Wednesday 7 September 2022

Losers team commentary: Dutch grand prix 2022

Pigeons peck grass just over the racing line, with the alarming message LAP TIMES DELETED


  • 1st  |  Hot Hot Hovercraft  |  122
  • 2nd  |  Mancunian Badboy Racing  |  117
  • 3rd  |  Steady Jordan  |  107
  • 4th  |  Camber Gamblers  |  98
  • 5th  |  Nikita Putin  |  94
  • 6th  |  What Verstappened  |  91
Read on for the commentary page for the Dutch grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.


Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

  • Hot Hot Hovercraft top the Track Points in the Netherlands, with Tsunoda and Alfa Romeo contributing to 46 points.
  • Tsunoda also played his part for Camber Gamblers and Spoiler Alert, who earned 44 Track Points apiece.
  • 42 Track Points go to Strolling the ranks, thanks in part to Haas's disappointing race performance.
  • Steady Jordan continue to benefit from Williams' misfortunes. They got 41 Track Points.
  • To complete this list of top Track Points scorers, we have Cockpit Misfits and Group Team Name, who each snaffled 40 lovely points.
This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Dutch grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.


In the scores for each race, we highlight the Losers teams that scored the least number of Track Points. Remember in Lord of the Rings when Gollum has a conversation with himself? All these teams need to have a word with themselves. Disgusting behaviour. They will be punished with some precious, automatic team actions.

  • パンダポップ scored the third lowest Track Points with a score of 22. They will be forced into a Fast Forecast.
  • Alpine Fresh and It's a Trap Lando brought in a pretty poor 21 Track Points each. They're second from last, so they both get to play a Pitlane Punt.
  • In last place in terms of Track Points is Your Answer. 16 isn't the worst we've seen, but it does mean they'll be made to change their team with an Ejector Seat.
Teams featured in this Podium of Shame will have any resulting points losses waived. We will be in touch with more detail on your automatic team actions.


If you Eject team members and at the next race, you earn more Track Points than the previous pre-Ejected race, you get a 5-point Ejector bribe.
  • Both teams that ejected at Zandvoort got their bribe. 5 points and a special lollipop to Hot Hot Hovercraft and パンダポップ. The latter was automatically ejected, so we're taking the lollipop back.
When oh when will Good Morning Britain have a debate about Ejector Seats? Be one of the cool kids and play an Ejector Seat now.


Here are the teams that played Boost Buttons in the Netherlands.
  • To delineate automatically boosted teams with teams that actively decided to boost, when listing the auto teams we will place an unnecessary and confusing pun in their name. See if you can spot them.
  • Best Boosts: Hop Hop Hovercraft's automatic boost brought in an incredible 51 points. Scoring well too were Camber Gamblers, Spoiler Yoghurt, Steady Jordan, Cockpit Misfits and Group Team Navel.
  • Okay Boosts: Scoring in the 30s were the middling Tardi Minardi, Cruther’s Junior and less well fungible team B, Uganda Pops, What Verstappened, Henry's Motors and Heinz-Tropez. A double boost flattered Mancunian Badboy Racing's second mediocre Track Points result in a row.
  • Bad Boosts: Wasting their boost opportunity are ウガンダ ポップ and BoomerGroomer, with the automatically boosted Alpine French and It's a Tram Lando bringing the least number of points with 21.
Did you spot the puns? Did you? Don't tell us, we don't care. Boost for the next two races now.

    It's 20 points for a perfect Fast Forecast prediction, 5 points if it's close (within two places for the grid and race predictions, or dropping at least one place on the opening lap), and minus-5 for any other guess. We now give a 'bribe' of 5 extra points to any team that makes two perfect or close guesses.
    • Grid Position Forecast: The perfect pick for this was Zhou. No-one got him. Nikita Putin and Vladimir Mazepin got a close result with Vettel. There were eight other minus guesses.
    • Opening Lap Forecast: Only Steady Jordan got the one perfect choice of Bottas. Camber Gamblers were close with Albon. Quite a number of drivers lost a place or two, but no-one picked them. There were three minus guesses.
    • Race Result Forecast: The perfect choice was Gasly. Again, everyone's crystal ball was foggy. Almost every team opted for Stroll, which was a close result. Those rolling with Stroll were Camber Gamblers, Cockpit Misfits, It's a Trap Lando, Strolling the ranks, Tardi Minardi and What Verstappened. Steady Jordan got a close result with Ocon: they clearly didn't get the memo.
    • Camber Gamblers and Steady Jordan both earned a 5-point bribe with their forecasting.

    With Cillit Bang, the fog on your crystal ball is GONE! Polish your balls and submit a Fast Forecast now.

      • Pigeons were a problem in Zandvoort, with people posting pics of pulverised pigeons on Reddit. Lovely. The Wildlife Wager lands for Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened and Work Shop Boys.
      • Vettel messed up his final qualifying lap to ensure success for the Seb Schlep Punt. Points for Hot Hot Hovercraft, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened and Work Shop Boys. With Lance Stroll showing up Seb rather too much, this punt is now withdrawn.
      • The Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt came home once again in last place. Plenty of points for Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened and Your Answer.
      • Mick Schumacher continues to not collect championship points. Alfa Daley, Nikita Putin and Vladimir Mazepin all win the Gloomy Schumi Punt. Hot Hot Hovercraft, Strolling the ranks and What Verstappened will have to wait until Monza for their Gloomy result. Because of far too much loserness, this punt is now withdrawn. 
      • The Flexi Floor Flutter will conclude in Monza. The teams guessing Mercedes are certain to win this punt, which is good news for Nikita MazepinStrolling the ranksTardi MinardiVladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened. Meanwhile, Steady Jordan and Work Shop Boys are gambling on Red Bull which, er, might not be such good news. Let's see what happens next week.
      • Four teams are gambling on the new Schu Shoo Punt. They are Alfa Daley, Double Daley, Nikita Putin and Vladimir Mazepin. Want to join them?
      • And now for the losing punts. The big teams had the nerve not to retire, which was a calamity for the Top of the Crop Stop Punt. Losses for Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • Unlike the last three grands prix, the Nicholas Nudge Punt didn't pay off. That means stake losses for Alfa Daley, Double Daley, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • We have two more new Pitlane Punts for you to place a flutter on. Have a look at the Bernie Earner and the Best Laid El-Plans Punt.
      Go to the park. Walk up to a stranger. Tell them about Pitlane Punts. Tell them loudly and for a long time. Once you're done, play a Pitlane Punt now.


      Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in the Netherlands.

      Here is the complete Losers team data for the Netherlands.

      And here's how it's affected the standings.

      Access your personal team page here.

      WHAT'S NEXT?

      Our next stop in the F1 calendar is Monza, where the Tifosi are likely to painr the town red. Not many races left after that. Have a look at the full 2022 schedule. 

      We recently launched three new Pitlane Punts. You can gamble on Mick Schumacher's future with the Schu Shoo. is already live. Whip up a scandal with the Bernie Earner. Or go awry with the Best Laid El-Plans punt.

      Remember, we're now offering 5-point bribes if two of your Fast Forecasts earn points. Place a Forecast now. 

      18th September is Losers Loan Sunday. We will give every team 13 points credit, to be "spent" on a variety of team actions before the month is out. See more about Losers Loan Sunday.