Wednesday 26 October 2022

Losers team commentary: US (Austin) grand prix 2022

brad pitt and lewis hamilton pointing at a digital camera


    1st  |  Vladimir Mazepin  |  114
    2nd  |  What Verstappened  |  102
    3rd  |  Steady Jordan  |  77
    4th  |  Nikita Putin  |  73
    5th  |  Strolling the ranks  |  63
    6th  |  The Blue Flag Boys  |  54

    The top six has changed in the light of Alonso's cancelled post-race penalty. Camber Gamblers and Double Daley drop out of the top six, replaced by The Blue Flag Boys.

    This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the US grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

    THE US

    Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

    (Most points on this page have been extensively revised due to Alonso's post-race penalty being rescinded by the FIA.)

    🔢 Williams and Stroll helped VroomerDoomer get the most Track Points in COTA, with a score of 37

    🔢 Panda Pops rise up to second, with 32, due to points gained from Alonso's penalty redaction.

    🔢 What Verstappened enjoy a similar Alonso-related promotion up this list with 31 Track Points.

    🔢 Again, due to Alonso shuffling the points, It's a Trap Lando tally of 30 finds them amid the top Track Pointers.

    🔢 And look, it's Team Name finagling their way into this list with 29 Track Points.

    🔢 And finally, Bottas help Work Shop Boys to 27 Track Points and the last name in this list of the lost.

    🔢 Teams disappearing from the top Track Pointers thanks to Alonso-related points revisions are Double Daley, Hot Hot Hovercraft and Sainz-Tropez

    This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the US grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.


    In the scores for each race, we highlight the Losers teams that scored the least number of Track Points. This kind of un-loserly behaviour is so shocking to us, it makes us faint onto a chaise longue like a Victorian woman. Pass the smelling salts - and these automatic team actions.

    😳 Alfa Daley and Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B each scored 17 Track Points. The third worst in this race, and worthy of an automatic Fast Forecast.

    😳 Alpine Fresh received a flopworthy 14 Track Points. This gets them an automatic Pitlane Punt.

    😳 With a tawdry 14  Track Points are Nikita Putin and Strolling the ranks. An automatic Ejector Seat is on the way to both of those teams.

    😳 This Podium of Shame was revised due to Alonso's penalty redaction. They may have been promoted out of this list, but we're still going to make Cockpit Misfits, Cruther’s Car Co., Your Answer and パンダポップ play their automatic team actions.

    Teams featured in this Podium of Shame will have any resulting points losses waived. We will be in touch with more detail on your automatic team actions.

    THE US

      If you Eject team members and at the next race, you earn more Track Points than the previous pre-Ejected race, you get a 5-point Ejector bribe.

      💺 Pierre Ghastly and Work Shop Boys all earned 5 point bribes.

      💺 Alfa Daley and What Verstappened didn't.

      You should change your team as often as you change your underwear. So at least every six months. Launch an Ejector Seat now.


        Here are the teams that played Boost Buttons in Austin. We've split them into three streams so you can see who scored an advantage from boosting. Some placed boosts themselves and some were automatically boosted.

        🔴 Best Boosts: What Verstappened easily ran the best Boost Button in the US. They're the New York to everyone else's Rhode Island

        🔴 Okay Boosts: We had average results from Double Daley, Alfa Daley, Steady Jordan, The Blue Flag Boys, Vladimir Mazepin and Camber Gamblers - bang in the middle just like, er, Missouri or somewhere

        🔴 Bad Boosts: Acting against their own interest, like Florida in a presidential election, are the poorly boosted Nikita Putin and Strolling the ranks

        On November 1st, we will automatically press every unpressed Boost Button in the entire League. Want to get a slight jump start on the mayhem? Press a Boost Button now.

        THE US
            It's 20 points for a perfect Fast Forecast prediction, 5 points if it's close (within two places for the grid and race predictions, or dropping at least one place on the opening lap), and minus-5 for any other guess. We now give a 'bribe' of 5 extra points to any team that makes two perfect or close guesses.

            Grid Position Forecast  |  Perfect = Schumacher  |  Close = Zhou, Latifi, Ricciardo, Alonso
            Opening Lap Forecast  |  Perfect = Sainz, Magnussen, Bottas  |  Close = Albon
            Race Result Forecast  |  Perfect = Zhou   |  Close = Gasly, Albon, Ocon, Tsunoda

            🔮 Perfect scores: Steady Jordan, Tardi Minardi

            🔮 Close scores: Cockpit Misfits, Nikita Putin, Scrapyard 17 X2, Steady Jordan, Vladimir Mazepin X2, Work Shop Boys

            🔮 Wrong guesses: everyone else

            Poke out your eyes. Jab them right out and throw them in the fire. Replace your eyeballs with crystal balls. See into the future forever. Make a  Fast Forecast for the next race now.

              🎲 Success: Nicholas Nudge Punt  |  An extremely marginal call, which we've explained in this tweet^  |  Won by: Cockpit Misfits, Hot Hot Hovercraft, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened 

              🎲 Success: Top of the Crop Stop Punt  |  Sainz ditched his Ferrari pretty quickly in the race - and yes, we copied and pasted that sentence from the Japan commentary  |  Won by: Camber Gamblers, Henry's Motors, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened

              🎲 Success: Wildlife Wager  |  Daniel Ricciardo rode into the track on a horse - a dang horse!  |  Won by: Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened, Work Shop Boys

              ❌ Failed: Best Laid El-Plans Punt  |  Alonso's (outrageous) post-race penalty almost landed this punt!  |  Lost by: Alfa Daley, Double Daley, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened

              ❌ Failed: Prancing Duck Punt  |  This new punt failed, but then again the odds are high  |  Lost by: Alfa Daley, Double Daley, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin, What Verstappened

              ❌➤ Failed or ongoing: Bernie Earner  |  Come on, Bernie, DO something  |  Lost by: Cockpit Misfits  |  Still being played by: Alpine Fresh, Work Shop Boys

              ➤ Ongoing: Schu Shoo Punt  |  Still being played by: Nikita Putin, Scrapyard 17, Vladimir Mazepin

              Remember, kids, gambling is bad for you. Especially if you don't play a Pitlane Punt now.

              MORE POINTS

              Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in the US (Austin).

              Here is the complete Losers team data for the US (Austin).

              And here's how it's affected the standings.

              Access your personal team page here.

              WHAT'S NEXT?

              We're ramping up for the dramatic season finale. Mexico this weekend, Brazil with its sprint race on 13 November, Abu Dhabi on 20 November, then the announcement of the F1 Losers League champion on 23 November.

              All the more important to fine-tune your team with an Ejector Seat. Go on. Dump your low scorers. Trigger an Ejector Seat now.

              On 1 December, every unused Boost Button will be automatically pressed. Every single one in every single team. So if you have, say, three Buttons you've not yet pressed, you'll get quadruple points for the final two faces. Mayhem!