Wednesday 30 March 2022

Losers team commentary: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2022

Clearing-up trucks pretending to be Williams and Haas


  • Team Name built a reputation for bold moves in last year's Losers League. They've done it again, pressing all of their season's Boost Buttons at once. It contributed to a humongous race score of 371, but was it worth it? Read on.
  • A healthy Track Points score doubled with a Boost Button gave Steady Jordan 2nd place in Saudi with 141 points.
  • Cruther’s Car Co. doubled their way to 102 and 3rd place.
  • In 4th were Cockpit Misfits, whose score of 101 was achieved with a Boost Button, and a clever Fast Forecast prediction for rookie Zhou Guanyu. 
  • Pierre Ghastly were another Booster, their 98 points bringing them 5th place.
  • And What Verstappened led the Ejector Seat charge, with the best Track Points result of any team in Saudi Arabia.

This is the commentary page for the Saudi Arabia grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.


Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

  • After dumping Ocon with an Ejector Seat, What Verstappened scored 88 Track Points, loads more than the previous race. Two of their choices, Schumacher and Tsunoda, failed to even get to the start line.
  • The Schumacher / Tsunoda double whammy also worked well for My heart will Grosjean, who net 76 Track Points. And hey, it's really working out well having Williams on the team.
  • Steady Jordan scooped 73 Track Points in Saudi Arabia. Williams and Tsunoda were their best point scorers, and set them up for a massive Boost Button gain.
  • Despite Zhou only scoring them a single point, VroomerDoomer notched up 69 Track Points. Cor, there were a lot of Track Points at this race.
  • Just behind them are Alfa Daley, who used an Ejector Seat to bring AlphaTauri into their team, scoring 68 Track Points
  • And finally for these top scores, three Losers team brought home 64 Track Points: Panda Pops, who needed this after scoring so badly in Bahrain, Team Name and The Blue Flag Boys.

This is the commentary page for the Saudi Arabia grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.


At every race, we will shine a spotlight on the three teams that scored the *fewest* Track Points. If your team appears in this listing, you are required to wear a cone of shame until the next race. Partly to humiliate you, but also partly so you don't try and lick your own genitals. Now back in your basket. BAD dog. Oh and we're going to make you carry out some League actions against your will... read on.
  • Last week, 26 Track Points would have been absolutely fine, but at this high-scoring race it sees Strolling the ranks third from last. They will be made to play a Fast Forecast at the next race.
  • Hot Hot Hovercraft limped home with only 25 Track Points, with Gasly scoring zero points for them. Absolute cack. They will be strong-armed into playing a Pitlane Punt.
  • Appearing for the second time in the Podium of Shame is Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B. They find themselves in last place having, remarkably, scored exactly zero Track Points in Saudi Arabia. We didn't think this was possible. They will be made to launch an Ejector Seat, replacing one of their literally pointless team members.
Teams featured in this Podium of Shame – we will be in touch about your automatic team actions.


A third of the Losers teams took the buckin' bronco by the horns after the Bahrain grand prix, and used their Ejector Seats to replace their team choices for even worse team choices. Good work, you lot. Here's a summary, kept brief because we've all got homes to go to:
  • Alfa Daley brought in AlphaTauri. 
  • Double Daley embraced Latifi. 
  • Group Team Name welcomed McLaren. 
  • Nikita Putin took on Schumacher. 
  • パンダポップ brought in McLaren AND Schumacher. 
  • Scrapyard 17 got Gasly. 
  • Strolling the ranks made big changes, ditching their namesake Stroll for Norris, and bringing in Aston Martin. 
  • Team Name went the opposite way and introduced Stroll to their team, as did What Verstappened
  • Vladimir Mazepin employed Vettel. 
  • Work Shop Boys worked themselves over with an almost complete team change, taking on Schumacher, Ricciardo and Aston Martin. 
The result of all that furious Ejecting? Every single team that Ejected improved its points position race-on-race, so they all get a 5-point Ejector bribe. If you've not Ejected yet, have a go.


