Wednesday, 11 May 2022

Standings after the Miami grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Miami grand prix.

Team Name and Your Answer remain at the top of the loserboard. But with all of their Boost Buttons now pressed and out of the way, how quickly will other teams catch up?  The biggest riser is Henry's Motors, while Vladimir Mazepin, Pierre Ghastly and Strolling the ranks all reach new highs in the Standings.

Nicholas Latifi regains the lead of the driver rankings, and look at Magnussen shooting up nine places to 5th. Williams are still the most losing team, and that battle for third-worst constructor behind Aston Martin is looking very tight. These new cars really can race closely behind each other!

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team commentary: Miami grand prix 2022

Valtteri Bottas gesturing aimlessly, saying to his partner "IS THIS THE INVISIBLE FAKE MARINA? AM I CLOSE?"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN MIAMI

  • Your Answer topped the points at the Miami grand prix. 1st place with 152 points looks impressive. However, read on: their Boost Button usage was nothing less than an unmitigated disaster.
  • They boosted! They punted! They ejected! Their forecasted! Nikita Putin well and truly earned themselves 2nd place with 141 points.
  • Vladimir Mazepin nailed the Miami 5-0 Pitlane Punt. 3rd place and 140 points for them, just 1 point behind sister team Nikita Putin. Do we detect some jealousy brewing?
  • A solid performance underpinned by a good Track Points boost was the key to Pierre Ghastly's 128 points and 4th place in Miami.
  • Henry's Motors also did well with the Miami 5-0 Punt and a Boost Button. 5th place and 94 points, thank you very much.
  • And My heart will Grosjean rounds up our Miami top six with 77 lovely points.
This is the commentary page for the Miami grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Losers team data: Miami grand prix 2022

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Miami grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Miami grand prix 2022

Mick Schumacher saying to Kevin Magnussen "I GOT 10 TRACK POINTS. HOW MANY DID YOU GET?" with Magnussen smiling

The Miami grand prix felt like a Formula E track, baby. This isn't an insult, as Formula E is brilliant. But it perhaps lacked good racing, with all of the pizazz reserved for the celebrity-packed pitlane and the bizarrely fake marina. It took a safety car from Gasly and Norris's terrifyingly high-impact collision to bring out the kind of chaos we love here at the F1 Losers League, baby.

Magnussen was so full of promise, but here he is topping the Track Points in Miami with a last-lap retirement after a clash with Lance Stroll. Zhou is just behind him, with his second 15-pointer in two races. For races in May and June, the Raceday Special points element pivots to slowest pit lane time: take a bow, inaugural slow-pitter Mick Schumacher, baby.

McLaren, Aston Martin and Haas all scored their highest Track Points of the season. Lando Norris said he ended his race "in a silly way"^, so we take this to mean McLaren are allowing their drivers to wear clown wigs and squirty flower pins. Not sure how this sits with the jewellery ban, but each to their own, baby.

Oh the "baby" comments? Let's explain. This is in tribute to the post-race interviews by the incredible Willy T Ribbs, who said "Great job, baby" to Carlos Sainz and "Awesome job, baby" to Max Verstappen. In fact, his full comment to Verstappen is worth printing here in full:

"Awesome job, baby. Awesome job. All right, champ. Hey, Muhammad Ali told me that when you’re champ, Christmas Day is every day, so another Christmas... plus you're in good shape son, you’re ready to get into the boxing ring?"

Ho, ho, ho, baby.

Read on for all the Track Points in Miami.

Wednesday, 27 April 2022

Standings after the Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix.

Team Name retain the lead of the League, although with their Boost Buttons spent, everyone else may well catch up. Team Name's sister team Your Answer shoots to 2nd place after also pressing all of their Boosts at once. Will this pay off? It's fascinating to watch. My heart will Grosjean move into a season-best of 4th. And The Blue Flag Boys quietly make their debut in the top ten.

