Wednesday 23 November 2022

F1 Losers League champion 2022

2022 CHAMPION VLADIMIR MAZEPIN  PODIUM STROLLING THE RANKS  PODIUM NIKITA PUTIN  WORST DRIVER NICHOLAS LATIFI  WORST CONSTRUCTOR HAAS

Here are the final standings for the 2022 Losers League, following the Abu Dhabi grand prix.

Vladimir Mazepin are the 2022 champions, in the end by quite some margin. Their persistent punting paid off, and they have double delight with their sister team Nikita Putin claiming 3rd place in the championship. Under the name of LockedDownLosers, they claimed only a podium in last year's contest, so this will be vindication.

Strolling the ranks battled brilliantly, and had claimed top spot in the standings. They ended up as season runners-up, with their sister team What Verstappened in 4th. Last year's champions HAASN'T A CHANCE competed as Scrapyard 17 and Work Shop Boys, with the former only able to grab 5th this season.

Tip of the hat to パンダポップ and Team Name, who had led the League earlier in the season but ended things in 7th and 14th respectively. And to Spoiler Alert and Tardi Minardi who had colossal last-minute surges into the top ten - if only the season was longer.

Nicholas Latifi was our losing driver of the year, while Haas claim top losing constructor by one point from Williams. Thank you to all the calamitous cars that gave us so many Track Points in 2022.

Read on for the final Standings.

Losers team commentary: Abu Dhabi grand prix 2022

 

guenther steiner pointing at mick schumacher saying "latifi beat you in the losers league? you're fired"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN ABU DHABI

    1st  |  VroomerDoomer  |  165
    2nd  |  Alpine Fresh  |  152
    3rd  |  Group Team Name  |  148
    4th  |  What Verstappened  |  142
    5th  |  Vladimir Mazepin  |  136
    6th  |  Tardi Minardi  |  127

    This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Abu Dhabi grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

    Losers team data: Abu Dhabi grand prix 2022

    Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Abu Dhabi grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

    For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

    Carry on reading the data.

    Track points for drivers and constructors: Abu Dhabi grand prix 2022

    Vettel doing donuts in his car with someone saying "youre going the wrong way"

    All good things come to an end. All bad things come to an end too, with the Abu Dhabi marking the finish of the 2022 F1 Losers League. Stop reading this waffle and take a look at the final season standings now.

    The newly sacked Mick Schumacher topped the driver Track Points at the Yas Marina circuit, bringing his terrible tenure to an end. We'd love to meet this Mick Schumacher entourage that Martin Brundle mentioned. Meanwhile, Mercedes topped the constructor Track Points in Abu Dhabi, although without their Beige Flag, those plaudits would have gone to the terrible twosome of Haas and Williams.

    Not sure what to do now. Take up knitting? Go nude snowboarding? Invade a hat museum? Sculpt a lifesize model of Logan Sargeant from earwax and sellotape? Sigh. [twiddles thumbs for three months]

    Read on for all the Track Points in Abu Dhabi.

    Thursday 17 November 2022

    Standings after the Brazil grand prix 2022

    Here the latest standings following the 2022 Brazil grand prix.

    The launch of every unused Boost Button in the League has caused ructions throughout the loserboard. 22 teams have changed position, with Spoiler Alert reaching a season high of 14th place and Mancunian Badboy Racing jumping back into the top ten. That said, the top six remain locked in battle. 

    Pole boy Magnussen is back in the top three worst drivers of the season, while Haas retake their position at the top of the constructor standings.

    Read on for the full Standings.

    Losers team commentary: Brazil grand prix 2022

    verstappen saying "no i won't be giving sergio my track points"

    BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRAZIL

      1st  |  Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B  |  213
      2nd  |  Spoiler Alert  |  180
      3rd  |  Sainz-Tropez  |  102
      4th  |  Alpine Fresh  |  125
      5th  |  It's a Trap Lando  |  120
      6th  |  Mancunian Badboy Racing  |  117

      This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Brazil grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

      Losers team data: Brazil grand prix 2022

      Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Brazil grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

      For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

      Carry on reading the data.

      Track points for drivers and constructors: Brazil grand prix 2022

      ricciardo and schumacher crashing, with one of them saying "fancy meeting you here"

      "Can we have a more interesting race next week, please?" we demanded in the report for Mexico. Brazil certainly delivered.

      Thank goodness we don't pay attention to pole position, because the League would have imploded at the sight of Haas's Kevin Magnussen topping qualifying. What was he thinking? Poke us in the eye, why dontcha. Honestly, some people have no respect for losing.

      All came, er, good in the end when Magnussen was taken out at the start of the race, earning him a whole bunch of Track Points. Honestly, we didn't sabotage things. Honest. McLaren earned their biggest points of the season thanks to Ricciardo crashing into Magnussen, and Norris trundling to a stop. And Perez and Verstappen, who love each other very much, scored their first Track Points since July.

      This sprint weekend sees Sprint Drop points going to a warring Fernando Alonso and Esteban Ocon, while our Raceday Special pivots once again, this time giving points to the second race retiree.

      Read on for all the Track Points in Brazil.

      Friday 4 November 2022

      Standings after the Mexico grand prix 2022

      Here the latest standings following the 2022 Mexico grand prix.

