Thursday 14 April 2022

Losers team commentary: Australian grand prix 2022

A relaxed Nicholas Latifi lounging in the back of a car at the Australian grand prix, with a face-masked driver asking "Any particular barrier you want driving to, sir?"


  • A perfect storm of brilliance saw Scrapyard 17 top the points in Australia. A great Track Points performance, added to with a Boost Button and a host of Pitlane Punt successes. 113 points to them.
  • In 2nd place, Vladimir Mazepin also did a nice job with Punts, their score of 105 enabled by an inspired Ejector Seat change that saw them top of the Track Points table.
  • Cockpit Misfits were the best of the Boosters in Oz, bringing in 3rd place and 87 points.
  • In 4th place with 86 points are Team Name, largely because of their generous Boosting.
  • VroomerDoomer claimed 5th place in Albert Park. Their perfect Pitlane Punt work, including being only one of two teams to opt for the Seb Schlep punt, helped them earn 73 points.
  • And 6th place goes to My heart will Grosjean. Their 64 points was a solid performance. Nothing more, nothing less. Properly solid.
This is the commentary page for the Australian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.


Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

This felt like a low-scoring race for Track Points, but it equalled the Track Points in Bahrain. We were a little bit spoiled in Saudi Arabia's stonker of a Track Points fest.

  • Vettel and Magnussen assisted Vladimir Mazepin in scoring the most Track Points in Australia. An excellent score of 46.
  • A brilliant Vettel and Haas double whammy saw Bahrain's number one loser パンダポップ clock up 43 Track Points. It's interesting to see Haas's fortunes beginning to vary.
  • Despite a couple of very low scorers on their team, Cockpit Misfits managed 32 Track Points, as did Strolling the ranks who benefitted from Magnussen's average performance.
  • Scrapyard 17 were another Vettel beneficiary, bringing in 31 Track Points.
  • And it was Haas who handed Mancunian Badboy Racing their place in this top list, with 29 Track Points scored.

This is the commentary page for the Australian grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.


At every race, we spotlight the Losers teams that scored the least Track Points. You cannot skimp on your Track Points and get away with it. We won't allow it. No way. Here are the Teams worthy of our ire - and terrible consequences - in Australia.
  • Tardi Minardi and Team Name each scored a feeble 14 Track Points in this race. Nipple clamps for them! What? We're not doing nipple clamps anymore? Shame. A couple of automatic Fast Forecasts will have to do: they will be playing these at the next race.
  • Double Daley were not fail-y enough, scoring a tiny 12 Track Points. They will be forced to gamble on a Pitlane Punt of the League's choosing at the next race.
  • Bottom of the stack was Double Daley's sister team Alfa Daley. Jeez, this must run in the family. Their lowly 10 Track Points means they will be forced into a team change by using one of their Ejector Seats.
Teams featured in this Podium of Shame – we will be in touch about your automatic team actions.


Three Losers teams got themselves 5-point Ejector bribes in Australia. This is because their Ejector Seats improved their Track Points position. They were as follows:
  • Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B were ejected against their will, but gained from having Ricciardo join their team. 
  • Hot Hot Hovercraft had Schumacher join their line-up.
  • Strolling the ranks made two changes, employing Magnussen and Gasly.
Nice work. A number of other teams also Ejected. Although they didn't get the Ejector bribe, it's always worth using those Seats to get more Track Points. The other ejectors were as follows:
  • Camber Gamblers and Vladimir Mazepin each took Magnussen.
  • パンダポップ made big changes, bringing Zhou onto their team and opting for Haas as their constructor.
  • Nikita Putin had Zhou join their team too.
Over half of the Losers teams are yet to launch an Ejector Seat. It's a really easy way of improving your loserdom in the League. Use an Ejector Seat now.


