Monday, 29 March 2021

Losers League standings after the Bahrain grand prix

How did your team do in the first race of the season? (Have a look here.) Are you licking a celebratory ice cream, or just licking your wounds? Did you pop the champagne, or pop all your hopes and dreams?

Here are some lovely tables with (a) the F1 Losers League standings, which we're calling the loserboard, (b) the driver standings so you can see who's rubbish, and (c) the constructor standings. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Bahrain grand prix

Bahrain GP Mercedes aghast at their minus 25 points

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN BAHRAIN

The F1 season is back, and already our Losers Teams are feeling the full force of failure. As one entrant put it on Twitter, "I'm appalled at myself for being so pleased to see Mazepin out on his first lap!"

If you want to see all the points awarded to drivers and constructors, see Bahrain's Race Points here. How has this panned out for the Losers Teams? Let's look at who failed brilliantly – and who didn't fail enough. Read on.

Driver & constructor points: Bahrain grand prix

Bahrain GP Mazapin with a fire marshall who says HI I’M JEFF AND I’M HERE TO AWARD YOU YOUR LOSERS TROPHY

Haas rookie Nikita Mazepin described his opening lap crash at the Bahrain grand prix as one of the worst days of his life.

He is wrong, because Mazepin topped the Drivers Losers Points in Bahrain. In the eyes of the F1 Losers League, that makes it one of the best days ever, like remembering you had a Twix you hadn't eaten, or finding candy floss in a hedge.

His team mate Mick Schumacher pootled into last place which added to Haas's Loser Points, but they weren't the worst constructor. That accolade goes to Alpine whose food-based mishap propelled them to extraordinary levels of loserdom. 

Let's dig a little more. Read on.

Friday, 26 March 2021

Let's get ready to trundle: the F1 Losers League is go this weekend

Carlos Sainz saying "I'm totally picking you for my losers team" and Charles Leclerc replying "shut up - I'm picking YOU"

The 2021 F1 Losers League is on the starting grid and will shortly be trundling its way through 23 races of underdog action.

Entries for the League close at 3pm GMT on 27 March 2021, at the start of the first qualifying session for the Bahrain grand prix. At that point, team choices are locked, and Losers Teams are bound by the rules of the Losers League.

"But Fat Roland, CEO of the F1 Losers League, we don't want to obey your rules: you suck," I hear you protest. Don't make me come over there. I have a wheel gun, a hose clamp and eighteen gallons of Swarfega, and I'm not afraid to use them.

After the Bahrain race has run its course, the League will get its calculator out and work out the results based on our scoring system. We'll usually update the site on the Wednesday following a grand prix, or earlier if we're feeling frisky. That update will comprise:

  • points earned by drivers and constructors in Bahrain, including our possibly unpredictable Beige Flag awards;

  • the Losers Team points earned in Bahrain;

  • the all-important first loserboard of the season: it's like a leaderboard, but for losers.

What happens after that? Teams might want to shuffle their DRS-allocated races. There's the Italian grand prix on April 18th. And on April 21st, we'll publish the season's first Pitlane Punts in which you can irresponsibly gamble the meagre points you've already earned.

A huge thank you, by the way, for those who have entered so far, and for those that have helped promote the league. We'll probably end up with about 20 teams, which I'll be really pleased with. This is not a big massive fantasy league: it's a home-grown affair created by someone who doesn't even drive, and if he did drive, it would be like Belgium 1998.

Don't forget that deadline. 3pm GMT sharp. Don't make me use the hose clamp.

Yours,

Fat Roland
CEO: F1 Losers League

Monday, 22 March 2021

Double trouble: DRS season is open

DRS stands for Double Race Scores, and the League is happy to announce this function is now available for you to use.

