, while man of the match Ocon drops from 9th place to 15th. As for the constructors, Alpine scaled great heights, so they find themselves tumbling from 4th to 7th, while Aston Martin vroom their way from 5th to 3rd. 

Read on for the full Standings following Hungary.

Losers Team scores: Hungarian grand prix

Raikkonen driving into the path of Mazepin in the pitlane, with Mazepin saying "Hey, that's my parking space!"

You know that bit in the Usual Suspects where the guy turns out not to be the guy you thought he was and everyone was like "loooool it's him!" and everyone else was like "I know right?!"

At the Hungarian grand prix, you were watching the wrong car. You were all obsessing about Bottas, who topped the driver points, but actually it was all about Raikkonen causing chaos in the pitlane. Kimi's snafu earned a big score for one particular Loser's Team.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that you're allowed to drive into other cars in the pitlane. Read on for the Losers Teams scores for Hungary.

Race points: Hungarian grand prix

The Jesus character in The Big Lebowski saying "nobody effs with the Bottas"

Every time I go bowling, have a narrow window of genius. It's usually between the third and fourth pint, and it lasts for about three balls. For Bottas, it only took one strike to be a Losers League genius. Let's have a look at the results of a most remarkable Hungarian grand prix.

By the way, the British grand prix had been the highest scoring race for drivers and constructors this season, with a tally of 152 race points, followed by Bahrain and Austria scoring in the 140s. The Hungarian race smashed that, with 202 points given to drivers and constructors, depending on Vettel's appeal. That's pretty massive.

Another fact? Williams scored zero points for the first time this season.

Read on for the Hungarian race points haul.

Wednesday, 28 July 2021

Pitlane Punt: Geunther's Plucky Sluggards Punt (active – bet now)

Guenther's Plucky Sluggards: Play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: GUENTHER'S PLUCKY SLUGGARDS PUNT

You have to hand it to Haas boss Guenther Steiner. He knew this year's car would be trash, and yet his boys Mazepin and Schumacher drive on regardless despite always finishing last. Guenther's plucky sluggards march on. Slowly.

But how slow?

Bet that the two Haas cars will finish in the last two places in a specified grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Hungry Hungry Yuki Punt (active – bet now)

Hungry Hungry Yuki: Play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE HUNGRY HUNGRY YUKI PUNT

Every Formula One driver is hungry for success. But AlphaTauri rookie Yuki Tsunoda is hungry for something less metaphorical. He loves food. He loves it and he can't stop talking about it^.

But will he keep talking about it?

Bet that Yuki Tsunoda will talk about food any time in the next month. Read on to play this Punt.

Wednesday, 21 July 2021

Losers Team standings after the British grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the British grand prix.

HAASN'T A CHANCE really do have a chance, jumping up to second place on the loserboard and cutting into Team Name's lead. Further down the list, Gunther's Gonna Get Ya jump from 9th to 6th place, and Murraylivesforeverinourhearts retake their position at the very bottom of the rankings.

There are lots of changes in the driver rankings. Gasly, Alonso and Ricciardo move up three places, with Vettel moving up four. The all-too-successful Bottas, Leclerc and Giovinazzi tumble down the order. As for the constructors, it's a two-place rise for AlphaTauri, a two-place fall for Aston Martin, and a too-right reinstatement into negative point territory for Mercedes.

Read on.

Losers Team points: British grand prix

A glum Hamilton, Norris and Russell being asked in a press conference, "Guys, can you explain where it went wrong with the Best of British Pitlane Punt?"

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRITAIN

The cheering crowds were lovely to hear at the British grand prix. What an atmosphere. They were no doubt cheering for the F1 Losers League, because there were 11 Pitlane Punt wagers active at Silverstone, making this the most punted race of the season. 

The crowd is an idiot because every Punt failed. Ocon finished well, which was a failure for the Ocon Odds-on. Hamilton won, which negated the Giantkiller. Bottas kept his job, so that messed up the Merc Merk. A herd of geese didn't invade the Haas garage, so that put paid to the Wildlife Wager fail for this particular race.

And worst of all, the one-off Best Of British Pitlane Punt came to nothing because a British driver didn't retire. By and large, Losers Teams have gained hundreds of points using Pitlane Punts, but this was a stinker.

See the effects of this below. Here are the Losers Team results for Britain. Read on to find out more.

Driver & constructor points: British grand prix

 Verstappen explaining to Perez that "it's a sprint not a race although it's a sprint race which isn't the race..."

