Wednesday 14 September 2022

Losers team commentary: Monza grand prix 2022

An Aston Martin engineer spraying smoke at someone, saying "Here, have some points, loser"


  • 1st  |  Tardi Minardi  |  111
  • 2nd  |  Strolling the ranks  |  103
  • 3rd  |  パンダポップ  |  100
  • 3rd  |  What Verstappened  |  100
  • 5th  |  Group Team Name  |  97
  • 6th  |  Steady Jordan  |  96
Read on for the commentary page for the Monza grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.


Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

  • Aston Martin's double retirement ensured Track Points success for Mancunian Badboy Racing, with a score of 54.
  • Some way further down is Group Team Name with 46 Track Points, again with an Aston advantage.
  • Sainz-Tropez did brilliantly on 45 Track Points, despite Zhou scoring them nothing.
  • Pierre Ghastly and Steady Jordan each earned 44 Track Points, with Steady the highest Track Pointing team not to have Aston Martin on their line-up.
  • And finally for this top six Track Points line-up is What Verstappened on 41.
This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Monza grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.


In the scores for each race, we highlight the Losers teams that scored the least number of Track Points. Look at them kicking over sandcastles on the beach and blowing raspberries at puppies. Terrible behaviour. Let's shame them with automatic team actions.

  • The team that scored the third lowest number of Track Points was VroomerDoomer. Their 22 Track Points get them an automatic Fast Forecast for the next race in the season.
  • Loads of teams scored 22 Track Points, the second lowest. So let's make them all play Pitlane Punts! They are My heart will Grosjean, Tardi Minardi, The Blue Flag Boys and League leader Vladimir Mazepin.
  • For the third race in a row, Your Answer feature in the Podium of Shame. Their tally of 20 means another automatic Ejector Seat.
Teams featured in this Podium of Shame will have any resulting points losses waived. We will be in touch with more detail on your automatic team actions.


If you Eject team members and at the next race, you earn more Track Points than the previous pre-Ejected race, you get a 5-point Ejector bribe.
  • Alfa Daley, Work Shop Boys and the automatically ejected Your Answer earned 5-point bribes. We shall tattoo their names on our face.
  • Double Daley, Nikita Putin, Scrapyard 17 and Vladimir Mazepin all miss out on a bribe. Their names shall be scrubbed from history.
If you take one team action, go for an Ejector Seat. Identify your lowest scoring team member and dump 'em. Launch an Ejector Seat now.


Here are the teams that played Boost Buttons in Monza. As ever, we've split them into three streams so you can see who scored an advantage from boosting. Some placed boosts themselves and some were automatically booosted.
  • Best Boosts: The supercar boosters in Monza were Group Team Name (+51), Sainz-Tropez (+45), Steady Jordan (+44) and パンダポップ (+40). Steady Jordan were the most successful non-automatically doubled team.
  • Okay Boosts: The road car boosters in Monza were Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B, Cockpit Misfits, Hot Hot Hovercraft, Alpine Fresh, Panda Pops, Camber Gamblers, It's a Trap Lando and Spoiler Alert. All of these teams scored between 35 and 28 extra points.
  • Bad Boosts: The rusty wheelbarrow boosters in Monza were Strolling the ranks (+27), VroomerDoomer (+22) and Tardi Minardi (+21). The wheels fell off.
We were going to come up with a clever car metaphor for this line. But then we realised we know absolutely nothing about cars. What are cars? How do they work? Nobody knows. Push a Boost Button now.

    It's 20 points for a perfect Fast Forecast prediction, 5 points if it's close (within two places for the grid and race predictions, or dropping at least one place on the opening lap), and minus-5 for any other guess. We now give a 'bribe' of 5 extra points to any team that makes two perfect or close guesses.
    • Grid Position Forecast: Magnussen was the perfect man. Coming in close were Sainz, Schumacher, Bottas and Ocon. Any team that played a Grid guess got it wrong..
    • Opening Lap Forecast: Norris, Latifi and Bottas all had rotten first laps, losing 12 places between them. They all were perfect picks, with close results being Alonso and Perez. The automatically Forecasted パンダポップ get 20 points for spotting Bottas, while everyone else got it wrong.
    • Race Result Forecast: Ocon was the perfect option, with close cars being Bottas, Schumacher, Zhou, and De Vries scoring points for Albon. Tardi Minardi hit the bullseye. Cockpit Misfits, Steady Jordan and What Verstappened came close. Five other teams were wrong.
    • No-one got a 5-point bribe.
    • We messed up our Grid Position Forecast in the Netherlands, so this race's results include the following retrospective adjustments: Nikita Putin -10 points, Scrapyard 17 +10 points, Strolling the ranks +15 points, Tardi Minardi +30 points, Vladimir Mazepin -10 points and What Verstappened +15 points.

