PITLANE PUNT: GUENTHER'S PLUCKY SLUGGARDS PUNT
You have to hand it to Haas boss Guenther Steiner. He knew this year's car would be trash, and yet his boys Mazepin and Schumacher drive on regardless despite always finishing last. Guenther's plucky sluggards march on. Slowly.
But how slow?
Bet that the two Haas cars will finish in the last two places in a specified grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.
Every Formula One driver is hungry for success. But AlphaTauri rookie Yuki Tsunoda is hungry for something less metaphorical. He loves food. He loves it and he can't stop talking about it^.
But will he keep talking about it?
Bet that Yuki Tsunoda will talk about food any time in the next month. Read on to play this Punt.
Here are the latest standings following the British grand prix.
HAASN'T A CHANCE really do have a chance, jumping up to second place on the loserboard and cutting into Team Name's lead. Further down the list, Gunther's Gonna Get Ya jump from 9th to 6th place, and Murraylivesforeverinourhearts retake their position at the very bottom of the rankings.
There are lots of changes in the driver rankings. Gasly, Alonso and Ricciardo move up three places, with Vettel moving up four. The all-too-successful Bottas, Leclerc and Giovinazzi tumble down the order. As for the constructors, it's a two-place rise for AlphaTauri, a two-place fall for Aston Martin, and a too-right reinstatement into negative point territory for Mercedes.
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRITAIN
The cheering crowds were lovely to hear at the British grand prix. What an atmosphere. They were no doubt cheering for the F1 Losers League, because there were 11 Pitlane Punt wagers active at Silverstone, making this the most punted race of the season.
The crowd is an idiot because every Punt failed. Ocon finished well, which was a failure for the Ocon Odds-on. Hamilton won, which negated the Giantkiller. Bottas kept his job, so that messed up the Merc Merk. A herd of geese didn't invade the Haas garage, so that put paid to the Wildlife Wager fail for this particular race.
And worst of all, the one-off Best Of British Pitlane Punt came to nothing because a British driver didn't retire. By and large, Losers Teams have gained hundreds of points using Pitlane Punts, but this was a stinker.
It's official. The jury is out on whether the sprint qualifying session worked. That's what the commentators kept saying. "The jury is out." Who is this jury? And do they have tickets to the race? We don't trust this mysterious jury.
What is certain is that Perez and Red Bull suddenly decided to be losers. The F1 Losers League is proud. They scored highly at the British grand prix, although one familiar constructor name took their usual position at the top of the terrible rankings at Silverstone.
British fans got the British winner they wanted. This is lovely: the Losers League CEO has watched Coulthard win at the British grand prix twice. However, this was a bad omen for the special Best Of British Pitlane Punts. Jump to the Losers Team points to see how that went.
Meanwhile, let's have a look at the drivers and constructors. Who got into the spirit of Britain? Who poured a lovely cup of tea, popped a corgi into a bowler hat, and did really bad at sport? Read on.
PITLANE PUNT: ROMEO OH ROMEO
In the words of Shakespeare, "A pair of star-crossed drivers claim the racing line, whose misadventured piteous overtakes doth with their crashes earn you a tonne of Losers points."
The Alfa Romeo drivers Raikkonen and Giovinazzi do sometimes like to crash into things – just ask Vettel in Austria. Not sure if it's a comedy or tragedy, but it's certainly an opportunity for a gamble.
Bet on an Alfa Romeo car hitting any another car – or even just a barrier – during a specified grand prix weekend. Read on to play this Punt.
PITLANE PUNT: THE MERC MERK
"Merk." Street slang. Definition? To kill someone, taken from the word 'mercenary'. Since popularised in a more metaphorical sense by grime star Stormzy.
When will Mercedes merk Valtteri Bottas? When will they do away with their troubled number two driver? Not literally, obviously.
Bet that the Mercedes F1 team will drop Valtteri Bottas any time in the next three months. Read on to play this Punt.
Have a read of the points given in the Austrian grand prix and how some Losers Teams benefitted enormously. And now let's see how it has affected the season standings.
We have a new leader of the F1 Losers League. Team Name threw everything at the wall, and one big Punt / DRS combo paid off. Not bad for a team that started season in 20th place. LockedDownLosers continue their march up the loserboard, moving from 8th to 4th. The biggest drop was by Cruthers Car Co., who fell from 10th to 15th.
Mazepin is now just shy of 100 points as the biggest losing driver. Bottas rises from 5th to 3rd. Meanwhile, in the constructors rankings, Haas increase their lead to 17 points while AlphaTauri faltered in Austria and find themselves jumping from 6th to 4th.
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN AUSTRIA
Although none of the weather predictions came true at the Austrian grand prix, there was certainly a perfect storm in the F1 Losers League. This is going to take some explaining.
In the last week of June, we launched a new Pitlane Punt. The Ocon Odds-On offered a bet that Esteban Ocon wouldn't finish in the top ten in a specified race. Four Losers Teams took the bait, gambling that Ocon would fail at the Austrian grand prix. And fail he did, breaking his car's suspension on just the third corner of the race.
At 3:1 odds, it would have been a substantial enough pay-out, but with Double Race Scores (DRS) applied, the F1 Losers League ended up giving out more points than Oprah Winfrey gives out cars. We try to balance potential Punt earnings as a percentage of average race scores, to give teams a healthy but controllable boost. But this mix of Punt winning and DRS doubling was a massive boost for some. It was like getting a rocket, fitting it with rockets, then firing it into the heart of the sun which turns out to be a rocket.
Let's have a look the Losers Teams' performance in Austria. You may need to sit down. Read on to find out more.
Austria was a bad-tempered grand prix, with FIA penalties raining down like the rain that was promised for the race but never happened. Charles Leclerc got so angry after his altercation with Sergio Perez, it turned his car red.
Not counting points from Beige Flags, Esteban Ocon was the biggest loser in Austria. His quick exit from the race had a massive effect on the points earned by Losers Teams in what was easily the most dramatic Losers' result of the season.
But let's start with the drivers and constructors. Who regrets returning to the Red Bull Ring? Read on.