Wednesday, 27 April 2022

Standings after the Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix.

Team Name retain the lead of the League, although with their Boost Buttons spent, everyone else may well catch up. Team Name's sister team Your Answer shoots to 2nd place after also pressing all of their Boosts at once. Will this pay off? It's fascinating to watch. My heart will Grosjean move into a season-best of 4th. And The Blue Flag Boys quietly make their debut in the top ten.

Riccardo is catching Vettel and Latifi in the driver standings, while Aston Martin and Red Bull nestle up behind Williams in the constructors' listings. Red Bull can blame their Beige Flag for that.

As of this fourth race of the season, every single driver and constructor has now earned Track Points. Last year, this didn't happen until the British grand prix, the tenth race of 2021. This is a testament to the topsy-turvy mixed-up nature of this years championship. Running a Losers team must be SO difficult in 2022. *smug smile*

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team commentary: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Toto Wolff ranting inanely to a bored Lewis Hamilton about how his takeaway of king prawns was left on his doorstep in the rain

BIGGEST LOSERS IN IMOLA

  • Your Answer attacked this race like Lorraine Kelly fighting a basketful of puppies. It was brutal. They changed almost every team member with Ejector Seats then launched all five of their season's Boost Buttons. The result? A just-above-average result, multiplied to 174 points and 1st place.
  • Despite Tsunoda scoring zilch for them, My heart will Grosjean claimed 2nd place and 102 points. They scooped the Boost bonus after a top Track Points performance, and played two Boost Buttons to boot. A bonzer follow-up to their excellent Australia result.
  • Also playing two Boosts were The Blue Flag Boys, whose 81 points gives them 3rd place in Imola. Their two Boost Buttons flatters a slightly mediocre Track Points performance hindered by a zero-scoring Stroll and Tsunoda.
  • In 4th place with 66 points is Pierre Ghastly. Good Track Points, good Ejector Seating, good Pitlane Punting, good boy *pats on head*.
  • Mancunian Badboy Racing and Tardi Minardi find themselves with 56 points each and joint 5th place in Imola. Both of them did a fairly average Boost, enough to see them in these top scores.
This is the commentary page for the Emilia Romagna grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Losers team data: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Emilia Romagna (Imola) grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Emilia Romagna grand prix 2022

Carlos Sainz balancing on top of his stricken Ferrari, saying "this surfboard is rubbish"

Did we witness a good sprint race? Did that happen? Or was it a figment of our imagination? Was it some kind of fevered dream because we've been scoffing brie wheels in our pyjamas? Why are we keeping cheese in our pyjamas? None of this makes sense.

The sprint race might have been fun, but it was no consolation for our two biggest scoring drivers. Zhou Guanyu sprinted into oblivion and earned the first Sprint Drop points of the season, and Carlos Sainz's race lasted two corners, giving him the second Earliest Exit points in two races. Sainz was pitched off the track by Ricciardo, whose hobbled car gave him a bunch of Track Points too.

As for the constructors, Alfa Romeo topped the points alongside Ferrari, with Alpine in third place after, for the second time this season, we got to witness an Alpine car driving with a huge gaping hole in the side. Yikes. Wonder where the hole leads? Echo. Echo. ECHO.

Read on for all the Track Points in Imola. Let's just call it Imola, because it's quicker to type than Emilia Romagna.

Wednesday, 20 April 2022

The Miami 5-0 Punt (closed)

The Miami 5-0: play this Pitlane Punt

We're as excited as you are about F1 racing in Miami on May 8th. No, really, we are excited. What? No, that's just how our face looks. We're excited INSIDE.

So let's come up with a special one-race punt called the Miami 5-0. It's like Hawaii 5-0, but entirely the wrong part of the United States.

Bet on a driver ending up at least five places behind their team mate at the Miami grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

Thursday, 14 April 2022

Standings after the Australia grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Australian grand prix.

Team Name retain the lead of the Losers League because they jabbed all of their Boost Buttons at once. Moving into second place, leading the charge to catch Team Name, are Cockpit Misfits. The biggest risers up the loserboard are Scrapyard 17 and Strolling the ranks.

Latifi rises to second place in the drivers' rankings, behind Vettel. Keep an eye on Schumacher and Tsuonda who rocketed up the table. Red Bull are toppled from the constructor's standings, with Williams now the worst constructor in Formula One. Useful information to know when considering your next Ejector Seat change.

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team commentary: Australian grand prix 2022

A relaxed Nicholas Latifi lounging in the back of a car at the Australian grand prix, with a face-masked driver asking "Any particular barrier you want driving to, sir?"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN AUSTRALIA

  • A perfect storm of brilliance saw Scrapyard 17 top the points in Australia. A great Track Points performance, added to with a Boost Button and a host of Pitlane Punt successes. 113 points to them.
  • In 2nd place, Vladimir Mazepin also did a nice job with Punts, their score of 105 enabled by an inspired Ejector Seat change that saw them top of the Track Points table.
  • Cockpit Misfits were the best of the Boosters in Oz, bringing in 3rd place and 87 points.
  • In 4th place with 86 points are Team Name, largely because of their generous Boosting.
  • VroomerDoomer claimed 5th place in Albert Park. Their perfect Pitlane Punt work, including being only one of two teams to opt for the Seb Schlep punt, helped them earn 73 points.
  • And 6th place goes to My heart will Grosjean. Their 64 points was a solid performance. Nothing more, nothing less. Properly solid.
This is the commentary page for the Australian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Losers team data: Australia grand prix 2022

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Australia grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Australia grand prix 2022

Vettel riding on a scooter, apparently the wrong way, saying "CHOO CHOO!"

Here comes Sebastian Vettel! Look at him finally starting his 2022 season! Oh wait. His engine's not working. And now he's crashed. Is he sitting out qualifying? No it's fine, he's on track– Oh. That Aston Martin is not good. And now he's retired the car. Oh heck, this is terrible. It can't get any worse. Wait. What?! Seb! Get off the scooter. GET OFF THE SCOOTER, SEB!

It was lovely to be back in Australia, even if home boy Daniel Ricciardo forgot his obligations to the F1 Losers League and had a decent enough race. What a cobber. A rotten weekend for Sebastian Vettel was almost matched by a struggling Sainz and a newly mediocre Kevin Magnussen. We could have given beige flags to several constructors, but we opted for just one in the end.

What was most remarkable about this race is how many Pitlane Punts came to fruition. You can read more about this on the Losers' teams commentary page.

Read on for all the Track Points in Australia.

Thursday, 7 April 2022

The Seb Schlep Punt

Play the Seb Schlep Pitlane Punt

Sebastian Vettel is back! Inspector Seb is behind the wheel and everything is going to go brilliantly. Right?

Or maybe, just maybe, the former world champ is going to struggle in 2022.

Bet that Sebastian Vettel won't make it out of the first session of qualifying at the forthcoming grand prix. Read on to play this Punt.

The Nicholas Nudge Punt

Play the Nicholas Nudge Pitlane Punt

We'll never forget that image of Nicholas Latifi's car in the Abu Dhabi barriers, hailing a seismic showdown to the 2021 F1 season.

But just how good is Nicholas Latifi at crashing into things? Let's find out.

Bet that Nicholas Latifi will make contact with a barrier or car at the next race weekend. Read on to play this Punt.