Losers team scores: Abu Dhabi grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN ABU DHABI

• With their Boost Buttons exhausted, HAASN'T A CHANCE faced a potentially disastrous race. But they dug deep with some seriously risky Pitlane Punts, and topped the scores with 264 points.
• Back of the shed and Mancunian Badboy Racing claim joint 2nd in Abu Dhabi thanks to a rip-roaring Race Points result, bolstered by their Boost Buttons. 210 points each.
• Outside title challenger LockedDownLosers did a decent job on just one Boost Button, nailing 183 points and 4th place, although they were a more averse to Punts than usual.
• Just behind them were Not good on the BENds in 5th with 180. They would have got more if they hadn't kept the low-scoring Gasly on their team.
• Pierre Ghastly came 6th with 171 points: another good Punter.

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Abu Dhabi.

Losers team scores: Saudi Arabian grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN SAUDI ARABIA

• LockedDownLosers topped the scores in Saudi Arabia, a combination of Boosts, Forecasts and Punts giving them the edge. 262 whole points to them. They scored 15 more points from Pitlane Punts than their bitter rival HAASN'T A CHANCE...
• It's remarkable that HAASN'T A CHANCE got 2nd place with 231 points considering they weren't Boosted at all. Again, they threw a load of Forecasts and Punts at the race. They scored 15 more points from Forecasts than their bitter rival LockedDownLosers...
• Mancunian Badboy Racing's two Boost Buttons helped them to 3rd place and an impressive 225 points.
• Panda Pops had an incredible Race Points tally, as did anyone with Williams and Mazepin on their team. A Boost and a Punt topped this up: they get 207 points and 4th place in Saudi.
• Despite only scoring one measly point from Stroll, WereDrivingInReverse secure 5th place and 160 points.
• NEEEOOOOWWWW did the best job of Boost Buttons in the race, although the Buttons were pressed automatically on December 1st rather than through their own choosing. 6th place and 153. Thank us later, NEEE. Can we call you NEEE?
• Worth nothing that the worst scoring team in Saudi Arabia was Team Name. Have a look at the Standings to see how this has affected the season scores.

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Saudi Arabia.

Losers team scores: Qatari grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN QATAR

• Panda Pops popped to top spot in Qatar thanks to two Boost Buttons (woah!), which tripled their points to 114. Their Pitlane Punt loss and Fast Forecast win cancelled each other out.
• Giovinazzi getting sacked worked out well for the Boosted Lou-sers, scoring 84 points and 2nd place.
• 3rd place goes to NEEEOOOOWWWW with 53 points, with Mazepin, oddly, being their least scoring team member.
• Haas Beens enjoyed their best result for five races, with 52 points and ensuring 4th place in Qatar.
• With no help from Boost Buttons, Cruthers Car Co. scored a brilliant 51 points and 3rd place. Thank goodness for those punctures, huh.
• Tardi Minardi complete our list of high scorers, with 47 points and 6th place

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Qatar.

Losers team scores: Brazilian grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRAZIL

• Nikita Mazepimp ran away with the points at the Sao Paulo grand prix after being forced to play a Pitlane Punt due to Break Assist (see below). 150 points and 1st place to them.
• It was a strong showing for several Boosted teams, with Pierre Ghastly claiming 2nd place with 83 points, Tardi Minardi nailing 3rd with 68 points and Lou-sers getting 4th place and 54 points.
• So it was all the more impressive that Clean Trolls find themselves in the top six in Brazil without a Boost Button advantage. Mazepin, Tsunoda, Stroll and Alfa Romeo all scored double-points for Trolls. 53 points and 5th place for them.
• LockedDownLosers redeem themselves after their Mexico malaise, claiming 6th place with 52 points.

Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Brazil.

Losers Team scores: Mexican grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN MEXICO

This was a great race at which to run a Boost Button: it dislodged the US grand prix as the third highest scoring race of the year. Here are the biggest losers in Mexico City.