It's official. The jury is out on whether the sprint qualifying session worked. That's what the commentators kept saying. "The jury is out." Who is this jury? And do they have tickets to the race? We don't trust this mysterious jury.

What is certain is that Perez and Red Bull suddenly decided to be losers. The F1 Losers League is proud. They scored highly at the British grand prix, although one familiar constructor name took their usual position at the top of the terrible rankings at Silverstone.

British fans got the British winner they wanted. This is lovely: the Losers League CEO has watched Coulthard win at the British grand prix twice. However, this was a bad omen for the special Best Of British Pitlane Punts. Jump to the Losers Team points to see how that went.

Meanwhile, let's have a look at the drivers and constructors. Who got into the spirit of Britain? Who poured a lovely cup of tea, popped a corgi into a bowler hat, and did really bad at sport? Read on.

Saturday, 10 July 2021

Pitlane Punt: Romeo Oh Romeo (active – bet now)

  Romeo Oh Romeo: Play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: ROMEO OH ROMEO

In the words of Shakespeare, "A pair of star-crossed drivers claim the racing line, whose misadventured piteous overtakes doth with their crashes earn you a tonne of Losers points."

The Alfa Romeo drivers Raikkonen and Giovinazzi do sometimes like to crash into things – just ask Vettel in Austria. Not sure if it's a comedy or tragedy, but it's certainly an opportunity for a gamble.

Bet on an Alfa Romeo car hitting any another car – or even just a barrier – during a specified grand prix weekend. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Merc Merk (closed)

 The Merc Merk: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE MERC MERK

"Merk." Street slang. Definition? To kill someone, taken from the word 'mercenary'. Since popularised in a more metaphorical sense by grime star Stormzy.

When will Mercedes merk Valtteri Bottas? When will they do away with their troubled number two driver? Not literally, obviously.

Bet that the Mercedes F1 team will drop Valtteri Bottas any time in the next three months. Read on to play this Punt.

Tuesday, 6 July 2021

Losers Team standings after the Austrian grand prix

Have a read of the points given in the Austrian grand prix and how some Losers Teams benefitted enormously. And now let's see how it has affected the season standings.

We have a new leader of the F1 Losers League. Team Name threw everything at the wall, and one big Punt / DRS combo paid off. Not bad for a team that started season in 20th place. LockedDownLosers continue their march up the loserboard, moving from 8th to 4th. The biggest drop was by Cruthers Car Co., who fell from 10th to 15th.

Mazepin is now just shy of 100 points as the biggest losing driver. Bottas rises from 5th to 3rd. Meanwhile, in the constructors rankings, Haas increase their lead to 17 points while AlphaTauri faltered in Austria and find themselves jumping from 6th to 4th.

Read on for the full points.

Losers Team points: Austrian grand prix

Ocon retiring from the race, saying "no, thank YOU"

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN AUSTRIA

Although none of the weather predictions came true at the Austrian grand prix, there was certainly a perfect storm in the F1 Losers League. This is going to take some explaining.

In the last week of June, we launched a new Pitlane Punt. The Ocon Odds-On offered a bet that Esteban Ocon wouldn't finish in the top ten in a specified race. Four Losers Teams took the bait, gambling that Ocon would fail at the Austrian grand prix. And fail he did, breaking his car's suspension on just the third corner of the race.

At 3:1 odds, it would have been a substantial enough pay-out, but with Double Race Scores (DRS) applied, the F1 Losers League ended up giving out more points than Oprah Winfrey gives out cars. We try to balance potential Punt earnings as a percentage of average race scores, to give teams a healthy but controllable boost. But this mix of Punt winning and DRS doubling was a massive boost for some. It was like getting a rocket, fitting it with rockets, then firing it into the heart of the sun which turns out to be a rocket.

Let's have a look the Losers Teams' performance in Austria. You may need to sit down. Read on to find out more.

Driver & constructor points: Austrian grand prix

The crowd fogged in orange flare smoke, saying things like "nope, can't see a thing", "who said that?" and "where are the cars?!"

Austria was a bad-tempered grand prix, with FIA penalties raining down like the rain that was promised for the race but never happened. Charles Leclerc got so angry after his altercation with Sergio Perez, it turned his car red.

Not counting points from Beige Flags, Esteban Ocon was the biggest loser in Austria. His quick exit from the race had a massive effect on the points earned by Losers Teams in what was easily the most dramatic Losers' result of the season.

But let's start with the drivers and constructors. Who regrets returning to the Red Bull Ring? Read on.

