Thursday, 14 October 2021

Losers Team scores: Turkish grand prix

A spun-round Alonso in his Alpine facing oncoming cars, saying "¿Est├ís crazy? You’re all going the wrong way!"

Let's get straight into it.

BIGGEST LOSERS IN TURKEY

  • LockedDownLosers threw everything at this race, winning a Punt, losing a Punt, and getting correct and nearly-correct Fast Forecasts (see team actions below), They also pressed a Boost Button. Their average score of 31 was doubled, then inflated to 152 total points once their Punt and Forecast winnings were added on.
  • In contrast, Panda Pops did naff all. They just scored well, bringing in 54 Losers points for second place in Turkey, no doubt helped by Vettel's shockingly bad race result and Beige Flag-earning tyre change calamity. Minimal effort, big result, super cool.
  • In third place is Not good on the BENds with 38 points, relying largely on Mazepin turning a stonking qualifying performance into a spin (not his fault) and last place.
  • NEEEOOOOWWWW and Nikita Mazepimp take joint fourth with 37 points, helped by Mazepin and Haas respectively.
  • And in sixth is Lou-sers, who also have Haas on their team. 35 points to them.

Carry on reading for all the lovely Losers team scores for the Turkish grand prix.

TEAM ACTIONS IN TURKEY

  • Boost Buttons are here! Press your Button, score double points for two races. Only LockedDownLosers made good use of their Button, gaining 31 points.
  • HAASN'T A CHANCE also pressed a Boost Button. They gained 32 points, which is brilliant, but lost almost all of those points in a failed Pitlane Punt, which is brilli-not. More about that Punt in a moment.
  • Cruthers Car Co. had a shocker. They pressed their Boost Button, but their team member Valtteri Bottas had a rare race win. The minus-25 points Race Win Penalty picked up by Cruthers reduced their score to zero. And double zero is... zero.
  • All three of these Losers teams carry their Boost double to the next race in Miami. Want to Boost your own team? 

Pitlane Punts:

  • LockedDownLosers played the brand new Mazespin Pitlane Punt, which relied on Mazepin having a spin. The Punt was won before qualifying even started. An easy 90 points for LockedDown.
  • Not all is bright and shiny in LockedDownLosers's world. They also played the Romeo Oh Romeo punt, usually a pretty winnable bet, but the Alfa Romeo cars had a pretty decent weekend. The Punt was lost, costing LockedDown a 30-point stake.
  • HAASN'T A CHANCE was terribly unlucky to lose the Ocon Odds-On Pitlane Punt, which relies on Esteban Ocon finishing 11th or lower. His 10th place finish was because he finished the grand prix on just one set of tyres. That's not meant to be possible. A Boost Button-ruining minus-30 points for HAASN'T.
  • Pitlane Punts make way more profits than losses for Losers teams, but sadly we have another loss. Steady Jordan have been playing the Hungry Hungry Yuki punt for a month – it expired without paying off at the end of September. This cost Steady a 20-point stake.
  • There are two ongoing Pitlane Punts. Thomas's Tractors are playing the Wildlife Wager for the next five races, and NotGoodBENds are playing a Break Assisted Hungry Hungry Yuki punt until October 26th.
  • The Better Than Vettel, Giantkiller and Geunther's Plucky Sluggards punts all landed in Turkey, but no teams played them. All those points without a home to go to.

Fast Forecasts:

  • We're talking about LockedDownLosers again. They cannily placed two Fast Forecasts, one predicting Giovinazzi would finish the race in 11th place, and one predicting Raikkonen would finish the race in 11th place. Giovinazzi finished 11th and Raikkonen finished 12th. With 25 points for a correct prediction and 5 points for a near-miss, that's 30 points to LockedDown. Clever game play.
  • The Pit Lockers were Break Assisted into a Fast Forecast predicting Vettel would finish the race in 11th. He came nowhere near. Because it was Assisted, this costs Pit Lockers nothing. 

