Wednesday, 24 November 2021

Standings after the Qatar grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Qatar grand prix. (Full Qatar round-up here.)

No change at the top. It'll be interesting to see how the Boost Button rush in the final two races will threaten our relatively Boost-deprived front-runners. VroomDoom nick 4th place from Pierre Ghastly, while Lou-sers race up to their equal season best of 15th place.

Bottas's tyre deflated in Qatar, but his Losers points swelled. He moves up to 6th place in the driver rankings, while AlphaTauri and Aston Martin swap positions once again in the constructors listing.

Read on for the full Standings following the Qatar grand prix.

Losers team scores: Qatari grand prix

Antonio Giovinazzi calling the job centre

BIGGEST LOSERS IN QATAR

  • Panda Pops popped to top spot in Qatar thanks to two Boost Buttons (woah!), which tripled their points to 114. Their Pitlane Punt loss and Fast Forecast win cancelled each other out.
  • Giovinazzi getting sacked worked out well for the Boosted Lou-sers, scoring 84 points and 2nd place.
  • 3rd place goes to NEEEOOOOWWWW with 53 points, with Mazepin, oddly, being their least scoring team member.
  • Haas Beens enjoyed their best result for five races, with 52 points and ensuring 4th place in Qatar.
  • With no help from Boost Buttons, Cruthers Car Co. scored a brilliant 51 points and 3rd place. Thank goodness for those punctures, huh.
  • Tardi Minardi complete our list of high scorers, with 47 points and 6th place

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Qatar.

Race points: Qatari grand prix

Fred and Barney in a Flintstones car, with Fred saying "WE AIN’T NEVER GONNA GET A PUNCTURE IN THIS, NICHOL-- ER, I MEAN, BARNEY!"

Pop. Bang. Whoosh. That's the sound of tyres bursting at the Qatar grand prix, with one of those tyres ensuring Bottas's position as the biggest losing driver of the race. It's also the sound of Giovinazzi's F1 career: his sacking by Alfa Romeo means he joins Bottas as the top loser in Qatar.

Williams beat Haas to the position of top losing constructor at this race, with both Russell and Latifi having their own tyre tantrums. Honestly, you can't trust tyres. This is why the Flintstones cut the bottoms out of their cars so they could scamper along with their feet. Hopefully, this will be introduced in the new car spec for 2022.

Read on for all the points in Qatar.

Wednesday, 17 November 2021

Standings after the Brazil grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Brazil grand prix. (Full Brazil round-up here.)

Pierre Ghastly follow a great Mexican grand prix by rising another place up the standings. Further down the loserboard, Tardi Minardi and Clean Trolls jump up another couple of places. But it's Nikita Mazepimp, who didn't choose to but still won a Pitlane Punt, that are the stars of the show, jumping up five places.

In the drivers list, both Ferrari drivers are on the way down. Stroll moves ahead of Leclerc and Norris moves ahead of Sainz. While in the constructors championship, Aston Martin and AlphaTauri have swapped places again. Jeez, get a room, you two.

Read on for the full Standings following the Brazil grand prix.

Losers team scores: Brazilian grand prix

Verstappen touching Hamilton's rear wing asking "What does this wing bit do?" with an onlooker commenting "he's so touchy"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRAZIL

  • Nikita Mazepimp ran away with the points at the Sao Paulo grand prix after being forced to play a Pitlane Punt due to Break Assist (see below). 150 points and 1st place to them.
  • It was a strong showing for several Boosted teams, with Pierre Ghastly claiming 2nd place with 83 points, Tardi Minardi nailing 3rd with 68 points and Lou-sers getting 4th place and 54 points.
  • So it was all the more impressive that Clean Trolls find themselves in the top six in Brazil without a Boost Button advantage. Mazepin, Tsunoda, Stroll and Alfa Romeo all scored double-points for Trolls. 53 points and 5th place for them.
  • LockedDownLosers redeem themselves after their Mexico malaise, claiming 6th place with 52 points.

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Brazil.

Race points: Brazilian grand prix

Toto Wolff pointing aggressively and saying "come near me with that beige flag and i’ll stick it up your @#&£!!"