    The best way to correctly predict a Fast Forecast is to adopt an octopus called Paul and wire it up to a lie detector test. Once you have done this (there should be plenty at the local zoo), submit a Fast Forecast for the next race.

      The four teams vying for the 2022 F1 Losers championship all scored exactly 49 points with Punts in Monza, namely Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • The Best Laid El-Plans Punt landed when Alonso parked up his Alpine on lap 31. Ricciardo retired his McLaren 14 laps later and Norris brought home his McLaren in 7th place. Points for Nikita Mazepin, Scrapyard 17, Steady JordanStrolling the ranksTardi MinardiVladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • Mercedes' average race result went from 2.83rd down to 6.33rd. This means a Flexi Floor Flutter win for Nikita MazepinStrolling the ranksTardi MinardiVladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • It's not such good news for those that placed their bet on Red Bull for the Flexi. Horner's heroes improved their average result from 5.5th to 2.7th. Oh no. Losses for Steady Jordan and Work Shop Boys.
      • While stand-in Nyck de Vries sailed off into the distance, Nicholas Latifi reliably brought in his Williams second-to-last. It's Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt success for Henry's MotorsHot Hot HovercraftNikita PutinStrolling the ranksVladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened.
      • A few teams cashed in on the Gloomy Schumi Punt in Monza, with another pointless performance by poor Mick. Those teams are Hot Hot HovercraftStrolling the ranks and What Verstappened. This punt is now withdrawn because the odds don't stack up anymore.
      • And now for the unsuccessful punts. Nicholas Latifi was slow but kept his head down, so the Nicholas Nudge Punt fails. Losses for loads of teams: Camber Gamblers, Nikita Putin, Scrapyard 17, Steady JordanStrolling the ranksVladimir Putin and What Verstappened.
      • The Top of the Crop Stop Punt didn't work either. The following teams are plop of the Tops: Nikita PutinStrolling the ranksTardi MinardiVladimir MazepinWhat Verstappened, Work Shop Boys. Also It's a Trap Lando had an automatic gamble on this one, so lose nothing.
      • Three teams are playing the Bernie Earner, namely Cockpit Misfits, Strolling the ranks and What Verstappened. Meanwhile Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened have re-played the Wildlife Wager.
      • And the teams playing the Schu Shoo Punt are hoping for some kind of Schumacher news in the next few weeks. They are Alfa Daley, Alpine Fresh (automatic), Double Daley, Nikita Putin and Vladimir Mazepin 5pts 4:1.
      We've launched a new punt called the Suzuka Bazooka. Give it a gamble, or play any other Pitlane Punt now.


      Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in Monza.

      Here is the complete Losers team data for Monza.

      And here's how it's affected the standings.

      Access your personal team page here.

      WHAT'S NEXT?

      We've got a lovely break for a few weeks. You can spend more time on your hobbies. Embroidery, pottery, shoplifting. The next grand prix is in Singapore on 2nd October. See this year's 2022 F1 schedule. 

      A credit of 13 points will appear on every team page on Sunday 18th September, a day we're calling Losers Loan Sunday. You can use these points on a number of things: not losing points on Forecasts or Punts, gaining a few extra Track Points, or buying an Ejector Seat. If you don't use your 13 points, they will vanish at the end of the month. Read all about Losers Loan Sunday.

      We've had a tonne of automatic Boost Buttons in the last couple of races. Things will calm down for the next few grands prix. And then, at the start of November, we will automatically press every unused Boost Button. This will lead to double-points mayhem in the last two races of the season. If you want to get ahead of the game and double your Track Points earlier than that, press a Boost Button now.

      You can earn quite a few points from Fast Forecasts if you play your cards right. Place a Forecast for Singapore. 

      We have a brand new Pitlane Punt. Yuki Tsunoda must be delighted to be racing in his home country of Japan next month. But you can spoil his fun with The Suzuka Bazooka. We have other new Pitlane Punts too - see them all on the Pitlane Punts page.