Wednesday, 30 June 2021

Losers Team standings after the Styrian grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Styrian grand prix.

VroomDoom retain their lead, but second-place Team Name took a big bite out of their lead, closing in by 11 points. Pierre Ghastly had a decent showing, rising from 5th on the loserboard to 3rd. Meanwhile, Back of the shed had a bit of a Styria stinker and drop from 6th to 9th place.

In the driver rankings, Bottas leapfrogged ahead of Tsunoda and Schumacher to take 3rd place. AlphaTauri had a rough race and find themselves rising from 6th to joint 4th with Alpine, while Haas extended their lead as the worst constructor in F1.

Read on.

Losers Team points: Styrian grand prix

George Russell saying "Pierre who?!"

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN STYRIA

Two teams did way better than anyone else at the Styrian grand prix. And no, we're not talking about the energy drink cars and the Silver Spoons or whatever Mercedes have as a nickname. We're talking about two Losers Teams.

As we publish this, we are releasing a second Ejector Seat for all of our Losers Teams. What does this mean? You can dump that constructor choice that hasn't been earning enough points for you. Or get rid of two drivers. See how Ejector Seats work here.

Meanwhile, let's see what happened to our Losers Teams in Styria. Read on to find out more.

Driver & constructor points: Styrian grand prix

Pierre Gasly saying "what do you MEAN we don't have bumpers?"

A funny thing just happened. We sent George Russell to the shops to get Solero ice lollies. Red Berry flavour for him, Exotic flavour for us. He was surprisingly quick, shimmying past the post box, giving next door's yappy dog a wide berth, his feet hardly touching the ground. Georgie was just yards from the newsagent's front door, Solero success right in front of him – when he was run over by a octopus driving eight bulldozers. That poor guy just can't catch a break.

Russell's apparent curse included, the Styrian grand prix had plenty of loser action. In fact, there were two drivers who scored more than Russell at the Red Bull Ring, and a Beige flag that comes courtesy of Mick Schumacher's wonky bottom.

Who came unstuck in Styria? Read on.

Sunday, 27 June 2021

Pitlane Punt: Best of British Punt (closed)

 

Pitlane Punt: Best of British Punt

PITLANE PUNT: BEST OF BRITISH PUNT

We love British things. Fish and chips. The BBC. Cups of tea. A Turkish saint called George slaying a mythical dragon. 

So how will the British things (drivers) do at the British grand prix?

Bet on any British driver (i.e. Hamilton, Norris or Russell) retiring from the British grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Ocon Odds-On (active – bet now)

 

Pitlane Punt: The Ocon Odds-On

PITLANE PUNT: THE OCON ODDS-ON

Like any Alpine mountain, there's an up-side and a down-side. So here's the down side. Ocon has failed to finish in the top ten in several races so far this season.

Can he do it again?

Bet that Esteban Ocon won't finish in the top ten in a specified grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Wednesday, 23 June 2021

Losers Team standings after the French grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the French grand prix.

No change at the top. LockedDownLosers played their DRS and dumped a driver with an Ejector Seat, which gave them a bump from 16th place on the season loserboard to 9th. Further down the table, The Tour de France is Better snuck from 13th place to 16th. You're going the wrong way, you silly sausage! 

In the driver rankings, "impetuous" Tsunoda finds himself overtaking Schumacher for 3rd place. And Leclerc leapfrogs Russell, Vettel and Raikkonen as he rises from 9th to 6th. Ferrari was full of fails in France and find themselves moving up from 7th to 5th in the constructor rankings

Read on.

Losers Team points: French grand prix

A man standing in front of an ATM saying "here goes"

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN FRANCE

The French grand prix was surprisingly entertaining, like a grandfather who impersonates Taylor Swift, or a blancmange that knows tap dance. Although the focus was on Verstappen's risky race strategy, our eyes were further down the field. How did our Losers Teams fare at Circuit Paul Ricard?

In one sense, the usual suspects picked up points in France, so there were fewer surprises than usual. In another sense, erm, um... look! A performing blancmange! Look at it wobble! Ha ha ha, it's got tap shoes! Look!

Right, we think we got away with that. How did the Losers Teams do? And why have we got a picture of ATMs? Read on to find out more.

Driver & constructor points: French grand prix

Bottas looking pensive, thinking "I wonder if Haas will take me"

Before we get into the Losers Points given to drivers and constructors at the French grand prix, we really must read you this letter we've just received. It has a Finnish postmark. Not sure who it's from.