• Pierre Ghastly spotted our sweary new Motormouth Pitlane Punt and made good f***ing use of it. Their massive Punt win plus a Boost Button gave them 186 points and 1st place in Mexico, 99 points ahead of their nearest rival.
• Bottas's woes helped Tardi Minardi to 2nd place with 87 points. A well-placed Boost Button, there.
• Team Name benefitted from high scores from Tsunoda and Haas alongside a Boost, scoring 3rd place and 75 points in Mexico.
• HAASN'T A CHANCE have become very good at Fast Forecasts. Even without a Boost Button, they find themselves in 4th with 55 points.
• And then we have a gaggle of Losers teams in 5th place with 53 points, namely Cruthers Car Co., Steady Jordan and The Pit Lockers. Well done YOU.

Carry on reading for the full Losers team carnage in Mexico.

Losers Team scores: US grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN THE USA

The US grand prix was an epic battle of team actions between the top three teams in the F1 Losers League, with Team Name, HAASN'T A CHANCE and LockedDownLosers playing eight Pitlane Punts and ten Fast Forecasts between them. Plus all three ran Boost Buttons.

• HAASN'T A CHANCE scored the most points in Texas, a fact we previously missed when we initially declared they had lost the Romeo Oh Romeo punt (see below). They did in fact win the punt and find themselves at the top of the scores.
• Team Name scored 2nd place in the USA with 112 points. More than half of these points came from Team Name's penchant for well-played Pitlane Punts (see below).
• In 3rd place was Not good on the BENds with 90 points, helped by a Punt win and a terrible race for Gasly.
• LockedDownLosers landed 4th place, with good gains across the board from team actions.
• With 81 points and 5th place, it's Tardi Minardi – a poor race points haul was saved by Pitlane Punt success. 
• Despite being let down by a decent performance from Tsunoda, Cruthers Car Co. boosted their way to 6th place and 60 points.
• Honourable mention: A double-whammy of disasters from Gasly and Alpine gave Murraylivesforeverinourhearts a solid 57 points and 7th  place at the US grand prix.

God bless this unites states of losers. Carry on reading for the full Losers team scores in the US.

Losers Team scores: Turkish grand prix

Let's get straight into it.

BIGGEST LOSERS IN TURKEY

• LockedDownLosers threw everything at this race, winning a Punt, losing a Punt, and getting correct and nearly-correct Fast Forecasts (see team actions below), They also pressed a Boost Button. Their average score of 31 was doubled, then inflated to 152 total points once their Punt and Forecast winnings were added on.
• In contrast, Panda Pops did naff all. They just scored well, bringing in 54 Losers points for second place in Turkey, no doubt helped by Vettel's shockingly bad race result and Beige Flag-earning tyre change calamity. Minimal effort, big result, super cool.
• In third place is Not good on the BENds with 38 points, relying largely on Mazepin turning a stonking qualifying performance into a spin (not his fault) and last place.
• NEEEOOOOWWWW and Nikita Mazepimp take joint fourth with 37 points, helped by Mazepin and Haas respectively.
• And in sixth is Lou-sers, who also have Haas on their team. 35 points to them.

Carry on reading for all the lovely Losers team scores for the Turkish grand prix.

Losers Team scores: Russian grand prix

Yes, this is a graphic of Mick Schumacher saying "beep beep" while driving a car. Nothing to do with the upcoming commentary. We just wanted to include it.

Russia was the final default-DRS race of the season. Unless your team moved your DRS to an earlier race (looking at you HAASN'T A CHANCE and Panda Pops), all of your points were doubled in Russia.

One team was forced into playing a Pitlane Punt at the last race because of our super irritating tool called Break Assist. Guess what. It paid off handsomely. They won a tonne of points, doubled because of DRS, and sailed into the Sochi sunset, bottle of celebratory Russian vodka in hand.

Not actual vodka. We don't give out prizes at the F1 Losers League. We give out disappointment and bathos. But not prizes.

Carry on reading to see how Losers teams scored at the Russian grand prix.

Losers Team scores: Italian (Monza) grand prix

There was something animalistic about the way Max Verstappen's car humped Hamilton at the Italian grand prix. Very scary too. Which all seems relevant because, finally, the Wildlife Wager paid off in Italy. That poor frightened rabbit.^

Not only that, but as well as the Giantkiller paying out because of Ricciardo's win, the Merc Merk Pitlane Punt paid out because of Bottas quitting Mercedes. It finally happened! This gave a huge points influx for those wily Losers Teams that spotted then played the punt. Suddenly what seemed like a dominant season win for Team Name looks shaky – see the latest standings here.