Riccardo is catching Vettel and Latifi in the driver standings, while Aston Martin and Red Bull nestle up behind Williams in the constructors' listings. Red Bull can blame their Beige Flag for that.

As of this fourth race of the season, every single driver and constructor has now earned Track Points. Last year, this didn't happen until the British grand prix, the tenth race of 2021. This is a testament to the topsy-turvy mixed-up nature of this years championship. Running a Losers team must be SO difficult in 2022. *smug smile*

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team commentary: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Toto Wolff ranting inanely to a bored Lewis Hamilton about how his takeaway of king prawns was left on his doorstep in the rain

BIGGEST LOSERS IN IMOLA

  • Your Answer attacked this race like Lorraine Kelly fighting a basketful of puppies. It was brutal. They changed almost every team member with Ejector Seats then launched all five of their season's Boost Buttons. The result? A just-above-average result, multiplied to 174 points and 1st place.
  • Despite Tsunoda scoring zilch for them, My heart will Grosjean claimed 2nd place and 102 points. They scooped the Boost bonus after a top Track Points performance, and played two Boost Buttons to boot. A bonzer follow-up to their excellent Australia result.
  • Also playing two Boosts were The Blue Flag Boys, whose 81 points gives them 3rd place in Imola. Their two Boost Buttons flatters a slightly mediocre Track Points performance hindered by a zero-scoring Stroll and Tsunoda.
  • In 4th place with 66 points is Pierre Ghastly. Good Track Points, good Ejector Seating, good Pitlane Punting, good boy *pats on head*.
  • Mancunian Badboy Racing and Tardi Minardi find themselves with 56 points each and joint 5th place in Imola. Both of them did a fairly average Boost, enough to see them in these top scores.
This is the commentary page for the Emilia Romagna grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Losers team data: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Carlos Sainz balancing on top of his stricken Ferrari, saying "this surfboard is rubbish"

Did we witness a good sprint race? Did that happen? Or was it a figment of our imagination? Was it some kind of fevered dream because we've been scoffing brie wheels in our pyjamas? Why are we keeping cheese in our pyjamas? None of this makes sense.

The sprint race might have been fun, but it was no consolation for our two biggest scoring drivers. Zhou Guanyu sprinted into oblivion and earned the first Sprint Drop points of the season, and Carlos Sainz's race lasted two corners, giving him the second Earliest Exit points in two races. Sainz was pitched off the track by Ricciardo, whose hobbled car gave him a bunch of Track Points too.

As for the constructors, Alfa Romeo topped the points alongside Ferrari, with Alpine in third place after, for the second time this season, we got to witness an Alpine car driving with a huge gaping hole in the side. Yikes. Wonder where the hole leads? Echo. Echo. ECHO.

Read on for all the Track Points in Imola. Let's just call it Imola, because it's quicker to type than Emilia Romagna.

Wednesday, 20 April 2022

The Miami 5-0 Punt (closed)

The Miami 5-0: play this Pitlane Punt

We're as excited as you are about F1 racing in Miami on May 8th. No, really, we are excited. What? No, that's just how our face looks. We're excited INSIDE.

So let's come up with a special one-race punt called the Miami 5-0. It's like Hawaii 5-0, but entirely the wrong part of the United States.

Bet on a driver ending up at least five places behind their team mate at the Miami grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Thursday, 14 April 2022

Standings after the Australia grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Australian grand prix.

Team Name retain the lead of the Losers League because they jabbed all of their Boost Buttons at once. Moving into second place, leading the charge to catch Team Name, are Cockpit Misfits. The biggest risers up the loserboard are Scrapyard 17 and Strolling the ranks.

Latifi rises to second place in the drivers' rankings, behind Vettel. Keep an eye on Schumacher and Tsuonda who rocketed up the table. Red Bull are toppled from the constructor's standings, with Williams now the worst constructor in Formula One. Useful information to know when considering your next Ejector Seat change.

Read on for the full Standings.