      With double Boost Buttons, Vladimir Mazepin and Nikita Putin are on a mission to secure their place at the top of the table. Strolling the ranks must be sweating. Meanwhile, Double Daley are the highest rise on the teams loserboard.

      Daniel Ricciardo tumbles down the driver rankings following his overtaking moves in Mexico, while there's not a lot of change again in the constructors' listings.

      Read on for the full Standings.

      Losers team commentary: Mexico grand prix 2022

      A bored Lando Norris in a Mexican hat, saying "MEXICO, WHAT A THRILLER"

      BIGGEST LOSERS IN MEXICO

        1st  |  Nikita Putin  |  181
        2nd  |  Vladimir Mazepin  |  176
        3rd  |  Strolling the ranks  |  98
        4th|  Double Daley  |  87
        5th  |  What Verstappened  |  85
        =6th  |  Alfa Daley  |  83
        =6th  |  The Blue Flag Boys  |  83

        This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Mexico grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

        Losers team data: Mexico grand prix 2022

        Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Mexico grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

        For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

        (Note: these scores have been updated extensively following the cancellation of Alonso's post-race penalty.)

        Carry on reading the data.

        Track points for drivers and constructors: Mexico grand prix 2022

          

        A helmeted Fernando Alonso, head drooped in his arms, caption "CAN’T BELIEVE YUKI SCORED MORE TRACK POINTS THAN ME"

        Here is what I dreamt about during the Mexico grand prix. Being chased by bears. Turning up late for a maths exam. Tentacles for fingers. Going the shops without trousers on. Floating above the grand canyon with a little helicopter hat on. Riding a hippo for fun. Falling through the sky. Playing tennis with Peter Andre. Sheep jumping over a fence.

        Yuki Tsunoda topped the driver points after being bashed out of the race on lap 50 by a charging Daniel Ricciardo. Alonso's up there two as his run of bad luck continues. Meanwhile Haas had such a bad weekend, it was like they were reliving their Mazepin days.

        Can we have a more interesting race next week, please? 

        Read on for all the Track Points in Mexico.

        Wednesday 2 November 2022

        The Lax Max Climax Punt

         

        Lax Max Climax: Play this Pitlane Punt

        Max keeps winning. Win, win, win . It's all he ever does.

        But with the championship all tied up, will Max Verstappen get bored of all this winning nonsense?

        Bet that Max Verstappen does NOT win the season's closing race in Abu Dhabi. Read on to play this Punt.

        Wednesday 26 October 2022

        Standings after the US (Austin) grand prix 2022

        Here the latest standings following the 2022 US grand prix.

        After a relatively low-scoring US grand prix, there's not a lot of change in any of the standings. Vladimir Mazepin have reeled in Strolling the ranks to just a few points at the top of the loserboard. Quietly, further down the listings, Camber Gamblers reach a new season high of 12th place.

        Oh my crap, there is a MASSIVE change in the standings! Thanks to the FIA rescinding Alonso's penalty, we're entirely revised our points for the US grand prix. Vladimir Mazepin are back in the lead of the championship. And Camber Gamblers retain that new season high. Champagne all round! Unless you're Strolling the ranks,

        In the drivers and constructor rankings, a few names have half-heartedly exchanged positions, like a couple of bored pensioners playing chess. No change. Rubbish. No change at all.

        Read on for the full Standings.

        Losers team commentary: US (Austin) grand prix 2022

        brad pitt and lewis hamilton pointing at a digital camera

        BIGGEST LOSERS IN THE US

          1st  |  Vladimir Mazepin  |  114
          2nd  |  What Verstappened  |  102
          3rd  |  Steady Jordan  |  77
          4th  |  Nikita Putin  |  73
          5th  |  Strolling the ranks  |  63
          6th  |  The Blue Flag Boys  |  54

          The top six has changed in the light of Alonso's cancelled post-race penalty. Camber Gamblers and Double Daley drop out of the top six, replaced by The Blue Flag Boys.

          This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the US grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

          Losers team data: US (Austin) grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the US grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          (Note: these scores have been updated extensively following the cancellation of Alonso's post-race penalty.)

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track points for drivers and constructors: US (Austin) grand prix 2022

          daniel ricciardo on a horse

          The US grand prix saw Ricciardo walking in on a horse, and a feisty Bull beating the prancing horse to the constructors' championship. In the world of F1 Losers, Carlos Sainz continued his Track Points dominance by getting hustled out of the race by Russell. Thanks to a rare double beige flag, Red Bull lead the constructor Track Points in Austin. Ferrari and Williams are pretty close behind.

          But let's talk about what really matters.

          Firstly, how the heck did the US announcer mangle Zhou Guanyu's name^ so badly? "Zchack Granzhoo?" What's next? Jock Vonstappen? Ferndangle Alonzie? Purry Gasmask? Ridiculous.

          Secondly, the worst chequered flag waving^ ever. We can only imagine Guenther Steiner was in a hammock off camera demanding to be cooled down, with Tim Cook fanning him while Shaq O'Neal popped grapes into his mouth.

          (The following points have been adjusted in the light of Alonso's 30-second penalty being withdrawn.)

          Read on for all the Track Points in the US.

          Sunday 16 October 2022

          The Prancing Duck Punt

          Prancing Duck Punt: Play this Pitlane Punt

          Ferrari have been pipped to the post this season by Red Bull. They've even got Mercedes biting at their heels for podium places.

