Thursday, 13 May 2021

Losers Team standings after the Spanish grand prix

We Spained, we saw, we conked out.

Here are the latest standings following the Spanish grand prix. It's still tight at the top, although there's no move in the top three. The biggest change in the loserboard was prompted by HAASN'T A CHANCE's genius DRS adjustment, which rocketed them from 21st place to 4th.

Scroll down for the driver and constructor standings. Tsunoda has moved up into second place for the drivers, while Haas has overtaken Williams as the biggest losing constructor. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Spanish grand prix

Freddie Mercury singing "no time for losers" from We Are The Champions, and someone off camera shouting "WHAT?!"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN SPAIN

Look at you, watching the Spanish grand prix on your big screen telly. Pop corn in one hand, Blue Nun in the other. You've got one eye on the racing action, and one eye on the F1 Losers League app, which is giving blow-by-blow telemetry on the worst elements of the grand prix. The F1 Losers app doesn't exist. It's just some crayon you've scrawled on a piece of toilet paper.

In Spain, one Losers Team absolutely nailed the DRS system to score more points in a single race than any other team so far. While many teams still did pretty well for Losers Points, others will be desperately waiting for the unlocking of the first Ejector Seat, allowing them to dump team choices that are proving to be too successful. Mentioning no names. NORRIS.

Which Losers Teams brought the pain in Spain? Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Spanish grand prix

Yuki Tsunoda showing off his Beige flag and "10 points" snow globe

We asked Valtteri Bottas to write this race report for us. However, at the crucial moment, he disobeyed our orders. See what we did there? That was a reference to Bottas not moving aside for Hamilton at the Spanish grand prix. It's this kind of clever narrative that sets the F1 Losers League apart from other fantasy leagues.

Verstappen described himself as a "sitting duck" as Hamilton reeled him in for a race win. There was plenty of flapping about across the field, with the Spanish race offering more overtaking as usual. However, the usual turkeys reared their ugly heads: Haas finishing 92 laps down; Aston Martin disappointing again; Russell being in the points for about a quarter of a second.

It was no surprise to see constructor Haas top the points in Spain. As for the drivers, it was rookie Yuki Tsunoda who came through as biggest loser, his early promise starting to show more than a few signs of wear and tear. 

Who was a Catalonian car-tastrophe at the Spanish grand prix? Read on.

Monday, 3 May 2021

Losers Team standings after the Portuguese grand prix

There was some great overtaking at the Portuguese grand prix so it seems appropriate that we have a new leader in the F1 Losers League (Have a look at the Portuguese scores here.

We present to you some lovely tables showing (a) the F1 Losers League standings, which we're determined on calling the loserboard even though it's not catching on, (b) the driver standings with a familiar name in first place, and (c) the constructor standings where it's pretty close at the top. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Portuguese grand prix

Romans in battle, with an elephant being mistaken for a Haas, and the elephant riders saying "we're on for fastest lap, lads"
 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN PORTUGAL

What's the most dramatic thing to happen in Portugal? The Roman conquest of Iberia? The overthrow of dictatorship in the Revolution of the Carnations? Vettel pulling into the McLaren pitstop by mistake?

Wrong. It's DRS. One of the key features in modern Formula One is DRS (Drag Reduction System), the booster button that allows cars to overtake. For the F1 Losers League, we have stolen this idea: we created our own DRS (Double Race Scores) function and in Portugal, 22 Losers Teams had theirs activated. Points all over the place!

This means if you did well in Portugal, you did *really* well in Portugal. And if you did badly...

Let's have a peek at the Losers Teams points in Portugal. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Portuguese grand prix

Raikkonen looking at his hat saying "Is this a steering wheel?"

Just imagine. You're at the supermarket reaching for the frozen peas. Suddenly, Nikita Mazepin gets in the way. You're at the bowling alley going in for your first strike of the game. Nikita Mazepin walks in front of you, and you drop the ball on your foot. You're in bed in the throes of passion with your loved-one, who's dressed up as Barney the dinosaur for some reason. Nikita Mazepin pops his head from under the covers. Mazepin! Not again!

Mazepin's ability to block everyone made him the biggest losing driver in Portugal, with Raikkonen's front wing prang placing him in a close second place as he scored the only retirement of the race.

