Wednesday, 30 March 2022

Standings after the Saudi Arabia grand prix 2022

Here the latest standings following the 2022 Bahrain grand prix.

Team Name are the new leaders. with a massive score flattered by the fact they blew all of their Boost Buttons at once. Expect a similar spike at the next race, then a slow erosion of their lead as everyone else Boosts back up towards them. The biggest climber was Work Shop Boys. Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B tumble an impressive 21 places to last place.

Nicholas Latifi is the new worst driver, while the non-racing Schumacher and Tsunoda storm up that loserboard. Williams are now easily the worst constructor, with only Ferrari and Mercedes yet to score any points whatsoever. Use this information to inform your next Ejector Seat change.

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team commentary: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2022

Clearing-up trucks pretending to be Williams and Haas

BIGGEST LOSERS IN SAUDI ARABIA

  • Team Name built a reputation for bold moves in last year's Losers League. They've done it again, pressing all of their season's Boost Buttons at once. It contributed to a humongous race score of 371, but was it worth it? Read on.
  • A healthy Track Points score doubled with a Boost Button gave Steady Jordan 2nd place in Saudi with 141 points.
  • Cruther’s Car Co. doubled their way to 102 and 3rd place.
  • In 4th were Cockpit Misfits, whose score of 101 was achieved with a Boost Button, and a clever Fast Forecast prediction for rookie Zhou Guanyu. 
  • Pierre Ghastly were another Booster, their 98 points bringing them 5th place.
  • And What Verstappened led the Ejector Seat charge, with the best Track Points result of any team in Saudi Arabia.

This is the commentary page for the Saudi Arabia grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Losers team data: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2022

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the Saudi Arabian grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2022

People arguing about the colour of the explosion outside the Saudi circuit

This race was a high scorer: almost as high as the track walls the F1 drivers can't see around. Cars earned 242 Track Points in total, compared to a meagre 176 in Bahrain.

Yuki Tsunoda barely got to drive his terrible AlphaTauri. Mick Schumacher reduced his car to tindersticks. Nicholas Latifi tried to replicate Abu Dhabi 2021 by having a conversation with a wall. And all along, we tried to ignore the fact the Saudi Arabia grand prix takes place in a war zone. The coverage of the practice session featured a literal missile attack. We presume all those "no war" t-shirts are now in being used as rags in the team garages. Jeez.

Mick Schumacher was indeed the highest scorer, his terrifying crash reminding us how nasty this high-speed circuit can be. We love failure at the Losers League, but we really want our drivers to be safe. Thankfully, he was fine. Meanwhile, Williams are proving to be the Losers League's new favourite team, scoring a double retirement.

And spare a thought for Zhou Guanyu, who is now the first Chinese driver in history to score an F1 Losers League Track Point. We'll be in contact with Xi Jinping about organising a national holiday. We're thinking a parade: bunting, floats, coconut shy, that sort of thing. Lots of dragons dressed as F1 drivers. Uncle Geoff slumped in the corner, drunk on saké. It's going to be lovely.

Er... Where were we? Oh yes. Read on for all the Track Points in Saudi Arabia.

Thursday, 24 March 2022

The Wildlife Wager

The Wildlife Wager

Everyone loves a fluffy thing, and we don't mean Lewis Hamilton's questionable taste in jumpers. 

Will the most technologically advanced spot be disrupted by be upstaged by a stray kitten or a randy wallaby?

Bet on an animal making an unexpected appearance at any of the next six grand prix weekends. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt [closed]

Pitlane Punt: The Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt

[This punt is now closed to new entries]

It has become painfully clear that the Williams cars are seriously struggling for pace.

But will they continue to produce terrible results?

Bet that either Williams car will finish in the bottom two at the next race. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: The Top of the Crop Stop Punt

Pitlane Punt: The Top of the Crop Stop Punt

We were all shocked when Red Bull suffered a disastrous double retirement at the opening grand prix of the season.

Which raises a question about the reliability of the top F1 teams...

Bet that any of the big three teams will retire a car at the next race. Read on to play this Punt.

Tuesday, 22 March 2022

Standings after the Bahrain grand prix 2022

Here are the latest standings following the 2022 Bahrain grand prix.

パンダポップ take an early lead of the 2022 F1 Losers League. They should feel proud of that, and nothing should take away that joy of being biggest loser. Having said that, The Pit Lockers (back this year as Alpine Fresh) topped the points in race one last year and ended the season in a lowly 17th place. In summary, what's the point of doing anything: hopes and dreams are there to be stamped on.

Red Bull snatch an unexpected lead in the constructors' standings, while Vettel and Gasly are battling it out for top losing driver. Half of the drivers and almost half of the constructors haven't scored a single Track Point yet, which, quite frankly, fills us with disgust. Do these people not know how to lose?!

Read on for the full Standings.