          So is the prancing horse now a lame duck? 

          Bet a Ferrari driver won't step on the podium at a selected race. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 12 October 2022

          Standings after the Japanese grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Japanese grand prix.

          And we have big news! The F1 Losers League has a brand new leader, the fourth team to reach the top spot in 2022. Strolling the ranks take 1st place in the standings, deposing previous leader Vladimir Mazepin. Meanwhile, Strolling's sister team What Verstappened reach a new high of 3rd place, deposing Vladimir's sister team Nikita Putin. With four races left in the season, it's all kicking off!

          Doff of the hat to Work Shop Boys for reaching a new season high of 11th place. A small hat, but a hat nonetheless.

          In the driver rankings, Mick Schumacher slides up to 3rd, while George Russell retakes his place as the least-pointed driver. The constructors are still shuffling about, with Williams retaking top spot and Ferrari incredibly jumping up into the top five.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Japan grand prix 2022

          A Japanese F1 fan with a sign saying "Ferrari, hire me as a strategist" with the added caption "Go, パンダポップ"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN JAPAN

          • 1st  |  What Verstappened  |  148
          • 2nd  |  Strolling the ranks  |  130
          • 3rd  |  Steady Jordan  |  113
          • =4th  |  Hot Hot Hovercraft  |  67
          • =4th  |  Tardi Minardi  |  67
          • 6th  |  Scrapyard 17  |  61
          Read on for the commentary page for the Japanese grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Japanese grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Japanese grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track points for drivers and constructors: Japanese grand prix 2022

          Alonso with fingers over his eyes, saying "THE VISIBILITY’S  TERRIBLE BECAUSE OF ALL THESE FINGERS"

          Everything is well organised in Japan. The trains run on time, people are polite to one another, and the FIA chucks random crane vehicles into heavy drizzle while getting confused about its own points system. We're beginning to think the F in FIA stands for Fail.

          Most of the Track Points in Suzuka were earned in the first, short, soggy segment of the race. Sainz aquaplaned out of the running while Albon knackered his radiator after what he called the worst racing experience of his career^. It seems astonishing that amid this torrent of disaster, Nicholas Latifi scored zero Track Points for the first time this year.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Japan.

          Tuesday 11 October 2022

          Seb's Last Stand

          Play this Pitlane Punt: Seb's Last Stand

          Since he started racing in F1 in 2007, Sebastian Vettel has entertained us with his race wins and commitment to litter picking.

          His last ever race in F1 will be in Abu Dhabi on November 20th. A glorious end to wonderful— ah who are we kidding, this is the Losers League.

          Bet that Vettel won't finish in the top ten in his last ever race. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 5 October 2022

          Standings after the Singapore grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Singapore grand prix.

          In just a few races, Vladimir Mazepin have seen a lead of around 140 points reduce to just 27. Cockpit Misfits and Cruthers Car Co. are the biggest risers on the loserboard. This final run to the season finish line is going to be tense.

          Williams take a slight lead in the constructor standings. Alonso jumps three places in the driver rankings, poor guy, while Nicholas Latifi remains reliably the worst driver in F1. Ocon has been at the bottom of the drivers table since the start of June – he is replaced as the least losing driver by Russell.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Singapore grand prix 2022

          Tsunoda and Gasly in little ice bath tubs, disrobed and looking at the camera. Tsunoda says "this new car upgrade is rubbish". Gasly says "Sack this, I'm off to Alpine"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN SINGAPORE

          • 1st  |  Strolling the ranks  |  161
          • 2nd  |  Cockpit Misfits  |  135
          • 3rd  |  Camber Gamblers  |  127
          • 4th  |  Scrapyard 17  |  112
          • 5th  |  Cruther’s Car Co.   |  100
          • 6th  |  Pierre Ghastly  |  90
          Read on for the commentary page for the Singapore grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Singapore grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Singapore grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track points for drivers and constructors: Singapore grand prix 2022

          A helmeted Nicholas Latifi behind railings, sighing

          A week after he was booted out by Williams, Nicholas Latifi took to the streets of Singapore and booted Zhou Guanyu into a wall. We are deeply proud of Latifi's commitment to loserdom. Let's not forget he is currently 21st in the 20-driver Formula One world championship. Nicholas, you will be missed. Well done for topping the points in Singapore.

          It was also goodnight at the night race for both Alpine cars. Ocon and Alonso had engine failures, resulting in a championship-damaging double DNF for the French team. Alonso's retirement had a bonus knock-on effect of George Russell pitting under the safety car for slick tyres, after which the Englishman tootled around the circuit like a wheelbarrow being pushed by turtle. Spectacular stuff.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Singapore.

          Wednesday 14 September 2022

          Standings after the Monza grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Monza grand prix.

          Vlad Maz, as they're known to their mates, keep a decent lead in the F1 Losers League. However, Strolling the ranks reach 2nd place for the first time, Tardi Minardi and Hot Hot Hovercraft shoot up the standings, while Spoiler Alert reach their highest position so far this year. There's hope for everyone.