Alfa Romeo had a rotten race, with a Biege Flag helping them to the lion's share of the Losers Points. Our reason for giving them the Biege Flag is entirely petty, but they still would have been the biggest losers even without that extra 10 points. Oh and Raikkonen got confused about something obvious.

Who did poorly in Portugal? Read on.

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

Time for a decision: DRS dreams in Portugal

Two Sebastian Vettels, one thinking "dammit, I wish I had double points" and the other one thinking "what he said"

This weekend's Formula One grand prix, taking place in the gorgeous Algarve on the south coast of Portugal, is a default DRS race for the F1 Losers League. 

What does this mean? Let's explain.

WHAT IS DRS?

DRS means Double Race Scores. If a Losers Teams plays a DRS at a grand prix, all their scores for that race are doubled.

Each team gets nine DRSs to allocate to races throughout the 23-race season. This means nine opportunities for a points bonanza – or a points blow-out.

If a team scores strongly at a race, and they've applied a DRS doubling to that race, they'll shoot up the leaderboard of the F1 Losers League. Bonanza!

However, if they score poorly at a DRS-doubled race, it's a wasted opportunity. Blow me.

What's a "default" DRS, as mentioned above? Let's explain that too.

WHAT IS DEFAULT DRS?

We don't want DRSs to go unused, so every Losers Team starts the season with DRS automatically allocated to every third race, plus a couple of bonus DRS races at the end of the season. We call these "default" DRSs.

This means if you're feeling lazy and don't want to participate much in the Losers League, you'll still get your double scores at nine races in the season.

The nine pre-allocated default DRS races for 2021 are as follows: May 2 Portugal | Jun 6 Azerbaijan | Jul 4 Austria | Aug 29 Belgium | Sep 26 Russia | Oct 24 United States | Nov 21 Australia | Dec 5 Saudi Arabia | Dec 12 Abu Dhabi.

These default DRS races are labelled on our season calendar and you can also see them on your individual team page listed on the Entries page.

WHAT THIS MEANS IN PORTUGAL

As you can see, this weekend's race in Portugal is one such default DRS race. This means we'll be tootling around the Algarve with almost every Losers Team getting double points. Some will benefit massively: for others, this will be a costly mistake.

As is already happening with Portugal, some teams might choose to move their DRS allocations to other races, so different races get double points instead. In fact, Losers Teams can move any DRS to any future race in the 23-race season, and do this as much as they wish.

They can even stack up to three DRS allocations in one single race: this is a higher risk strategy that will see teams getting triple or quadruple points.

If you want to see which races have DRS allocated for your Losers Team, go to your individual team page listed here.

TIME TO DECIDE

So then, Losers Teams, you need to ask yourself a question. Do you stick to the DRS we've automatically given to you for this weekend's grand prix in Portugual? Or do you de-allocate that DRS and move it to a different race later in the season?

If you want to, you can move a DRS allocation using the control panel on the DRS page.

As the famous Portuguese philosopher Cristiano Ronaldo once said, "I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to Double Race Scores, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age."

Wednesday, 21 April 2021

Pitlane Punt: The Giantkiller (active — bet now)

The Giantkiller: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE GIANTKILLER

The punt:

  • Bet on the title contenders Hamilton and Verstappen *not* winning at a particular race.
Fee-fi-fo-fum, we smell the winner of Formula One. Be he a Lewis, or be he a Max, you'll bet on someone else taking chequered flags. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Charles Chance (active — bet now)

The Charles Chance: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE CHARLES CHANCE

The punt:

  • Bet against a Charles Leclerc top six finish at his home grand prix in Monaco on May 23rd.
  • This means, when the leading six cars take the chequered flag at the Monaco grand prix, if none of them are Charles Leclerc, you win the punt
Charles is a Monégasque driver, which means he was born with a silver yacht in his mouth. Let's see if he can be crowned a loser at his home grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Iberian Question (closed)

The Iberian Question: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE IBERIAN QUESTION

This Pitlane Punt is now closed. The punt was:

  • Predict the number of retirements at the Portuguese grand prix (May 2nd) and the Spanish grand prix (May 9th) combined. 
If you were pootling around a race track in Portugal or Spain, you'd park up and head off to the beach instead, right?