Don't mess with Mercedes' Toto Wolff. Cross him and he will point at you and then he will say a swear word. Does his Red Bull rival Christian Horner know that Toto's middle name is Christian. No, really. Look it up on Wikipedia. Oops, sorry, Toto. We'll stop talking about you. Stop pointing. STOP POINTING.

Lance Stroll's underwhelming retirement ensured that he and Aston Martin were the biggest losers at Brazil's São Paulo grand prix. It was such an unnoticeable retirement. We can't even remember the reason for his DNF. Disappointment, probably. More of note is the fact that Ricciardo and McLaren each had by far their biggest score of the season.

Plenty of Backwards Bonus points in Brazil, and of course we couldn't wait to foist a Beige Flag on Verstappen and on Mercedes for their South American shenanigans. Red Bull doesn't just give you wings: it feels them up too. 

Read on for all the points in Brazil.

Wednesday, 10 November 2021

Standings after the Mexican grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Mexico grand prix. (Full Mexico round-up here.)

Pierre Ghastly jump two places up the loserboard and are now knocking on VroomDoom's door for 4th place. Lots of teams switched position, but perhaps the most relevant move was poor It’s a trap Lando! who end up in a season-worst 24th place in the standings.

Incidentally, we upgraded our spreadsheets a few weeks ago, and we let a gremlin in. We've denied Pierre Ghastly a load of points from having Giovinazzi on their team. We also forgot to take a stake payment off them back in Belgium. All in all, they were 15 points short across the season, so we've retrospectively topped them up.

In the driver rankings, Russell has nudged ahead of Gasly, while in the constructors' contest, Aston Martin and AlphaTauri continue to duke it out for 3rd place.

Read on for the full Standings following the Mexico grand prix.


Losers Team scores: Mexican grand prix

F1 telly screenshot of Verstappen's Red Bull, with the caption "Oh for ****** sake!"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN MEXICO

This was a great race at which to run a Boost Button: it dislodged the US grand prix as the third highest scoring race of the year. Here are the biggest losers in Mexico City.
  • Pierre Ghastly spotted our sweary new Motormouth Pitlane Punt and made good f***ing use of it. Their massive Punt win plus a Boost Button gave them 186 points and 1st place in Mexico, 99 points ahead of their nearest rival.
  • Bottas's woes helped Tardi Minardi to 2nd place with 87 points. A well-placed Boost Button, there.
  • Team Name benefitted from high scores from Tsunoda and Haas alongside a Boost, scoring 3rd place and 75 points in Mexico.
  • HAASN'T A CHANCE have become very good at Fast Forecasts. Even without a Boost Button, they find themselves in 4th with 55 points.
  • And then we have a gaggle of Losers teams in 5th place with 53 points, namely Cruthers Car Co., Steady Jordan and The Pit Lockers. Well done YOU.

Carry on reading for the full Losers team carnage in Mexico.

Race points: Mexican grand prix

Ricciardo pulling a face, taunting with "come at me, Valtteri!"

At the start of the Mexico grand prix, all eyes were on Bottas. However, his pole position advantage barely lasted one corner of the race, beaten off the line by his rivals and then spun round to claim a comprehensive 5-point Backwards Bonus. After his spun, all of Bottas's eyes were on the back end of Ricciardo as the Aussie blocked the frazzled Fin for much of the race.

Mazepin topped a lowly last place with a nightclub altercation to ensure he was the biggest losing driver in Mexico City. He was closely followed by Tsunoda and Schumacher, whose own first corner drama gave them joint Earliest Exit points.

AlphaTauri beat Haas to the title of worst constructor in Mexico, which is remarkable considering their driver Gasly earned zero Losers points. Getting an engine / power unit change penalty didn't help. Read on for all the points in Mexico.

Wednesday, 3 November 2021

Pitlane Punt: The Broken Woking (closed)

The Broken Woking: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE BROKEN WOKING

Woking's favourite export McLaren have been a revelation this year, with Norris challenging the front-runners and Ricciardo snatching a win in Monza. Third place in the constructors championship looks likely for 'team papaya'.

But what if the papaya gets trampled on by a prancing horse at the last minute? The hooves are getting louder...

Bet that Ferrari will finish this year's constructor's championship at least ten points ahead of McLaren. Read on to play this Punt.