          After sixteen races, Haas and Williams find themselves on 226 points each. They're connected like a double yolker, with an equal amount of egg on their face.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Monza grand prix 2022

          An Aston Martin engineer spraying smoke at someone, saying "Here, have some points, loser"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN MONZA

          • 1st  |  Tardi Minardi  |  111
          • 2nd  |  Strolling the ranks  |  103
          • 3rd  |  パンダポップ  |  100
          • 3rd  |  What Verstappened  |  100
          • 5th  |  Group Team Name  |  97
          • 6th  |  Steady Jordan  |  96
          Read on for the commentary page for the Monza grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Monza grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Monza grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Monza grand prix 2022

          Jets doing a fly-by, with one saying "Faster! We're catching the safety car!"

          The F1 Losers League would like to congratulate the safety car for winning the 2022 Italian grand prix in Monza. Its strategy was genius: pop out towards the end of the race, and make everyone stay behind until the finish line. Ferrari could learn a thing or two.

          At the other end of the field, the Track Points in Monza were loaded towards Sebastian Vettel and Aston Martin. A double retirement for the green team. Seb was left to rue a wasted weekend at the very circuit at which he claimed his first ever F1 win. He called the Aston Martin car the "slowest of all".

          Which is wrong. Because the safety car is an Aston Martin too. And that was the fastest car of all because it won the race. Silly Sebastian.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Monza.

          The Suzuka Bazooka (closed)

          The Suzuka Bazooka: play this Pitlane Punt now

          This punt is now closed.

          Japanese racing driver Yuki Tsunoda was disappointed when his home grand prix was cancelled in 2021 due to the pandemic. At last, in 2022, he gets to be an F1 star in front of his home crowd at Suzuka!

          What could possibly go wrong.

          Bet that Tsunoda won't finish the 2022 Japanese grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 7 September 2022

          Standings after the Dutch grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Dutch grand prix.

          Vladimir Mazepin and their sister team Nikita Putin maintain their stronghold at the top of the F1 Losers League. What Verstappened reach a new high of 4th place. Further down, Camber Gamblers achieve a season best of 14th.

          There's not much change in the driver standings, with Bottas, Sainz and Norris making gains further down that loserboard. Meanwhile, in the constructor standings, it's all-out war between Haas and Williams, with number one spot changing yet again.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Dutch grand prix 2022

          Pigeons peck grass just over the racing line, with the alarming message LAP TIMES DELETED

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN THE NETHERLANDS

          • 1st  |  Hot Hot Hovercraft  |  122
          • 2nd  |  Mancunian Badboy Racing  |  117
          • 3rd  |  Steady Jordan  |  107
          • 4th  |  Camber Gamblers  |  98
          • 5th  |  Nikita Putin  |  94
          • 6th  |  What Verstappened  |  91
          Read on for the commentary page for the Dutch grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Dutch grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Dutch grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Dutch grand prix 2022

          Mechanics adjust Yuki Tsunoda's seatbelt, with Yuki saying "LEFT A BIT, RIGHT A BIT,  OH YEAH, THAT’S THE SPOT"

          This race report is written by Yuki Tsunoda.

          The Dutch grand prix was a fun weekend and I was delighted to come away with the most points. It was a shame about people throwing flares on the track. Wait. No, not flares, Dolphins. Handbags? What were they throwing on the track, again? Let me just loosen my seatbelt so I can think straight. I'm so confused. I'd best stop writing before I get anything else wrong. No, wait. My team tells me everything's fine. I'm continuing to write. Let's carry on. Thanks to Valtteri Bottas's retirement, Alfa Romeo top the constructors points alongside my own team AlphaTauri. How delightful. Oh no. This keyboard feels loose. Something's broken. I'm stopping writing after all. Am I, though? Dolphins? Seatbelts? Pigeons? Handbags?! I'm so confused.

          Read on for all the Track Points in the Netherlands.

          Tuesday 6 September 2022

          Credit where it's due: here comes Losers Loan Sunday

          Losers Loan Sunday

          We're delighted to announce that 18th September 2022 is Losers Loan Sunday.

          We all need help at the moment. Bills are mounting and there's bad news at every corner. Even Liz Truss seems really worried about fish markets.

          On Losers Loan Sunday, every team in the League will receive 13 points credit. These 13 points are to be "spent" before the end of this month.

          With the 13 points, you can:

          • Put it towards Pitlane Punt stakes, so if you fail, credit points will go towards paying your stake.

          • Put it towards Fast Forecasts, so if you fail, credit points will go towards paying your 5-point loss.

          • Buy a one-race micro-Boost (worth an extra one-fifth of your Track Points) for 8 credit points.

          • Buy an extra Ejector Seat for 13 points, to be deployed immediately.

          You can use your credit across one or some of the above – but you only have 13 points to spend.

          For example:

          • You use your credit towards a gamble on the Top of the Crop Stop Punt. But oh no, the Punt fails. You would normally lose an 8 point stake. But you used your credit, so you lose nothing. 8 points of your credit are used up. Your credit is now down to 5 points.

          • You then use your credit towards a Fast Forecast, predicting Verstappen will qualify 16th. You are an idiot and lose 5 points. Except you don't. Your remaining 5 point credit covers your loss. Your credit is now down to zero. Losers loan complete!

          You have to specifically request your credit when taking out a team action. If you don't request a credit, it won't apply. The process for doing this is as follows:

          • If you want to put your credit towards a Punt or Forecast, when you write your team name on the submission form, write the word CREDIT afterwards. Like this: "Steady Jordan CREDIT".

