BIGGEST LOSERS IN ABU DHABI
- With their Boost Buttons exhausted, HAASN'T A CHANCE faced a potentially disastrous race. But they dug deep with some seriously risky Pitlane Punts, and topped the scores with 264 points.
- Back of the shed and Mancunian Badboy Racing claim joint 2nd in Abu Dhabi thanks to a rip-roaring Race Points result, bolstered by their Boost Buttons. 210 points each.
- Outside title challenger LockedDownLosers did a decent job on just one Boost Button, nailing 183 points and 4th place, although they were a more averse to Punts than usual.
- Just behind them were Not good on the BENds in 5th with 180. They would have got more if they hadn't kept the low-scoring Gasly on their team.
- Pierre Ghastly came 6th with 171 points: another good Punter.
Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Abu Dhabi.
TEAM ACTIONS IN ABU DHABI
- Back of the shed and Mancunian Badboy Racing has a perfect team line-up in Abu Dhabi, both with Mazepin and Alfa Romeo on their team. They each boosted best, adding an astonishing 140 points to their scores.
- Not good on the BENds and VroomDoom weren't far behind, topping up their scores by 120 points.
- NEEEOOOOWWWW gained 110 and Clean Trolls gained 106. These scores are mind-blowing: the best Boost from Saudi Arabia was a gain of 102 points.
- All these teams ran two Boost Buttons. The worst Boost result for a two-Button team was The Tour de France is Better: Tsunoda had a brilliant race, leaving Tour with just 28 extra points.
- Of the single-boosted teams, Tardi Minardi did pretty well, increasing their score by 60 points.
- HAASN'T A CHANCE, Panda Pops and Steady Jordan didn't Boost at all. They were deflated and withered, like an old balloon.
HAASN'T A CHANCE were a fabulous punter at Yas Marina, winning a net 175 points thanks to a wise last-minute bet. This gave them more punt winnings than their close rival Team Name, who netted 85 points. Pierre Ghastly brought home 75 points, and LockedDownLosers 60. The roulette wheel came off its spindle for Panda Pops, who ended up 55 points in the red, and Thomas's Tractors and VroomDoom who each lost 100 points.
- Let's start with the 2021 Chump Punt, a last-minute high-stakes gamble that asked teams to guess the loser of this year's Formula One championship. Panda Pops, Thomas's Tractors and VroomDoom all lose 100 points betting on Verstappen losing. Nikita Mazepimp were Break Assisted into guessing Verstappen, so have their stake waived. HAASN'T A CHANCE was the only team that waited until after qualifying, then bet on Hamilton losing. We suspect they also threw a spanner at Latifi on lap 50. HAASN'T took a chance and gain 100 points.
- The other big end-of-season bet was the Broken Woking: gamble on McLaren losing out in the Formula One championship by at least ten points to Ferrari. An easy 75-point win for HAASN'T A CHANCE, LockedDownLosers and Pierre Ghastly. Meanwhile, Team Name betted early when the odds were higher, so get a 100-point pay-out.
- Panda Pops played the Romeo Oh Romeo punt, and Kimi duly obliged as he crashed out of his race – and his F1 career. 120 points to Pops.
- Panda Pops and Team Name plumped for the Giantkiller in Saudi Arabia, hoping that neither Lewis nor Max would win the race. They each lose 15 points. Fernando Analonso was Break Assisted into the same punt, so have their stake quashed: zero loss for them.
- Panda Pops also played the Mazespin, but Mazepin's self-isolation brought an end to those hopes. A 30-point stake loss.
- It's Panda Pops again? We thought this species was endangered! It was a perfect weekend for Carlos Sainz so the Popsters lose 30 points on the Carlos Car Loss punt. We can see that Romeo Oh Romeo win tricking down the drain...
- LockedDownLosers's Wildlife Wager expired, and their zoo was empty. Minus 15 points.
- Thomas's Tractors were Break Assisted into a Better Than Vettel punt, with no success. Break Assist waives any stake loss
- HAASN'T A CHANCE placed perfect predictions for Latifi qualifying 16th and Vettel finishing the race in 11th. Two correct forecasts means 50 points. They gained another 5 with an almost-correct Qualifying Forecast for Russell, but then lost 10 points with Opening Lap predictions for Giovonazzi and Tsunoda, who each gained one place at the start. This all tallies up to a 45 point Forecast gain.