Ejector Seats

  • Another Break Assist. Last time, Murraylivesforeverinourhearts came last and were forced to play an Ejector Seat. The League dumped Stroll from their team and randomly replaced him with Schumacher, which meant Murraylives earned an extra 9 points in Turkey. We're here to help.

Lucky Spanner: 

  • It's happened! Someone's used their Lucky Spanner! Ethel, get the best china out, we're having a party! After going back and forth with Ejector Seats, Steady Jordan wielded their self-destructing Spanner. Latifi, Schumacher, Raikkonen and AlphaTauri were dumped from their team, replaced wholesale by Tsunoda, Vettel, Bottas and Williams. Pow! Spanner deployed. Maybe not the best race to adopt Bottas onto your team, but still...
Take a team action. See your personal team page here, or use the various links above.


PODIUM OF SHAME

You raise your kid, feed them, clothe them, then they go out into the big wide world to explore all that life has to offer. And what do they do? They end up living in a wheelie bin taking crack cocaine with the rats and the seagulls. That's how disappointed we feel with the three least-scoring Losers teams in Turkey.

  • Tardi Minardi find themselves in 23rd place, suffering from the loss of points from the Bottas win.
  • We'll only include pre-Boosted points for the Podium of Shame, but it made no difference either way for Cruthers Car Co. who claimed zero points and 24th place. Amazingly, they're not last.
  • Taking losing-at-losing to another level, Steady Jordan scored minus-11 points and a solid last place. The double hit of a Pitlane Punt loss and Bottas joining their team made them the turkey of Turkey.

Break Assist

If you don't score enough, Break Assist will ruin things for you. Or improve things for you. It's a double-edged sword, or a twice-crusted breadstick. Every race, we randomly select low-scoring teams to do the following team actions...

  • The low-scoring team randomly picked to make a Fast Forecast is WereDrivingInReverse. At the USA grand prix, they will be predicting that Stroll will make one of the three slowest pitstops of the race.
  • The low-scoring team that has been chosen, at random, to play a Pitlane Punt is Cruthers Car Co. They'll be gambling on the Carlos Car Loss for the USA grand prix, with a stake of 20 points.
  • For ending up in last place, as if they haven't had enough team changes already, Steady Jordan must use an Ejector Seat. With immediate effect, they lose Bottas from their Losers team, which might be a relief. He is replaced with Giovinazzi, which might be an annoyance because Steady dumped him from their team recently. Oh heck.
  • Personal team pages will be updated soon.

LOSERS TEAM SCORES IN TURKEY

1st

LockedDownLosers BB FF PP

152 

2nd

Panda Pops

54

3rd

Not good on the BENds PP

38

4th

NEEEOOOOWWWW

37

5th

Nikita Mazepimp

37

6th

Lou-sers

35

7th

HAASN'T A CHANCE BB PP

34

8th

VroomDoom

34

9th

Gunther's Gonna Get Ya

32

10th

Team Name

32

11th

Haas Beens

31

12th

The Pit Lockers FF 

31

13th

The Tour de France is Better

31

14th

Back of the shed

30

15th

Fernando Analonso

27

16th

Thomas's Tractors PP

27

17th

Pierre Ghastly

24

18th

Clean Trolls

23

19th

Mancunian Badboy Racing

23

20th

WereDrivingInReverse

23

21st

It’s a trap Lando!

22

22nd

Murraylivesforeverinourhearts EJ

21

23rd

Tardi Minardi

5

24th

Cruthers Car Co. BB 

0

25th

Steady Jordan PP LS

-11

   
BB = Boost Button pressed
FF = Fast Forecast played
PP = Pitlane Punt played or playing
EJ = Ejector Seat launched
LS = Lucky Spanner used


MORE POINTS

Here are the Race points for Turkey.

And here's how it's affected the Standings.

Access your personal team page here.

WHAT'S NEXT?

We have now released every Losers Team's fifth and final Ejector Seat. Use your Seats to replace team members – email us if you need guiding through this! The next grand prix is the United States on October 24th, followed by a frantic triple-header in November in Mexico, Brazil and Qatar.