          • If you want to buy an extra Ejector Seat for all 13 credit points, submit an Ejector Seat change as normal. As above, when you write your team name on the submission form, write the word CREDIT afterwards. Like this: "Steady Jordan CREDIT".

          • If you want to buy a one-race micro Boost for 8 points, use the special form at the bottom of this page. The form will appear on September 18th.

          You can also email and message requests to the usual email address and Twitter account.

          You can only enact credits between 18th and 30th September inclusive. Any requests before then will be ignored.

          We'll use up your credit requests in strict chronological order of submission. If you use up your 13 credit points – which you may not discover until we publish race results – any later credit requests will fail and you'll lose your usual points as normal. You might as well request a lot as you don't know what will succeed and what will fail!

          The 13-point credit is temporary. Ephemeral. Like Daniel Ricciardo's reputation. If you don't use your credit before the end of the month, it disappears.

          We already feel better about the fish markets!

          THE EJECTOR FORM

          Monday 5 September 2022

          The Best Laid El-Plans Punt

          Pitlane Punt: play the Best Laid El-Plans Punt

          Alpine's dominance over McLaren seems assured, with Alonso's brilliant performances overshadowing Daniel Ricciardo's continuing struggles.

          But any Alpine region has valleys as well as peaks.

          At the next race in the season, bet that one of the Alpine cars will have a worse race result than both McLarens. Read on to play this Punt.

          Sunday 4 September 2022

          The Bernie Earner (closed)

          Pitlane Punt: Play the Bernie Earner

          This Pitlane Punt has now closed to new entries.

          Former F1 boss Bernie Ecclestone has had a tumultuous year. He got in hot water for comments about Putin and racism, and he's currently being dragged through the courts.

          Will the famously outspoken character clean up his act? Probably not.

          Predict that Bernie Ecclestone will be the subject of a new scandal any time in the next month. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 31 August 2022

          Standings after the Belgian grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Belgian grand prix.

          What Verstappened continue to charge up the Losers League, as do their sister team Strolling the ranks. Both teams are at the highest point they have been all season. Mancunian Badboy Racing jump up three places and may find themselves back in the top ten. And look how tight it is between 2nd and 3rd. We now have four teams that have passed the 1000-point barrier.

          Valtteri Bottas is the highest rising driver, and McLaren is the highest rising constructor. Williams and Haas are still locked to within one point at the top of their loserboard.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Belgian grand prix 2022

          Hamilton's car flying into the air, with Hamilton saying "GUYS, WE REALLY NEED TO SORT THIS PORPOISING"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN BELGIUM

          • What Verstappened took a strong 1st place at Spa with 165 points. An incredible clutch of Pitlane Punt wins (see below) was backed up by, well, throwing everything else at the wall too. Good Track Points at the heart of it all.
          • In 2nd place are Mancunian Badboy Racing, whose 127 points is largely attributable to a double Boost Button, but there was Punt success in there too.
          • What Verstappened's sister team Strolling the ranks find themselves in 3rd place with 120 points. Similar story to their partner outfit: punts, punts, punts.
          • In 4th place are League leaders Vladimir Mazepin. Their 108 points come from good Punting, if slightly let down by a poor Boost performance.
          • Same for Nikita Putin, Vlad's sister team, who take 106 points and 5th position in Belgium.
          • The double-boosted Double Daley just scraped 6th place, mainly thanks to a spot of Punt perfection.
          This is the commentary page for the Belgian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Belgian grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Belgian grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Belgian grand prix 2022

          Ricciardo looking surprised, saying "a beige WHAT?"

          So many teams started in the pitlane at the Belgian grand prix, we were thinking of setting up offices there. There were four beige flags given out in this race, which is a lovely way to return from the summer break.

          Daniel Ricciardo was the race's biggest losing driver, partly because his career is imploding, and also because he tanked in the race itself. Schumacher took second place – there's a new Pitlane Punt about him here. Weird to see Hamilton so high in the driver points, but we guess he's having his own career trouble at the moment. What was it Alonso said about him in the race? That he only knows how to drive when in first place? The League appreciates this new phase in Lewis's career.

          Alfa Romeo and Mercedes lead the way in the constructors at Spa. They were the only two teams to have retirements in this race, with Romeo scoring retirement Track Points for a third race in a row. Oh and we can finally award those Piastri beige flag points to Alpine.

          From next week's Netherlands grand prix, the raceday special Track Points element pivots once again. It will no longer be about teammate gaps. In September, these points will be given to the car that gets the biggest FIA penalty in a race weekend . Chosen at our discretion. Learn about Track Points here.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Belgium.

          The Schu Shoo Punt (closed)

          The Schu Shoo: Play this Pitlane Punt

          This punt has now closed.

          Mick Schumacher is battling to keep his seat at Haas^. We wouldn't normally do a second punt about one driver, but this feels like a big moment.

          Has Mick's many crashes put a dent in his career? Will he be saved by another team?

          Bet that any time in the next three weeks that Schumacher will lose his 2023 Haas drive. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 3 August 2022

          Standings after the Hungarian grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Hungarian grand prix.

          While there's not much change at the top, What Verstappened reach a new high of 8th in the League. The biggest climbers are sister teams Alfa Daley and Double Daley.