Here's the big news. Team Name lost their minds and used ALL of their season's Boost Buttons all at once. That means six-times Track Points and a stonking lead of the F1 Losers League. The question is this: did they boost well, or have they blown all their Boosts on a weak race, allowing everyone else to catch them as the season progresses?
  • Team Name boosted well. Very well. They converted 64 Track Points into a deluge of 320 Track Points.
  • The only Boosted team that scored more Track Points was Steady Jordan, whose extra 78 points includes a Boost bribe. 
Team Name have gained a significant strategic advantage and it's now up to everyone else to catch up. Their Boost continues into the Australian grand prix where they could, of course, undo all of their hard work.

Other teams Boosted but their Track Points scores were pretty average. They were:
  • Cruther's Car Co. and Pierre Ghastly, whose first Boost Button is now expired. They gain an extra 51 and 49 points respectively, which sounds good but is pretty mid-table a high-scoring race.
  • And Cockpit Misfits and Work Shop Boys, who carry their Boost into a second race in Australia. Their gains were 43 and 50 respectively. See above comments about being fairly ho-hum.
If your team goes half-a-dozen races without any Boost Button activity, we'll automatically press one of your Buttons. Like the above teams, you can take control of this: Boost for the next race now.

    Remember, it's 20 points for an exactly correct Forecast, 5 points if it's almost correct, and minus-5 if it's wrong.
    • Scrapyard 17 won 25 points with a correct Opening Lap Forecast for Zhou and, deep gasp, an almost-correct Race Forecast for Hamilton.
    • パンダポップ also correctly predicted an Opening Lap Forecast for Zhou, along with an almost-correct Race Result Forecast for Stroll. 25 points for them.
    • Your Answer also got 25 points. They also benefited from a correct Opening Lap Forecast for Zhou, and topped that off with an almost-correct Race Result Forecast for Magnussen.
    • Next up is Cockpit Misfits, whose correct Opening Lap Forecast for Zhou (yes, another one) was tempered by an incorrect Grid Forecast for Schumacher (oops). 15 points.
    • Vladimir Mazepin made three predictions. Their Race Result Forecast for Zhou was correct. Their Race Result forecast for Bottas and their Opening Lap Forecast for Stroll weren't. 10 points.
    • It's a Trap Lando and Panda Pops each gained a modest 5 points for their predictions for Ricciardo and Sainz respectively.
    • Forecasts made by Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B cancelled each other out. A net 0 points.
    • The following teams all lost points. Minus-10 for Steady Jordan and Team Name, and minus-15 for Nikita Putin and Work Shop Boys.

      • The Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt so nearly paid out when Alex Albon was chugging towards the finish line third from last. But then he bonked into Stroll three laps from the end. This meant stake losses for Panda Pops, Team Name, What Verstappened, Work Shop Boys and Your Team, with It's a Trap Lando's automatic Punt not paying off, but also not costing them any points.
      • A popular gamble was the The Top of the Crop Stop Punt, which failed to land when none of the 'big six' retired. This meant lost stakes for Camber Gamblers, Japanese Panda Pops, Nikita Putin, Panda Pops, Scrapyard 17, Strolling the ranks, Team Name, Vladimir Mazepin and Your Answer.
      • Oh dear. The following teams are currently playing the Wildlife Wager, but we won't know the results for this for a while: Group Team Name, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened
      Not a great start for Pitlane Punts. However, when they do pay off, they do so generously. All of these Punts remain playable for future races, with the odds on the Williams punt increasing to 3:1. We'll announce more Pitlane Punts soon.


      Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in Saudi Arabia.

      Here is the complete Losers team data for Saudi Arabia.

      And here's how it's affected the Standings.

      Access your personal team page here.

      WHAT'S NEXT?

      The next race is in Australia on 10 April. This is home grand prix for Daniel Ricciardo, who's currently fourth in the F1 Losers driver standings between Schumacher and Tsunoda. Before that, we'll release some new Pitlane Punts - have a look at the three already available to play. There's a form of tennis called Australian doubles, which pits two players versus a single player in the style of the quiz show Blockbusters. This seems unfair. We like it. Why not create your own doubles in Australia by pressing one of your Boost Buttons now.