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for the Italian grand prix.

Losers Team scores: Netherlands grand prix

Such drama! Such action! So many thrills and spills! No, not the Dutch grand prix, which essentially involved everyone not overtaking home hero Max Verstappen should they be besieged by legions of orange-clad Max fans. We mean the Losers Team scores. Amazing!

A minor prang for Giovinazzi on the opening lap not only cost him aero ability, it also meant a pay-out for the Romeo Oh Romeo Pitlane Punt (bet that an Alfa Romeo car will hit something) and a successful Fast Forecast for the one team that bet he would lose position on the opening lap.

Such a small incident, but with consequences that would define the Losers results in the Netherlands. A bit like Jesus feeding the five thousand, but with Losers Points instead of fish. Come to think of it, we've never seen Jesus and Giovinazzi in the same place at the same time. Iiiinteresting...

Incidentally, there was no Raikkonen in this race. For the Netherlands, and for the next race in Italy, it will be Kubica scoring points for that car instead.

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for the Netherlands grand prix.

Losers Team scores: Belgian grand prix

While the FIA was giving out half scores – pah! – the Losers League gave out loads of full-blooded double scores because (a) we are generous and wise and ever so fabulous, and (b) it was a default DRS (Double Race Scores) grand prix so we had to do it because that's how the League works.

August has seen some changes in the F1 Losers League. This race introduces Fast Forecasts, in which teams can make low-risk predictions. We have also introduced a disruptive new results tool Break Assist, which spells trouble for your team if you don't score enough points.

Good job we have these new additions because there wasn't much to talk about at the shortest grand prix in history. 

Read on for the Losers Teams scores for Belgium, all newly formatted to make everything so much more transparent.

Losers Team scores: Hungarian grand prix

You know that bit in the Usual Suspects where the guy turns out not to be the guy you thought he was and everyone was like "loooool it's him!" and everyone else was like "I know right?!"

At the Hungarian grand prix, you were watching the wrong car. You were all obsessing about Bottas, who topped the driver points, but actually it was all about Raikkonen causing chaos in the pitlane. Kimi's snafu earned a big score for one particular Loser's Team.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that you're allowed to drive into other cars in the pitlane. Read on for the Losers Teams scores for Hungary.

Losers Team points: British grand prix

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN BRITAIN

The cheering crowds were lovely to hear at the British grand prix. What an atmosphere. They were no doubt cheering for the F1 Losers League, because there were 11 Pitlane Punt wagers active at Silverstone, making this the most punted race of the season. 

The crowd is an idiot because every Punt failed. Ocon finished well, which was a failure for the Ocon Odds-on. Hamilton won, which negated the Giantkiller. Bottas kept his job, so that messed up the Merc Merk. A herd of geese didn't invade the Haas garage, so that put paid to the Wildlife Wager fail for this particular race.

And worst of all, the one-off Best Of British Pitlane Punt came to nothing because a British driver didn't retire. By and large, Losers Teams have gained hundreds of points using Pitlane Punts, but this was a stinker.

See the effects of this below. Here are the Losers Team results for Britain. Read on to find out more.

Losers Team points: Austrian grand prix

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN AUSTRIA

Although none of the weather predictions came true at the Austrian grand prix, there was certainly a perfect storm in the F1 Losers League. This is going to take some explaining.

In the last week of June, we launched a new Pitlane Punt. The Ocon Odds-On offered a bet that Esteban Ocon wouldn't finish in the top ten in a specified race. Four Losers Teams took the bait, gambling that Ocon would fail at the Austrian grand prix. And fail he did, breaking his car's suspension on just the third corner of the race.

At 3:1 odds, it would have been a substantial enough pay-out, but with Double Race Scores (DRS) applied, the F1 Losers League ended up giving out more points than Oprah Winfrey gives out cars. We try to balance potential Punt earnings as a percentage of average race scores, to give teams a healthy but controllable boost. But this mix of Punt winning and DRS doubling was a massive boost for some. It was like getting a rocket, fitting it with rockets, then firing it into the heart of the sun which turns out to be a rocket.