The great big hairy dangling question after the Saudi Arabian grand prix was this: Would Team Name carry out an audacious points grab with their five Boost Buttons, as they did in Jeddah? Or would they undo all of their good work? Let's find out! I mean, there are spoilers above, but let's pretend you've not read that. 
  • The three Boosted teams that made the most of the Australian grand prix were Cockpit Misfits, with an extra 37 points including a 5-point Boost bribe, Scrapyard 17 with an 31 additional points and Mancunian Badboy Racing with an extra 29 boosted points. These boosters ruled the roost.
  • Putting in a distinctly average Track Points performance were My heart will Grosjean, whose two Boost Buttons gave them an extra 40 points, Hot Hot Hovercraft and Work Shop Boys, each with an added 20 points, and the Blue Flag Boys who double-boosted their mediocre score, bringing them an additional 38 points.
  • Bringing in the rear like a 2020 Haas were Tardi Minardi, gaining just an extra 14 points, and... uh-oh... Team Name who scored a lowly 14 Track Points and therefore a disappointing quintuple Boost of 70 extra points. Easy come, easy go.
To add insult to injury, we reckon we gave Team Name too many extra Boost Button points in Saudi Arabia. We miscalculated, giving them six-times-64 extra points instead of five-times-64 extra points. To save redoing a tonne of work, we'll probably adjust things at the next race. Team Name, we'll be in touch!

If your team goes half-a-dozen races without any Boost Button activity, we'll automatically press one of your Buttons. Get ahead of the game: Boost for the next race now.

    A reminder: it's 20 points for an exactly correct Forecast, 5 points if it's almost correct, and minus-5 if it's wrong.
    • Magnussen was the correct choice for the Grid Position Forecast. No-one guessed Mags. Nikita Putin and Vladimir Mazepin were almost correct with Zhou. Strolling the ranks were made to play a Forecast for Vettel, and were almost correct. Panda PopsScrapyard 17 and Work Shop Boys got their guesses wrong.
    • Sainz was the right pick for the Opening Lap Forecast, dropping five places before dropping out entirely. Only one team came close, with パンダポップ being nearly spot-on with Norris. No such luck for a whole bunch of mistaken Mystic Megs, namely My heart will Grosjean, Scrapyard 17, Steady JordanWork Shop Boys and Your Answer.
    • The perfect choice for the Race Result Forecast? Zhou Guanyu. Scrapyard 17 and Steady Jordan were exactly right, so well done to them. Team Name were almost correct with poor old Pierre Gasly. Coming up short with incorrect guesses were パンダポップ, Work Shop Boys (again) and Your Answer.

      • Sebastian Vettel had a torrid time in qualifying, barely setting a lap time and landing the brand new Seb Schlep punt brilliantly. Points for VroomerDoomer and Work Shop Boys.
      • When Lance Stroll turned into Nicholas Latifi's path during qualifying, he clearly had the Nicholas Nudge punt in mind. Latifi's car was destroyed and the following team won their punts: My heart will Grosjean, Nikita Putin, Pierre Ghastly, Scrapyard 17, Vladimir Mazepin and  VroomerDoomer. The only team to lose their stake is Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B, who placed their bet too late for the Stroll strike.
      • Amazingly, the Top of the Crop Stop punt also landed when Carlos Sainz dumped his car in the gravel. Well done to top croppers Camber Gamblers, Panda Pops, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, VroomerDoomer again, and with an automatically played punt Hot Hot Hovercraft.
      • Alex Albon pulled off an amazing trick in Oz, almost completing the entire race on one set of tyres. This, of course, disgusted the Losers League. Show off. Thankfully, Nicholas Latifi wandered over the line second from last. Success for the Williams You Are Really Nothing punt, and points for the following teams: Cockpit Misfits, Nikita Putin, Panda Pops, Pierre Ghastly, Scrapyard 17, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • Max Verstappen called the safety car a turtle, Mick Schumacher went to the zoo and Lewis Hamilton called his car a 'spiteful viper'. None of this was good enough to land the Wildlife Wager, which just means more waiting for the six Losers teams with this punt in play.
      Nearly 350 points were earned from Pitlane Punts by our plucky Losers teams in Australia. When they pay off, they really pay off. We'll have more punts on the way. See the full list of playable Pitlane Punts.


      Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in Australia.

      Here is the complete Losers team data for Australia.

      And here's how it's affected the Standings.

      Access your personal team page here.

      WHAT'S NEXT?

      On April 24, we pop to Italy for Ferrari's home race, the Emilia Romagna grand prix. Known as Imola to its friends. This race weekend will feature a sprint race, which means the Sprint Drop points element kicks in. This means an extra 5 Track Points given to the car that drops down the order the most during the sprint session. Worth playing a Boost Button for this? This will also be the last race in which the Raceday Special gives 5 Track Points to the car last on the grid. From May, it pivots to the car with the slowest pit time of the race. Learn more about Track Points. While we gear up for Imola, watch out for a couple more Pitlane Punts appearing. More? Yes indeed. We really are spoiling you.