          We have a new worst constructor. Williams return to the top of the constructors' loserboard, just one point ahead of Haas. Bottas and Perez take several steps up the drivers' rankings.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Hungarian grand prix 2022

          Sebastian Vettel saying "hey guys, I'm driving for Alpine next year"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN HUNGARY

          • In 1st place at the Hungarian grand prix is Vladimir Mazepin with 142 points. They were the best Booster of the race, despite it being an automatic action. Lucky Vlad. Three Pitlane Punt wins certainly helped too.
          • What Verstappened take 2nd place with 138 points. Great Track Points, two perfect Forecasts and Punt wins to boot.
          • Vladimir Mazepin's sister team Nikita Putin comes 3rd with 110 points. Talk about a dominating performance in the League standings.
          • What Verstappened's sister outfit Strolling the ranks got 107 points and claim 4th place in Hungary. Loads of Forecast and Punt points.
          • In 5th position are Alfa Daley with 104, slightly flattered by pressing two Boost Buttons.
          • Nailing their Fast Forecasts were Scrapyard 17, whose 99 points give them 6th place.
          This is the commentary page for the Hungarian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Hungarian grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Hungarian grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Hungarian grand prix 2022

          Valtteri Bottas shooting a water pistol, saying "it's an alien ray gun, no more sausage legs for me"

          A year on from his bowling ball destruction, Valtteri Bottas was the only retirement at this year's Hungarian grand prix. The reasons for his exit this time were far less dramatic. A problem with his fuel system. That's rubbish. He could at least have been kidnapped by aliens and returned to his cockpit with sausages for legs or something. He takes the spoils in Hungary alongside Ricciardo, who had a rotten race and therefore scooped the earliest exit and raceday special Track Points.

          Williams and Alfa Romeo were the highest scoring constructors. But never mind that. Vettel! He's going! Sebastian Vettel has had an illustrious career. He came 7th in the drivers' standings in the 2021 F1 Losers League, and is currently 4th in the 2022 rankings. He's done other stuff in F1 too, can't remember. We salute you, Inspector Seb.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Hungary.

          Wednesday 27 July 2022

          Standings after the French grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 French grand prix.

          Vladimir Mazepin keep the lead of the League, with their sister team Nikita Putin now joining them in second place. The Russians are ruling the show! Scrapyard 17 and Strolling the ranks reach new heights on our loserboard, and the highest climber is Work Shop Boys.

          The biggest climbing driver is Tsunoda, although Latifi remains king of the crumbling castle. not much change in the constructors' rankings, with Haas consolidating their lead.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: French grand prix 2022

          Yuki Tsunoda speaking into a microphone while saying "I did it for the Losers League"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN FRANCE

          • Taking 1st place in France is Scrapyard 17 with 190 points. They ticked all the boxes. Two boosts, big Track Points, decent Forecasting and Pitlane Punt reasonableness. Slam flipping dunk.
          • Strolling the ranks had a staggeringly good Track Points result, with two Punt wins and a Boost bringing them to 2nd place and 160 points.
          • In 3rd place with 146 points are Tardi Minardi, helped by an extra Boost Button.
          • Scrapyard 17's sister team Work Shop Boys help themselves to 4th place and 130 points. They Fast Forecasted with flying colours.
          • A good (and Boosted) Track Points score gave The Blue Flag Boys 106 points and 5th place in France.
          • And the final team scoring triple figures are Tardi Minardi's sister team Steady Jordan. 103 points gets them 6th place in this race.
          This is the commentary page for the French grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: French grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the French grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: French grand prix 2022

           Leclerc's Ferrari in the barriers, long skid marks trailing, with a satnav saying "after 200 yards, turn right"

          All eyes were on Leclerc driving his championship hopes into the Paul Ricard barriers. "First retirement!" we whooped. "Biggest loser of the race!" we salivated. But no. Missed by the cameras, Yuki Tsunoda quietly retired his damaged car following an earlier clash with Ocon. That and a beige flag makes Yuki our finest failure in France by some margin.

          Haas's trip to France was a stinker. A pitlane start, bad tyre degradation, a poorly timed pit stop, Mick Schumacher hitting Zhou, and a race-ending clash with Latifi for Kevin Magnussen. "We struggled a little bit," said Mick after the race. And then some. The biggest losing constructor of France 2022.

          Read on for all the Track Points in France.

          Thursday 21 July 2022

          The Oh No Ocon Punt (closed)

          Oh No Ocon: play this Pitlane Punt

          Esteban Ocon is the lowest scoring driver in the F1 Losers League so far. So let's give him his own Pitlane Punt.

          Here's the situation. Esteban hasn't returned any of our letters, despite us writing them in lovely green crayon, and sending them by carrier rat. "Do worse!" we plead. "Slow down!" we beg. The question is: will he listen to us?

          Ocon is currently 8th in the FIA world championship standings^. Bet that he will be 9th or lower by the time we get to the summer break.

          Read on to play this Punt.

          Thursday 14 July 2022

          The Flexi Floor Flutter (closed)

          Play the Flexi Floor Flutter now

          This punt is now closed to new submissions.

          There has been a lot of debate about "flexi floors", a mysterious aerodynamic trick that the FIA wants to crack down on as we go into the summer break. See the video at the bottom of this page.