"Dear F1 Losers League. Have you any jobs going? I am very experienced at driving cars at just under the speed they're meant to go. My favourite number is 77 and Wikipedia says I like the band The Offspring. I can do work experience. I make a mean cup of coffee. Please give me a job. I've got my performance review soon and I'm a bit worried. Does the F in F1 stand for Finland? I hope so."

Thanks for getting in contact, anonymous letter writer. We'll, er, get back to you. Shall we get on with the Losers Points in France? Yes, let's. Read on.

Tuesday, 22 June 2021

Losers Team standings after the Azerbaijan grand prix

VroomDoom and Team Name retain the top two positions in the F1 Losers League. Tardi Minardi sneaks ahead into third place, but only just. Meanwhile, after a triple-points treat in Azerbaijan, Pierre Ghastly rockets from 14th place to 5th, leaving them just one point ahead of Panda Pops. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Azerbaijan grand prix

A puppy with a toilet roll saying "I WILL NEVER ENTER THE F1 LOSERS LEAGUE DUE TO MY LACK OF OPPOSABLE THUMBS"

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN AZERBAIJAN

Ouch. That hurt. Sergio Perez winning in Azerbaijan really stung some of our Losers Teams. Especially with it being a DRS (Double Race Scores) grand prix, which means every point lost was an extra kick in the gut.

Still, let's look on the positive side. All over the world, there are cute puppies playing with toilet rolls. There are fields of lambs frolicking on sunlit hillocks. And one Losers Team was very clever indeed, manipulating their DRS in Azerbaijan to great effect. We are in awe. Read on to find out more.

Driver & constructor points: Azerbaijan grand prix

Verstappen kicking the ruined tyre of his F1 car while saying "faster, dammit"

If there's one thing we learn in Baku, it's that every Formula One grand prix should be just two laps long.

The Azerbaijan race had some dramatic moments, especially with Stroll and Verstappen's tyres failing at such high speeds. But it was the standing restart for the final two laps of the race that had the most drama. The smoking brakes, the missed corner, Mark Webber screaming in the studio.

This led to two drivers breaking their duck in 2021. Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen scored their first Points of the season. Yes, they've earned plenty of minus-25 Race Win Penalties. But this was the first time they notched up positive Losers Points. This is massive news, and we will be ringing the FIA to tell them.

This leaves us with just one lone driver that is yet to get a single Losers Point so far this year. This is shocking to us, and we can't bear to mention his name. It rhymes with Rando Boris.

Let's slap on the losers lotion and bask in warm glow of failure at the Azerbaijan grand prix. Read on.


Saturday, 29 May 2021

Losers Team standings after the Monaco grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Monaco grand prix.

After being tied with Tardi Minardi, a clever Pitlane Punt ploy leaves VroomDoom in a solo first place in the F1 Losers League. Meanwhile, Team Name shoot from 11th place to second place. 

In the driver standings, Schumacher and Bottas are now joint third, dropping Latifi to fifth. Not much change for the constructors, although it's worth noting that McLaren broke their duck in Monaco, scoring their first two Losers Points of the season. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Monaco grand prix

A disconsolate Charles Leclerc saying "Can't believe I didn't enter the Pitlane Punt"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN MONACO

The Monaco grand prix was all about Charles Leclerc and his home race woes. To borrow an analogy from a different sport, he faced an open goal with no defenders, and then he uprooted the goalposts and threw them into the nearest marina.  

Not only did he top the points by squandering his poll position so badly, Leclerc's disaster vastly affected the result for Losers Teams in Monte Carlo. Any Team that played the Charles Chance Pitlane Punt, successfully betting on Leclerc not finishing in the top six, got themselves stacks of points.

Let's shimmy around hairpin and peer into the tunnel of doom as we explore the fate of the Losers Teams points in Monaco. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Monaco grand prix

A Ferrari F1 car being hoisted above the track with a distant crowd member saying "hold on, that's cheating"

What an amazing moment. Charles Leclerc netted poll position at his home grand prix in Monaco, the first Monegasque to do so in 80 years. Not only that, it was Ferrari's first poll position since 1066, when the prancing horse was an actual horse, and the hapless race director featured all the wrong things on the Bayeux Tapestry.

So when Leclerc dinged his driveshaft and failed to make the grid for the race, we knew this was a true F1 Losers League moment. The spirit of loserdom drifted in from the docks and settled on the narrow streets: the yachts sunk a little lower in the water; the chandeliers in the hotels lost their sparkle. Monaco, you are ours now. Mwhahahahaha...