Let's have a look the Losers Teams' performance in Austria. You may need to sit down. Read on to find out more.

Losers Team points: Styrian grand prix

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN STYRIA

Two teams did way better than anyone else at the Styrian grand prix. And no, we're not talking about the energy drink cars and the Silver Spoons or whatever Mercedes have as a nickname. We're talking about two Losers Teams.

As we publish this, we are releasing a second Ejector Seat for all of our Losers Teams. What does this mean? You can dump that constructor choice that hasn't been earning enough points for you. Or get rid of two drivers. See how Ejector Seats work here.

Meanwhile, let's see what happened to our Losers Teams in Styria. Read on to find out more.

Losers Team points: French grand prix

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN FRANCE

The French grand prix was surprisingly entertaining, like a grandfather who impersonates Taylor Swift, or a blancmange that knows tap dance. Although the focus was on Verstappen's risky race strategy, our eyes were further down the field. How did our Losers Teams fare at Circuit Paul Ricard?

In one sense, the usual suspects picked up points in France, so there were fewer surprises than usual. In another sense, erm, um... look! A performing blancmange! Look at it wobble! Ha ha ha, it's got tap shoes! Look!

Right, we think we got away with that. How did the Losers Teams do? And why have we got a picture of ATMs? Read on to find out more.

Losers Team scores: Azerbaijan grand prix

THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN AZERBAIJAN

Ouch. That hurt. Sergio Perez winning in Azerbaijan really stung some of our Losers Teams. Especially with it being a DRS (Double Race Scores) grand prix, which means every point lost was an extra kick in the gut.

Still, let's look on the positive side. All over the world, there are cute puppies playing with toilet rolls. There are fields of lambs frolicking on sunlit hillocks. And one Losers Team was very clever indeed, manipulating their DRS in Azerbaijan to great effect. We are in awe. Read on to find out more.

Losers Team scores: Monaco grand prix

 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN MONACO

The Monaco grand prix was all about Charles Leclerc and his home race woes. To borrow an analogy from a different sport, he faced an open goal with no defenders, and then he uprooted the goalposts and threw them into the nearest marina.  

Not only did he top the points by squandering his poll position so badly, Leclerc's disaster vastly affected the result for Losers Teams in Monte Carlo. Any Team that played the Charles Chance Pitlane Punt, successfully betting on Leclerc not finishing in the top six, got themselves stacks of points.

Let's shimmy around hairpin and peer into the tunnel of doom as we explore the fate of the Losers Teams points in Monaco. Read on.

Losers Team scores: Spanish grand prix

 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN SPAIN

Look at you, watching the Spanish grand prix on your big screen telly. Pop corn in one hand, Blue Nun in the other. You've got one eye on the racing action, and one eye on the F1 Losers League app, which is giving blow-by-blow telemetry on the worst elements of the grand prix. The F1 Losers app doesn't exist. It's just some crayon you've scrawled on a piece of toilet paper.

In Spain, one Losers Team absolutely nailed the DRS system to score more points in a single race than any other team so far. While many teams still did pretty well for Losers Points, others will be desperately waiting for the unlocking of the first Ejector Seat, allowing them to dump team choices that are proving to be too successful. Mentioning no names. NORRIS.

Which Losers Teams brought the pain in Spain? Read on.

Losers Team scores: Portuguese grand prix

 
THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN PORTUGAL

What's the most dramatic thing to happen in Portugal? The Roman conquest of Iberia? The overthrow of dictatorship in the Revolution of the Carnations? Vettel pulling into the McLaren pitstop by mistake?

Wrong. It's DRS. One of the key features in modern Formula One is DRS (Drag Reduction System), the booster button that allows cars to overtake. For the F1 Losers League, we have stolen this idea: we created our own DRS (Double Race Scores) function and in Portugal, 22 Losers Teams had theirs activated. Points all over the place!

This means if you did well in Portugal, you did *really* well in Portugal. And if you did badly...

Let's have a peek at the Losers Teams points in Portugal. Read on.