          Mercedes have struggled this year, but they reckon this will "level the playing field". Meanwhile, people are accusing Red Bull of using flexi-floors a bit too much. What will happen once the FIA get involved?

          For the first races after the summer break, bet that either (a) Mercedes' race results will drop off or (b) Red Bull's race results will drop off. Read on to play this Punt.

          Wednesday 13 July 2022

          Losers team data: Austrian grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Austrian grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Standings after the Austrian grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Austrian grand prix.

          パンダポップ (it's Japanese for Panda Pops) leaps up to second place on the loserboard, slightly reducing Vladimir Mazepin's lead. Tardi Minardi are the highest risers, shuffling up seven places, while Strolling the ranks achieve their season best of 7th place. 

          As far as the driver rankings go, Seb Vettel moves up three places to 2nd place. Perez also moves up three places, but he's much further down the standings. Williams cut Haas's lead in the constructor's listings to two points. And how on earth have Red Bull moved up to 4th? Yikes.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Austrian grand prix 2022

          The Red Bull Ring bull statue amid a crowd of spectators, aying "‘SCUSE ME MATE, IS THIS THE WAY TO THE TOILETS?"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN AUSTRIA

          • Taking 1st place and top dog in Austria is パンダポップ. However, their 130 points tell a different story. With four Boost Buttons active, they really should have scored a lot more. Instead, they boosted weakly on one of the fewest Track Points of the race.
          • Strolling the ranks put in a good all-round performance. Okay Track Points with decent enough Forecasts and Punts added up to a mighty 2nd place and 95 points.
          • Steady Jordan boosted brilliantly to claim 3rd place and 90 nice points.
          • Scrapyard 17 were another terrible booster, but they still got stuck in and elevated their score to 87 points and 4th position in Austria.
          • A couple of good Punt wins ensured 5th place and 83 points for What Verstappened.
          • And with 76 points and 6h place, Cockpit Misfits bring this rollcall to an end. Note: no sign of any of our top four teams in this list.
          This is the commentary page for the Austrian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Austrian grand prix 2022

          Sainz looking down on the ground, saying "I’M SURE I LEFT MY TRACK POINTS HERE SOMEWHERE"

          The Austrian grand prix delivered high drama at all ends of the field, not just-- oh hold on, we went over track limits. Let's start again.

          With retirements from Perez and Sainz, Austria delivered yet another unpredictable F1 Losers result. Always bad news for our Losers teams. And how about Schumacher finishing in the top ten for a second ti-- sorry, we went over track limits. Let's begin over.

          The race in Austria was a high scorer for drivers and constructors. The second highest of the season, in fact. This is mainly because of biggest drop Track Points being shared across five cars, and a whole load of beige flag points for driv-- dammit, over track limits again.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Austria.

          Wednesday 6 July 2022

          Standings after the British grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 British grand prix.

          Vladimir Mazepin remains in first place in the F1 Losers League.  Below them, Cruther's Car Co. rise an impressive nine places on the loserboard, while パンダポップ move up six places, sneaking back into that all-important top five. 

          Pierre Gasly and George Russell are the biggest risers in the driver rankings, while Alfa Romeo's double retirement shoots them up four places on the constructors' table. Latifi and Haas remain in solid first places.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: British grand prix 2022

          George Russell running off track, saying "just nipping off to get some track points, BRB"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRITAIN

          • 1st place in Britain goes to パンダポップ, who pressed four Boost Buttons - and in all fairness, they did alright with Forecasts and Punts too. 193 points to them.
          • What Verstappened pulled off the seemingly impossible feat of perfectly predicting three Fast Forecasts, giving them 2nd place and 114 in Silverstone.
          • Steady Jordan benefitted from George Russell's curtailed race, plus some good Track Pointing. A total of 106 and 3rd place.
          • Vladimir Mazepin won four Pitlane Punts, which is just ridiculous. They chalk up 5th place in Britain, with their 103 points making them the fourth team to get a 100+ score in Britain.
          • Great Track Points, great Boosting. Cruther’s Car Co.'s 97 points gets them 5th place.
          • In 6th position with 92 points at the British grand prix are My heart will Grosjean, whose Gloomy Schumi loss did little to dent a well-timed Boost.
          This is the commentary page for the British grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: British grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the British grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: British grand prix 2022

          Tom Cruise thanking a pitlane mechanic, saying "THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THE RACEDAY SPECIAL, SURE APPRECIATE IT"

          The British grand prix was almost immediately red flagged when Alex Albon, George Russell and Zhou Guanyu's races were cut short, the latter skimming upside-down over the tyre barrier. We can only imagine Tom Cruise watching from the VIP area getting ideas for his next blockbuster stunt. The unfortunate trio all share earliest exit Track Points and the accolade of biggest losers in Silverstone.

          Our raceday special Track Points pivot every two months. In May and June, the points went to the car with the longest pitstop. For July and August, they're awarded to the car that finishes the most number of places behind a teammate. Step forward, Daniel Ricciardo and McLaren.

          For the constructors, Alfa Romeo had a double retirement and score by far their highest Track Points of the season. Zhou had that dramatic off at the start, while Bottas's gearbox let go later in the race. They weren't the highest-scoring constructor, though. Williams take that honour thanks to some beige flag-worthy news we've only just discovered. No loserdom remains hidden here at the F1 Losers League.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Britain.