...Er, sorry, where were we? Oh yes. What could have been a boring procession to the finishing line, which it was because it's Monaco, turned into a key loser moment of the year. Poor Charles. He inevitabley scooped up Losers Points along with Ferrari, but what about the rest of the Monaco mêlée? Read on.

Pitlane Punt: Wildlife Wager (active – bet now)

Wildlife Wager: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE WILDLIFE WAGER

Everyone loves a fluffy thing, and we don't mean Pierre Gasly's attempt at a beard. 

Will our superstar racing drivers be upstaged by a stray kitten or an angry wombat?

Bet on an animal making an unexpected appearance at any of the next five grand prix weekends. Read on to play this Punt.

Friday, 28 May 2021

Pitlane Punt: The Russell Hustle (active – bet now)

The Russell Hustle. Play this Pitlane Punt.

PITLANE PUNT: THE RUSSELL HUSTLE

He might be eyeing Mercedes for 2022. But surely George Russell has a weakness.

A weakness in the shape of Nicholas Latifi?

Bet on George Russell doing worse than Nicholas Latifi at particular races. Read on to play this Punt.

Thursday, 13 May 2021

Losers Team standings after the Spanish grand prix

We Spained, we saw, we conked out.

Here are the latest standings following the Spanish grand prix. It's still tight at the top, although there's no move in the top three. The biggest change in the loserboard was prompted by HAASN'T A CHANCE's genius DRS adjustment, which rocketed them from 21st place to 4th.

Scroll down for the driver and constructor standings. Tsunoda has moved up into second place for the drivers, while Haas has overtaken Williams as the biggest losing constructor. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Spanish grand prix

Freddie Mercury singing "no time for losers" from We Are The Champions, and someone off camera shouting "WHAT?!"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN SPAIN

Look at you, watching the Spanish grand prix on your big screen telly. Pop corn in one hand, Blue Nun in the other. You've got one eye on the racing action, and one eye on the F1 Losers League app, which is giving blow-by-blow telemetry on the worst elements of the grand prix. The F1 Losers app doesn't exist. It's just some crayon you've scrawled on a piece of toilet paper.

In Spain, one Losers Team absolutely nailed the DRS system to score more points in a single race than any other team so far. While many teams still did pretty well for Losers Points, others will be desperately waiting for the unlocking of the first Ejector Seat, allowing them to dump team choices that are proving to be too successful. Mentioning no names. NORRIS.

Which Losers Teams brought the pain in Spain? Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Spanish grand prix

Yuki Tsunoda showing off his Beige flag and "10 points" snow globe

We asked Valtteri Bottas to write this race report for us. However, at the crucial moment, he disobeyed our orders. See what we did there? That was a reference to Bottas not moving aside for Hamilton at the Spanish grand prix. It's this kind of clever narrative that sets the F1 Losers League apart from other fantasy leagues.

Verstappen described himself as a "sitting duck" as Hamilton reeled him in for a race win. There was plenty of flapping about across the field, with the Spanish race offering more overtaking as usual. However, the usual turkeys reared their ugly heads: Haas finishing 92 laps down; Aston Martin disappointing again; Russell being in the points for about a quarter of a second.

It was no surprise to see constructor Haas top the points in Spain. As for the drivers, it was rookie Yuki Tsunoda who came through as biggest loser, his early promise starting to show more than a few signs of wear and tear. 

Who was a Catalonian car-tastrophe at the Spanish grand prix? Read on.

Monday, 3 May 2021

Losers Team standings after the Portuguese grand prix

There was some great overtaking at the Portuguese grand prix so it seems appropriate that we have a new leader in the F1 Losers League (Have a look at the Portuguese scores here.

We present to you some lovely tables showing (a) the F1 Losers League standings, which we're determined on calling the loserboard even though it's not catching on, (b) the driver standings with a familiar name in first place, and (c) the constructor standings where it's pretty close at the top. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Portuguese grand prix

Romans in battle, with an elephant being mistaken for a Haas, and the elephant riders saying "we're on for fastest lap, lads"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN PORTUGAL

What's the most dramatic thing to happen in Portugal? The Roman conquest of Iberia? The overthrow of dictatorship in the Revolution of the Carnations? Vettel pulling into the McLaren pitstop by mistake?