- LockedDownLosers also correctly placed a Qualifying Forecast for Latifi. 25 points to them. They clocked up a further 20 points with four almost-corrects: Qualifying Forecasts for Russell and Vettel, an Opening Lap forecast for a swamped Lando Norris, and a Race Result Forecast for Ricciardo. This all tallies up to, you guessed it, a 45 point Forecast gain.
- Panda Pops were less successful. They were almost correct with their Opening Lap Forecast for Verstappen, but then they lost out with a Stop Time guess for Schumacher (nine one-hundreds of a second from paying off!), an Opening Lap guess for Hamilton and a Penalty Forecast for Verstappen (oof!). A net minus-10.
- Team Name came away with a 15-point Forecast loss. All of their guesses were junk. They were hoping on a Penalty Forecast for Hamilton, a Race Result Forecast for Giovinazzi and a Stop Time Forecast Schumacher. Nope.
- The Tour de France is Better were Break Assisted into a Race Result prediction for Norris. Wrong, but no loss because it's Break Assist.
- For the third race in a row, Murraylivesforeverinourhearts were Break Assisted yet again into an Ejector Seat. We kicked Latifi off their team and replaced him with Tsunoda. Latifi retired while Tsunoda then got his best result of the season. Worst team of 2021. We're kinda proud for them.
PODIUM OF SHAME
The Podium of Shame is strictly based on Race Points from drivers and constructors, rather than the full team scores listed below. Each of these three low-scoring teams forgot how to lose, like a mole wandering into a new room of its underground hole home, then forgetting what it went into the room for, then getting smashed to pieces by an excavating JCB.
There is no Break Assist because there are no more races in the season. Not our fault. Blame the FIA.
- Cruthers Car Co. limped into 23rd place with 24 points, thanks to having a relatively successful Tsunoda and Bottas on their team.
- Hallelujah. Murraylivesforeverinourhearts came second-last with 19 points, gaining a nice bump from Raikkonen's nice bump with the barriers.
- In last place is The Tour de France is Better with 14 points. Which goes to prove that it's not better. Some of it's not even in France. What's that about?!
LOSERS TEAM SCORES IN ABU DHABI
|
1st |
HAASN'T A CHANCE |
264 |
|
2nd |
Back of the shed |
210 |
|
3rd |
Mancunian Badboy Racing |
210 |
|
4th |
LockedDownLosers |
183 |
|
5th |
Not good on the BENds |
180 |
|
6th |
Pierre Ghastly |
171 |
|
7th |
NEEEOOOOWWWW |
165 |
|
8th |
Clean Trolls |
159 |
|
9th |
Team Name |
158 |
|
10th |
Fernando Analonso |
147 |
|
11th |
The Pit Lockers |
135 |
|
12th |
Gunther's Gonna Get Ya |
132 |
|
13th |
Tardi Minardi |
120 |
|
14th |
Haas Beens |
117 |
|
15th |
Nikita Mazepimp |
117 |
|
16th |
It’s a trap Lando! |
102 |
|
17th |
WereDrivingInReverse |
81 |
|
18th |
VroomDoom |
80 |
|
19th |
Lou-sers |
78 |
|
20th |
Murraylivesforeverinourhearts |
57 |
|
21st |
Cruthers Car Co. |
48 |
|
22nd |
Thomas's Tractors |
47 |
|
23rd |
The Tour de France is Better |
42 |
|
24th |
Steady Jordan |
31 |
|
25th |
Panda Pops |
-19 |
BB = Boost Button pressed
FF = Fast Forecast played
PP = Pitlane Punt played or playing
EJ = Ejector Seat launched
LS = Lucky Spanner used
MORE POINTS
Here are the Race points for Abu Dhabi.
And here's how it's affected the final 2021 Standings.
Access your personal team page here.
WHAT'S NEXT?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just a deep void of unhappiness where we play racecars with the bananas in the fruit bowl while waiting for the start of next year's League. Still. We have an F1 Losers League 2021 champion, which is nice.