          Wednesday 22 June 2022

          Standings after the Canadian grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Canadian grand prix.

          We have a new leader of the F1 Losers League. Vladimir Mazepin finally overturns Team Name's seven-race-long lead of the championship, and sees their sister team Nikita Putin creeping into third for that extra level of threat. Strolling the ranks and Work Shop Boys reach new highs in the standings, the latter shooting up nine places.

          Latifi and Haas retain their lead of their respective loserboards, with the highest risers being Lando Norris and, thanks to beige flag Track Points, Lewis Hamilton.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Canadian grand prix 2022

          Mick Schumacher poring over paperwork with his engineers, saying "Work Shop Boys? This is like Kraftwerk, yes?"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN CANADA

          • 1st Work Shop Boys 101  |  Good punting and the best Booster of the race, barely diminished by a minor Forecast loss
          • 2nd Strolling the ranks 98  |  A double Pitlane Punt success underpinned their marvellous Montreal
          • 3rd Nikita Putin 83  |  Didn't particularly excel with Track Points, but got a let-up from some plucky punting
          • 4th Vladimir Mazepin 76  |  Along with their sister team in 3rd place, VladMaz were one of only two teams that won three Pitlane Punts in Canada
          • 5th Pierre Ghastly 74  |  Helped by punting on Williams' poor performance
          • 6th Double Daley 69  |  The best Track Points of the race
          This is the commentary page for the Canadian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Canadian grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Canadian grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Canadian grand prix 2022

          Sergio Perez lost in some bushes, saying "I'm sure I parked it here somewhere"

          Sergio Perez conked out pretty quickly during F1's return to Canada. To add insult to injury, he was made to walk back to the pits along some kind of shrub-strewn gully, like he was foraging for twigs or something. His earliest exit ensures he is the top-scoring driver alongside homeboy Nicholas Latifi, whose career path looks bumpier than Hamilton's shuddering helmet.

          Haas were by far the worst constructor in Canada. It was if they were playing a game of pontoon and they dealt the perfect 21: a picture card – last place – and an Ace – retirement. That last place ensures Magnussen / Haas earns the biggest drop Track Points. 

          Meanwhile, McLaren made a dogs dinner of a double-stacked pitstop, ensuring Norris / McLaren scooped the raceday special Track Points for spending over 43 seconds in the pitlane. This is the last time the raceday special is earned for pit time: for July and August, it pivots to the race-finishing car that finishes the most number of places behind their teammate.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Canada. 

          Wednesday 15 June 2022

          Standings after the Azerbaijan grand prix 2022

          Here the latest standings following the 2022 Azerbaijan grand prix.

          Team Name retain their lead of the Losers League, although they're looking super vulnerable. Although the top three haven't changed, we can feel something tipping in this loserboard. Mancunian Badboy Racing, It's a Trap Lando, Group Team Name, Camber Gamblers and Spoiler Alert have all reached new high points in the table, with It's a Trap Lando rocketing up a massive 12 places. Be worried, teams, be very worried.

          Magnussen is now the second worst driver, and Haas takes a comfortable lead at the top of the constructor rankings.

          Read on for the full Standings.

          Losers team commentary: Azerbaijan grand prix 2022

          A troubled Carlos Sainz saying "I did it for the Losers League"

          BIGGEST LOSERS IN AZERBAIJAN

          • After coming 3rd in Monaco, It's a Trap Lando get 1st place in Azerbaijan with 97 points. Top Track Points and the best Booster.
          • Mancunian Badboy Racing's second double-Boost earns them a second 2nd place in a row, on 96 points. Wow, that was confusing to write.
          • パンダポップ enjoyed their best score of the year. Their 92 points, gained from good Track Points, good Boosting and a Punt win, gets them 3rd place.
          • Their sister team Panda Pops are just behind, clocking up 4th place with 90 points. Same reasons as パンダポップ. Definitely a joint strategy going on.
          • Yet another Boosted team. This time it's Spoiler Alert, who get 78 and 5th place in Azerbaijan.
          • Joining this top scoring, er, group, is Group Team Name. 6th place and 76 points. Fun fact: they're nothing to do with Team Name. We think they're just goading them.
          No teams really gained from Ferrari woes because Ferrari aren't on anyone's Losers team. Dammit.

          This is the commentary page for the Azerbaijan grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

          Carry on reading this commentary.

          Losers team data: Azerbaijan grand prix 2022

          Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Azerbaijan grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

          For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

          Carry on reading the data.

          Track Points for drivers and constructors: Azerbaijan grand prix 2022

          A pit crew wrapping a rear wing in tape, saying "keep wrapping!" and "Yuki's going to love this birthday present"

          When Carlos Sainz's car trundled to a halt in the Azerbaijan grand prix, it could be attributed to Carlos's trademark lack of luck. When his teammate Charles Leclerc's car pulled over, it detonated a huge hole in the F1 championship. More importantly, it easily gave us the biggest losers of the race. Big fail for Ferrari.

          The five retirements included Lance Stroll quietly quitting with "unusual oscillations". And Yuki Tsunoda's broken rear wing needed so much gaffer tape, it gave him the Biggest Drop and Raceday Special points.

          Read on for all the Track Points in Azerbaijan.