Wrong. It's DRS. One of the key features in modern Formula One is DRS (Drag Reduction System), the booster button that allows cars to overtake. For the F1 Losers League, we have stolen this idea: we created our own DRS (Double Race Scores) function and in Portugal, 22 Losers Teams had theirs activated. Points all over the place!

This means if you did well in Portugal, you did *really* well in Portugal. And if you did badly...

Let's have a peek at the Losers Teams points in Portugal. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Portuguese grand prix

Raikkonen looking at his hat saying "Is this a steering wheel?"

Just imagine. You're at the supermarket reaching for the frozen peas. Suddenly, Nikita Mazepin gets in the way. You're at the bowling alley going in for your first strike of the game. Nikita Mazepin walks in front of you, and you drop the ball on your foot. You're in bed in the throes of passion with your loved-one, who's dressed up as Barney the dinosaur for some reason. Nikita Mazepin pops his head from under the covers. Mazepin! Not again!

Mazepin's ability to block everyone made him the biggest losing driver in Portugal, with Raikkonen's front wing prang placing him in a close second place as he scored the only retirement of the race.

Alfa Romeo had a rotten race, with a Biege Flag helping them to the lion's share of the Losers Points. Our reason for giving them the Biege Flag is entirely petty, but they still would have been the biggest losers even without that extra 10 points. Oh and Raikkonen got confused about something obvious.

Who did poorly in Portugal? Read on.

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

Time for a decision: DRS dreams in Portugal

Two Sebastian Vettels, one thinking "dammit, I wish I had double points" and the other one thinking "what he said"

This weekend's Formula One grand prix, taking place in the gorgeous Algarve on the south coast of Portugal, is a default DRS race for the F1 Losers League. 

What does this mean? Let's explain.

WHAT IS DRS?

DRS means Double Race Scores. If a Losers Teams plays a DRS at a grand prix, all their scores for that race are doubled.

Each team gets nine DRSs to allocate to races throughout the 23-race season. This means nine opportunities for a points bonanza – or a points blow-out.

If a team scores strongly at a race, and they've applied a DRS doubling to that race, they'll shoot up the leaderboard of the F1 Losers League. Bonanza!

However, if they score poorly at a DRS-doubled race, it's a wasted opportunity. Blow me.

What's a "default" DRS, as mentioned above? Let's explain that too.

WHAT IS DEFAULT DRS?

We don't want DRSs to go unused, so every Losers Team starts the season with DRS automatically allocated to every third race, plus a couple of bonus DRS races at the end of the season. We call these "default" DRSs.

This means if you're feeling lazy and don't want to participate much in the Losers League, you'll still get your double scores at nine races in the season.

The nine pre-allocated default DRS races for 2021 are as follows: May 2 Portugal | Jun 6 Azerbaijan | Jul 4 Austria | Aug 29 Belgium | Sep 26 Russia | Oct 24 United States | Nov 21 Australia | Dec 5 Saudi Arabia | Dec 12 Abu Dhabi.

These default DRS races are labelled on our season calendar and you can also see them on your individual team page listed on the Entries page.

WHAT THIS MEANS IN PORTUGAL

As you can see, this weekend's race in Portugal is one such default DRS race. This means we'll be tootling around the Algarve with almost every Losers Team getting double points. Some will benefit massively: for others, this will be a costly mistake.

As is already happening with Portugal, some teams might choose to move their DRS allocations to other races, so different races get double points instead. In fact, Losers Teams can move any DRS to any future race in the 23-race season, and do this as much as they wish.

They can even stack up to three DRS allocations in one single race: this is a higher risk strategy that will see teams getting triple or quadruple points.

If you want to see which races have DRS allocated for your Losers Team, go to your individual team page listed here.

TIME TO DECIDE

So then, Losers Teams, you need to ask yourself a question. Do you stick to the DRS we've automatically given to you for this weekend's grand prix in Portugual? Or do you de-allocate that DRS and move it to a different race later in the season?

If you want to, you can move a DRS allocation using the control panel on the DRS page.

As the famous Portuguese philosopher Cristiano Ronaldo once said, "I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to Double Race Scores, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age."

Wednesday, 21 April 2021

Pitlane Punt: The Giantkiller (active — bet now)

The Giantkiller: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE GIANTKILLER

Fee-fi-fo-fum, we smell the winner of Formula One. Be he a Lewis, or be he a Max, you'll bet on someone else taking chequered flags!

Seriously. Can someone else win? Please?!