DRS doubles a team's Losers Points at a race. Each Losers Team gets nine DRS to play with throughout the season. These are pre-set to trigger at nine races by default (which you can see in the season calendar). Those default races are:

May 2: Portuguese grand prix
June 6: Azerbaijan grand prix
July 4: Austrian grand prix
August 29: Belgian grand prix
September 26: Russian grand prix
October 24: United States grand prix
November 21: Australian grand prix
December 5: Saudi Arabian grand prix
December 12: Abu Dhabi grand prix 

Wow! Look at all those extra points pouring down on you like hail, bird poop or acid rain. Soak yourself in all those extra points.

However, you don't have to stick to these defaults. You can move a default DRS to any other race in the season. You can do this at any point in the season, as often as you want. 

You can even stack up to three DRS in a single race, which means you could earn up to quadruple Losers Points in just one race.

You only get nine DRS to use, and once one has been used, it cannot be used again. And if you're wanting to apply it to a forthcoming race, get your change in before qualifying starts.

Move your DRS by using the form below, or go to the Repair Shop page. Check the calendar, and learn more about DRS here.

Sunday, 21 March 2021

Time to enter the 2021 F1 Losers League

Lewis Hamilton saying "Me and Valtteri are going to win" while pointing at Elton John

The 2021 F1 Losers League is open for entries – and the deadline is approaching fast.

The entry deadline is 27 March, the start of qualifying at the Bahrain grand prix. This is a Losers League, so you'll want to pick the worst possible team: think retirements, red flags, tardiness and trouble-makers. 

"Oh heck, I'd better get on with it," we hear you say. Too right. Here's what you need to do.

  1. Have a look at the F1 Losers League points system to help you work out how the League will score things.

  2. Browse this year's driver and constructor line-up and decide who's going to be rubbish and earn you the most Losers Points.

  3. Enter your team. You'll need to pick three drivers and one constructor. And remember: a constructor will earn points at a faster rate than a driver.

  4. Have a cup of tea or a doughnut.
And that's it. You're on the starting blocks ready for kick-off, seconds out round one, and other assorted mixed sporting metaphors. Jump straight to the entry form here.

Thursday, 1 October 2020

The F1 Losers League launches for the 2021 season

Sparks flying off an F1 car. Driver saying "sorry, I dropped my cigarette"

Welcome to the F1 Losers League, an upside-down fantasy league celebrating the blunders and backmarkers of Formula One. 

The League will launch for the 2021 season, and entry is free. Curious? Register your interest on the Entries page.

Why a losers league?

The podium-pleasers can keep their champagne. It's time to celebrate the stragglers and the strugglers of Formula One. We're inspired by the back of the grid and F1's most entertaining fails, such as:

  • Nigel Mansell waving at fans and stalling his engine in the final lap of the 1991 Canadian grand prix. Oh, Nigel.

  • BAR's eye-watering split livery in 1999, with an actual zip design running up its middle.

  • The Flavio Briatore 'Crashgate' race-fixing scandal – don't be silly, you can't have gates in F1

  • Tyrrell secretly spilling lead shot into their cars before weigh-ins, like a rubbish Great Escape.

  • That bit when a car pulls out of a pitstop and its tyre comes off. We always like it when that happens.

  • James Hunt punching a marshal. Kimi Raikkonen saying he went for a sh*t. Minardi's Adrian Campos's disqualification for forgetting his earplugs. We could go on.

And to be honest, being silly about Formula One helps with those genuinely painful moments, such as Michelin's tyre travesty at the six-car 2005 US grand prix. *shudders*

We also ask the big questions. Why did Damon Hill only race on the flat? Why was Nicki Lauda's car the same volume as all the others? Why was Scott Speed a less successful driver than Lance Stroll?

Sorry.

Read the How It Works page and our guide to the unique but simple Scoring system to understand our wonky approach to this wonderful sport. 

The F1 Losers League will guide you through the season as you try and earn more Losers Points with DRS (Double Race Scores) and Pitlane Punts, and make big changes to your Losers Team with Ejector Seats and the dreaded Lucky Spanner.

You have until the start of qualifying at the first race of 2021 to enter your Losers Team in the hope of becoming F1 Losers Champion.

Entries are now open for the 2021 F1 Losers League.