Thursday, 14 October 2021

Standings after the Turkish grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Turkish grand prix.

LockedDownLosers nudge up to third place in the standings, and are only 30 off second place. Haas Beens also rise a place, while The Tour de France is Better overtakes Steady Jordan. WereDrivingInReverse suffered the biggest fall, down two places.

Vettel and Giovinazzi each rise two places in the driver rankings, while Bottas tumbles five places after his triumph in Turkey. Pah. Interestingly, Perez and Norris have not scored any race points since August. As for the constructors, Haas extend their massive lead, while the battle for third between Alfa Romeo and Aston Martin is nail-shreddingly close

Read on for the full Standings following the Turkish grand prix.


Losers Team scores: Turkish grand prix

A spun-round Alonso in his Alpine facing oncoming cars, saying "¿Estás crazy? You’re all going the wrong way!"

Let's get straight into it.

BIGGEST LOSERS IN TURKEY

  • LockedDownLosers threw everything at this race, winning a Punt, losing a Punt, and getting correct and nearly-correct Fast Forecasts (see team actions below), They also pressed a Boost Button. Their average score of 31 was doubled, then inflated to 152 total points once their Punt and Forecast winnings were added on.
  • In contrast, Panda Pops did naff all. They just scored well, bringing in 54 Losers points for second place in Turkey, no doubt helped by Vettel's shockingly bad race result and Beige Flag-earning tyre change calamity. Minimal effort, big result, super cool.
  • In third place is Not good on the BENds with 38 points, relying largely on Mazepin turning a stonking qualifying performance into a spin (not his fault) and last place.
  • NEEEOOOOWWWW and Nikita Mazepimp take joint fourth with 37 points, helped by Mazepin and Haas respectively.
  • And in sixth is Lou-sers, who also have Haas on their team. 35 points to them.

Carry on reading for all the lovely Losers team scores for the Turkish grand prix.

Race points: Turkish grand prix

Hamilton saying to Bottas, "apparently every time you win, you lose 25 points – I never realised"

Welcome to the Japanese grand prix, which ended up in Turkey, hence the Red Bull cars displaying Japanese script that wasn't in Turkish, and Japanese racing driver Yuki Tsunoda being interviewed about being in Turkey instead of Japan. Confused?

The Turkish grand prix saw victory for Valtteri Bottas, but more importantly the most victorious loser was Nikita Mazepin who converted a 20th place in qualifying into an heroic 20th in the race. Vettel had a moment of madness when he switched to slick tyres on a damp track, sending him skating into the Losers points. And Alonso hit so many cars, he went from 6th to 16th.

That Bottas win carries a minus-25 Race Win Bonus, the sixth driver to receive such a points penalty so far this season. A costly result for some Losers teams. Will ever they learn? No they will not. You just watch: at the Texas grand prix later this month, someone will win the race again. Pfffrt.

As for the constructors, Haas had another hapless race, with only Ferrari and Mercedes scoring zero points or lower. Read on for all the race points given in Turkey.

Monday, 4 October 2021

Pitlane Punt: The Mazespin (active – bet now)

The Mazespin: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: THE MAZESPIN

Something fundamental has changed in the tectonic plates of Formula One. The end of Mercedes' dominance? The retirement of Kimi? No. Nikita Mazepin has stopped sending his car into a spin.

Surely this is not the end of the Maze-spin?

Bet on Nikita Mazepin spinning his car on a specified grand prix weekend. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: Carlos Car Loss (active – bet now)

 Carlos Car Loss: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: CARLOS CAR LOSS

Ferrari have been resurgent this year, putting behind them the woes of their past.

However, there's a chink in their red armour.

Bet on Carlos Sainz will break his car on a specified grand prix weekend. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: Better Than Vettel (active – bet now)

Better than Vettel: play this Pitlane Punt

PITLANE PUNT: BETTER THAN VETTEL

Daddy's boy Lance Stroll continues to land better race results than multiple world champion Sebastian Vettel, with Vettel's biggest podium moment of 2021 ending in disqualification.

Can this continue?

Bet on Sebastian Vettel finishing a selected race at least five places behind his teammate Lance Stroll. Read on to play this Punt.

Wednesday, 29 September 2021

Standings after the Russian grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Russian grand prix. (Race points hereLosers Team scores here.)

Mancunian Badboy Racing had a cracking Russian race and move up four places on the loserboard, albeit only to 20th. Fernando Analonso and Nikita Mazepimp edged up two places apiece, and the biggest fallers were Tardi Minardi and Not good on the BENds.

Schumacher re-took 2nd place in the drivers' standings, while McLaren and Mercedes swap back positions further down the table. Mercedes are back into negative scores.

Read on for the full Standings following the Russian grand prix.


Losers Team scores: Russian grand prix

A graphic from television with Schumacher saying "beep, beep, beep, beep"

Yes, this is a graphic of Mick Schumacher saying "beep beep" while driving a car. Nothing to do with the upcoming commentary. We just wanted to include it.

Russia was the final default-DRS race of the season. Unless your team moved your DRS to an earlier race (looking at you HAASN'T A CHANCE and Panda Pops), all of your points were doubled in Russia.

One team was forced into playing a Pitlane Punt at the last race because of our super irritating tool called Break Assist. Guess what. It paid off handsomely. They won a tonne of points, doubled because of DRS, and sailed into the Sochi sunset, bottle of celebratory Russian vodka in hand.

Not actual vodka. We don't give out prizes at the F1 Losers League. We give out disappointment and bathos. But not prizes.

Carry on reading to see how Losers teams scored at the Russian grand prix.


Race points: Russian grand prix

Lando Norris under an umbrella saying "lovely weather, innit"

In a sense it was back to normal in Russia. Hamilton winning it for Mercedes, incurring our minus-25 point Race Win Penalty, and Haas and Williams topping the Losers points. Except, of course, it wasn't a normal race. It wasn't a normal race at all.

Lando Norris, the least losing driver not to have won a race, had a victory dashed by the most inept weather forecast management since Michael Fish told us to wear flip flops and shades. And every constructor in the universe, it seemed, overused their annual engine allocation, incurring heavy grid penalties.

We have, of course, recognised this with our trusty Beige Flags.

Don't have a Moscow, man. Read on for all the race points given to cars at the Russian grand prix.


Thursday, 16 September 2021

Standings after the Italian (Monza) grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the Italian grand prix. (Race points here. Losers Team points here.)

In the space of just two races, Team Name find their lead halved. There are rises up the loserboard for NEEEOOOOWWWW (up six places), Panda Pops (up three), LockedDownLosers (up two) and Not good on the BENds (up two).

Tsunoda now finds himself as the second worst driver of the season, moving ahead of Schumacher. Gasly shoots up three places, while Ricciardo, who had the audacity to win in Italy, drops from 13th to 17th. Alfa Romeo and Aston Martin swap places in the constructor standings, as do McLaren and Mercedes, the latter moving into positive point position for the first time in two months.

Read on for the full Standings following the Monza motorcar fun.