Bet on the title contenders Hamilton and Verstappen *not* winning at a particular race. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Charles Chance (closed)

The Charles Chance: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE CHARLES CHANCE

The punt:

  • Bet against a Charles Leclerc top six finish at his home grand prix in Monaco on May 23rd.
  • This means, when the leading six cars take the chequered flag at the Monaco grand prix, if none of them are Charles Leclerc, you win the punt
Charles is a Monégasque driver, which means he was born with a silver yacht in his mouth. Let's see if he can be crowned a loser at his home grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Iberian Question (closed)

The Iberian Question: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE IBERIAN QUESTION

This Pitlane Punt is now closed. The punt was:

  • Predict the number of retirements at the Portuguese grand prix (May 2nd) and the Spanish grand prix (May 9th) combined. 
If you were pootling around a race track in Portugal or Spain, you'd park up and head off to the beach instead, right?

Tuesday, 20 April 2021

Losers League standings after the Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix

After two races, things are shaping up nicely. How did your team do at the weekend? (Have a look here.) Was your result in Italy like a lovely pizza, nice and hot, dripping with cheese? Or was it like chewing on a rusty hubcap? Mmmm. Hubcaps.

Here are some tables with (a) the F1 Losers League standings, which we're still calling the loserboard, (b) the driver standings after such a crashy grand prix, and (c) the constructor standings. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix

Kimi Raikkonen driving on a gravel run-off area saying "someone should sweep up all this debris"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN IMOLA

It was a long wait, but the cars finally hit the track for the second race of the 2021 F1 season... then promptly spent a lot of time driving off the track. 

The half-dry, half-rain weather conditions at the Emilia Romagna grand prix (Imola to its friends) caused mayhem for the Formula One teams. Before you carry on, have a look at the points we awarded to the drivers and constructors in Imola.

How did the Losers Teams fare? Which teams got wet feet? Which teams left their brolly on the bus? Which teams were singing in the rain? Can anyone make sense of these confused metaphors?

Let's look at who did a terrible Italian job. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix

Amid crashed cars, Bottas gives the middle finger to Russell, saying "give me one ring when you get home"

The biggest story of the Imola grand prix appears to be George Russell and Valtteri Bottas playing bumper cars at 200mph. One driver is hoping to be a Mercedes driver next year, and the other is trying very hard not to stay as a Mercedes driver next year. 

Perhaps, however, the biggest story is the sinister wizardry that happened on lap one. Nikita Mazepin throws his car off the track with alarming regularity, as if possessed by some kind of aerodynamic poltergeist. On Sunday, in an impressive feat of demonic transference, he touched Nicholas Latifi's car ever-so-slightly, and it was Latifi who was propelled into the barriers. Is Latifi now possessed with the Phantasm of Mazepin? Who will the curse pass into next?

Latifi was the driver who scored the most losers points: that crash got him 10 points for a DNF plus 5 points for an Earliest Exit. And thanks to our unpredictable Beige Flag awards, it's Tsunoda who was the second biggest losing driver – more details below.

Williams topped the Losers Points for constructors in Italy: what a terrible race for them. Mercedes find themselves in second place in the Losers points, as a growing number of cross-constructor arguments cause a few twitches from our Beige Flags.

Let's dig a little more. Read on.

Monday, 29 March 2021

Losers League standings after the Bahrain grand prix

How did your team do in the first race of the season? (Have a look here.) Are you licking a celebratory ice cream, or just licking your wounds? Did you pop the champagne, or pop all your hopes and dreams?

Here are some lovely tables with (a) the F1 Losers League standings, which we're calling the loserboard, (b) the driver standings so you can see who's rubbish, and (c) the constructor standings. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Bahrain grand prix

Bahrain GP Mercedes aghast at their minus 25 points

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN BAHRAIN

The F1 season is back, and already our Losers Teams are feeling the full force of failure. As one entrant put it on Twitter, "I'm appalled at myself for being so pleased to see Mazepin out on his first lap!"

If you want to see all the points awarded to drivers and constructors, see Bahrain's Race Points here. How has this panned out for the Losers Teams? Let's look at who failed brilliantly – and who didn't fail enough. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Bahrain grand prix

Bahrain GP Mazapin with a fire marshall who says HI I’M JEFF AND I’M HERE TO AWARD YOU YOUR LOSERS TROPHY

Haas rookie Nikita Mazepin described his opening lap crash at the Bahrain grand prix as one of the worst days of his life.

He is wrong, because Mazepin topped the Drivers Losers Points in Bahrain. In the eyes of the F1 Losers League, that makes it one of the best days ever, like remembering you had a Twix you hadn't eaten, or finding candy floss in a hedge.