Losers team commentary: Bahrain grand prix 2022

Verstappen and Leclerc racing side-by-side, Verstappen saying "YOU CARRY ON, MATE. I’VE GOT TRACK POINTS TO EARN"

BIGGEST LOSERS IN BAHRAIN

  • Bahrain's top loser is パンダポップ. Yes, that's their name. Netting 90 points overall, they earned double-figure Track Points each from Vettel, Verstappen and AlphaTauri, while they made a couple of very well-predicted Fast Forecasts.
  • In a distant 2nd place is Your Answer, the new team created by last year's League runners-up Team Name. They scored 59, mostly from healthy Track Points and some Fast Forecasting.
  • Steady Jordan took a big risk playing a Boost Button so early on, but it worked out smashing for them. 3rd place and 55 points in Bahrain.
  • Nikita Putin, set up by last year's podium sitters LockedDownLosers, threw a bunch of Fast Forecasts at the wall, but their strength was in a decent number of Track Points. 4th place and 54 points
  • With 50 points, placing 5th at the Bahrain grand prix, is Nikita Putin's sister team Vladimir Mazepin. Oligarchs ahoy!
  • And rounding up this top six is Cockpit Misfits, a total newcomer to the F1 Losers League who scored 45 points. Welcome!

This is the commentary page for the Bahrain grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.


Losers team data: Bahrain grand prix 2022

This is the complete Losers team data page for the Bahrain grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes. 

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.

Carry on reading the data.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Bahrain grand prix 2022

Vettel holding up a comically large lat flow strip, saying "DAMMIT

What comes to mind when you think of the opening race of the 2022 F1 season? The Red Bulls shuddering to a stop? Pierre Ghastly jumping out of his fireball car? The sleek new cars under the shining lights?

If any of that came to mind, your brain's an idiot. Sebastian Vettel is who you should be thinking about. The man's POORLY, for goodness sake. He picks up 10 beige flag Track Points for being ill (see our full points roundup below). Even worse, F1's super-sub Nico Hulkenberg took Seb's place in Bahrain and the Hulk ended up dead last. That's a whole bunch of extra Track Points he earned for Vettel. So, even though he wasn't even there, sickly Sebastian Vettel tops the Track Points at the Bahrain grand prix. Gasly and Riccardo are close behind thanks to, respectively, their spectacular blow-up and unspectacular slow-down.

Top of the Track Points for constructors are Red Bull, who ended the race in a flurry of technical fails. Something about fuel pumps. We never expected the Bulls to be leading the constructors standings so early on. Four other constructors scored double Track Points in this race – astonishingly for those who followed the Losers League in 2021, one of those was *not* Haas. We truly are in a new era.

Read on for all the Track Points in Bahrain.

Friday, 4 March 2022

Enter the 2022 F1 Losers League: deadline is lights-out in Bahrain on 20 March

F1 Losers League - enter now

Entries are open for the 2022 F1 Losers League.

This is a low-tech fantasy league in which you run the worst possible Formula One team. You get points for backmarkers and blunders and retirement and regret.

All you need to do is pick:

then give your Losers Team a name – and you're good to go! The entry form is here.

At every F1 race, your terrible choices will earn your team Track Points. Watch out for cars that retire or finish way down the order: these will earn the most points. Go to this page to see exactly how Track Points will be awarded.

It's easy to get your picks wrong early in the season, especially with all the new rule changes. Fear not! You can make changes to your team choices using Ejector Seats. In fact, we strongly fine-tuning your team throughout the season using Ejector Seats..

You can attempt to add to your Track Points by:

Sometimes these don't pay off. Often, they do.

It's your choice as to whether you run a high risk team strategy, throwing everything at the wall, or play it cautiously with low-stake Punts. Last year HAASN'T A CHANCE won the League with their choices Latifi, Raikkonen, Tsunoda and Haas. They were one of our most active teams, but they were fairly cautious on strategy until a bold last-minute Pitlane Punt edged them to victory. It was glorious to watch!

Entry to the F1 Losers League is free, and the deadline is lights-out at the opening Bahrain grand prix on March 20th. We have limited entries, so get your team entered now – you can change it as much as you want before the season starts without losing any Ejector Seats. Enter now!

Let's go racing... slowly.


Last year's top ten Losers Teams: 1st HAASN'T A CHANCE, 2nd Team Name, 3rd LockedDownLosers, 4th Pierre Ghastly, 5th VroomDoom, 6th Panda Pops, 7th NEEEOOOOWWWW, 8th Gunther's Gonna Get Ya, 9th Tardi Minardi, 10th Haas Beens.

Last year's worst drivers: 1st Nikita Mazepin, 2nd Mick Schumacher, 3rd Yuki Tsunoda, 4th Nicholas Latifi , =5th George Russell (!), =5th Kimi Raikkonen.

Last year's worst constructors: 1st Haas, 2nd Williams, 3rd Alfa Romeo.