His team mate Mick Schumacher pootled into last place which added to Haas's Loser Points, but they weren't the worst constructor. That accolade goes to Alpine whose food-based mishap propelled them to extraordinary levels of loserdom. 

Let's dig a little more. Read on.

Friday, 26 March 2021

Let's get ready to trundle: the F1 Losers League is go this weekend

Carlos Sainz saying "I'm totally picking you for my losers team" and Charles Leclerc replying "shut up - I'm picking YOU"

The 2021 F1 Losers League is on the starting grid and will shortly be trundling its way through 23 races of underdog action.

Entries for the League close at 3pm GMT on 27 March 2021, at the start of the first qualifying session for the Bahrain grand prix. At that point, team choices are locked, and Losers Teams are bound by the rules of the Losers League.

"But Fat Roland, CEO of the F1 Losers League, we don't want to obey your rules: you suck," I hear you protest. Don't make me come over there. I have a wheel gun, a hose clamp and eighteen gallons of Swarfega, and I'm not afraid to use them.

After the Bahrain race has run its course, the League will get its calculator out and work out the results based on our scoring system. We'll usually update the site on the Wednesday following a grand prix, or earlier if we're feeling frisky. That update will comprise:

  • points earned by drivers and constructors in Bahrain, including our possibly unpredictable Beige Flag awards;

  • the Losers Team points earned in Bahrain;

  • the all-important first loserboard of the season: it's like a leaderboard, but for losers.

What happens after that? Teams might want to shuffle their DRS-allocated races. There's the Italian grand prix on April 18th. And on April 21st, we'll publish the season's first Pitlane Punts in which you can irresponsibly gamble the meagre points you've already earned.

A huge thank you, by the way, for those who have entered so far, and for those that have helped promote the league. We'll probably end up with about 20 teams, which I'll be really pleased with. This is not a big massive fantasy league: it's a home-grown affair created by someone who doesn't even drive, and if he did drive, it would be like Belgium 1998.

Don't forget that deadline. 3pm GMT sharp. Don't make me use the hose clamp.

Yours,

Fat Roland
CEO: F1 Losers League

Monday, 22 March 2021

Double trouble: DRS season is open

DRS stands for Double Race Scores, and the League is happy to announce this function is now available for you to use.

DRS doubles a team's Losers Points at a race. Each Losers Team gets nine DRS to play with throughout the season. These are pre-set to trigger at nine races by default (which you can see in the season calendar). Those default races are:

May 2: Portuguese grand prix
June 6: Azerbaijan grand prix
July 4: Austrian grand prix
August 29: Belgian grand prix
September 26: Russian grand prix
October 24: United States grand prix
November 21: Australian grand prix
December 5: Saudi Arabian grand prix
December 12: Abu Dhabi grand prix 

Wow! Look at all those extra points pouring down on you like hail, bird poop or acid rain. Soak yourself in all those extra points.

However, you don't have to stick to these defaults. You can move a default DRS to any other race in the season. You can do this at any point in the season, as often as you want. 

You can even stack up to three DRS in a single race, which means you could earn up to quadruple Losers Points in just one race.

You only get nine DRS to use, and once one has been used, it cannot be used again. And if you're wanting to apply it to a forthcoming race, get your change in before qualifying starts.

Move your DRS by using the form below, or go to the Repair Shop page. Check the calendar, and learn more about DRS here.

Sunday, 21 March 2021

Time to enter the 2021 F1 Losers League

Lewis Hamilton saying "Me and Valtteri are going to win" while pointing at Elton John

The 2021 F1 Losers League is open for entries – and the deadline is approaching fast.

The entry deadline is 27 March, the start of qualifying at the Bahrain grand prix. This is a Losers League, so you'll want to pick the worst possible team: think retirements, red flags, tardiness and trouble-makers. 

"Oh heck, I'd better get on with it," we hear you say. Too right. Here's what you need to do.

  1. Have a look at the F1 Losers League points system to help you work out how the League will score things.

  2. Browse this year's driver and constructor line-up and decide who's going to be rubbish and earn you the most Losers Points.

  3. Enter your team. You'll need to pick three drivers and one constructor. And remember: a constructor will earn points at a faster rate than a driver.

  4. Have a cup of tea or a doughnut.
And that's it. You're on the starting blocks ready for kick-off, seconds out round one, and other assorted mixed sporting metaphors. Jump straight to the entry form here.