Losers Team scores: US grand prix

BIGGEST LOSERS IN THE USA

The US grand prix was an epic battle of team actions between the top three teams in the F1 Losers League, with Team Name, HAASN'T A CHANCE and LockedDownLosers playing eight Pitlane Punts and ten Fast Forecasts between them. Plus all three ran Boost Buttons.

• HAASN'T A CHANCE scored the most points in Texas, a fact we previously missed when we initially declared they had lost the Romeo Oh Romeo punt (see below). They did in fact win the punt and find themselves at the top of the scores.
• Team Name scored 2nd place in the USA with 112 points. More than half of these points came from Team Name's penchant for well-played Pitlane Punts (see below).
• In 3rd place was Not good on the BENds with 90 points, helped by a Punt win and a terrible race for Gasly.
• LockedDownLosers landed 4th place, with good gains across the board from team actions.
• With 81 points and 5th place, it's Tardi Minardi – a poor race points haul was saved by Pitlane Punt success. 
• Despite being let down by a decent performance from Tsunoda, Cruthers Car Co. boosted their way to 6th place and 60 points.
• Honourable mention: A double-whammy of disasters from Gasly and Alpine gave Murraylivesforeverinourhearts a solid 57 points and 7th  place at the US grand prix.

God bless this unites states of losers. Carry on reading for the full Losers team scores in the US.

TEAM ACTIONS IN THE USA

Boost Buttons: 

• Cruthers Car Co. made up for their zero score at the last race with a respectable 30 extra points from their Boost Button in the USA, largely thanks to a decent points haul from Williams.
• HAASN'T A CHANCE and Team Name gained an extra 21 points from their Boost Buttons, with the latter carrying on their Boost to the Mexico grand prix next month. 
• Despite Tsunoda and Vettel scoring them nothing, Steady Jordan still managed to add 20 points to their total with their Boost. They will Boost again in Mexico.
• And LockedDownLosers did alright, Boosting their score by an extra 19 points. Want to Boost your own team? Do it here. 

Pitlane Punts:

• The revelation that Yuki Tsunoda has been tasting different beefs meant the Hungry Hungry Yuki punt paid out in the USA. That means 100 points to Team Name, who had only just placed the bet, and 50 points to Not good on the BENds, who were Break-Assisted into the gamble after a poor score in Russia.
• Ocon's retirement at the Circuit of the Americas meant an easy win for the Ocon Odds-On punt. LockedDownLosers scoop 90 points and Tardi Minardi get 60 points.
• The Mazespin came good, with Mazepin hitting the gravel in the first practice session of the weekend. However, LockedDownLosers placed the bet too late, so they lose their stake of 30 points.
• LockedDownLosers also lost the Better Than Vettel punt, as did Team Name. They lose stakes of 30 and 20 points respectively.
• There was aggressive wheel-to-wheel combat between Raikkonen and Alonso, but it wasn't enough for the Romeo Oh Romeo punt to pay out. A 30-point stake loss to HAASN'T A CHANCE. On review, we had missed the fact that Raikkonen's car suffered floor damage from his contact with Alonso. This is clearly a Punt win. The Romeo punt pays out and HAASN'T A CHANCE get 120 points.
• Team Name lost the Giantkiller punt, at a loss of 15 points.
• Cruthers Car Co. lost the Carlos Car Loss punt, but this was Break Assisted so it costs them nothing.
• Team Name and Thomas's Tractors are currently playing the multi-race Wildlife Wager punt. No animal incidents in the USA, so they will both be hoping Checo Perez will be mauled by a polar bear in Mexico.

Fast Forecasts:

• HAASN'T A CHANCE nailed their Fast Forecasts at the US grand prix. They correctly predicted an 11th place finish for Giovinazzi, and got almost-correct consolation points for guessing Vettel would finish 11th and Latifi would qualify 16th. The only Forecast they got wrong was Norris losing places on the opening lap. Nevertheless, the 30 points gained made up for their Pitlane Punt loss.
• LockedDownLosers also correctly guessed Giovinazzi for 11th place in the race, and got an almost-correct by guessing Raikkonen for 11th too. However, they lost three Forecasts: Ocon didn't finish 11th, Tsunoda didn't qualify 16th and Vettel didn't qualify 16th. 15 points gained overall.
• Team Name predicted Vettel would finish in 11th place, a close-enough guess to gain 5 points.
• And WereDrivingInReverse was Break-Assisted into a slowest pitstop time prediction for a speedy Lance Stroll, a wildly incorrect prediction that costs Reverse nothing.
• That makes 50 points gained overall from Forecasts in the USA. Not bad. Make a Fast Forecast for the next race now!

Ejector Seats: 

• Because of their terrible Turkish result, Steady Jordan were Break-Assisted into an Ejector Seat before the US grand prix. Bottas was replaced by Giovinazzi on their team.

Take a team action. See your personal team page here, or use the various links above.

PODIUM OF SHAME

It was pretty close at the bottom of the table in the USA, almost as if our Losers teams WANT to be successful instead of the losers we wish them to be. There should be a speed awareness course for losing. A losing awareness course, where a bunch of fantasy league geeks spend a day locked in a room baking but ruining pavlovas, filling in all the wrong numbers in a hard sudoku, and trying to open the impenetrable plastic packaging of a brand new pair of scissors without the aid of a pair of scissors. 

• Pierre Ghastly find themselves in joint 23rd with 15 points, with only Haas scoring them halfway decent points in Texas.
• It was a similar result for WereDrivingInReverse, 23rd place and 15 points. Seriously, why DO they still have Norris on their team?
• In last place is Clean Trolls, their unlucky 13 points aided by a pointless podium from Perez.
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Break Assist: 

If you don't score enough, our interventionist tool Break Assist might force you into a team action against your will. Here we go:

• The randomly-selected low-scoring team that will be making a Fast Forecast is It’s a trap Lando! They will be playing a Penalty Forecast for the Mexican grand prix for Valtteri Bottas.
• Our finger of fate lands on Haas Beens to play a Pitlane Punt. They'll be playing the Russell Hustle at the Mexico and Brazil grands prix, using a stake of 10 points at 5:1 odds.
• And because they came last in the US grand prix, Clean Trolls are made to launch an Ejector Seat. With immediate effect, they lose Perez from their team. He is replaced with Tsunoda.
• Personal team pages will be updated soon.

LOSERS TEAM SCORES IN THE USA

1st	HAASN'T A CHANCE BB FF PP	192
2nd	Team Name BB FF PP	112
3rd	Not good on the BENds PP	90
4th	LockedDownLosers BB FF PP	83
5th	Tardi Minardi PP	81
6th	Cruthers Car Co. BB PP	60
7th	Murraylivesforeverinourhearts	57
8th	Lou-sers	43
9th	The Tour de France is Better	41
10th	Steady Jordan BB EJ	40
11th	The Pit Lockers	37
12th	Fernando Analonso	29
13th	Nikita Mazepimp	29
14th	Thomas's Tractors PP	29
15th	NEEEOOOOWWWW	27
16th	Back of the shed	26
17th	It’s a trap Lando!	26
18th	Panda Pops	26
19th	Gunther's Gonna Get Ya	21
20th	Mancunian Badboy Racing	21
21st	Haas Beens	19
22nd	VroomDoom	16
23rd	Pierre Ghastly	15
24th	WereDrivingInReverse FF	15
25th	Clean Trolls	13

 

BB = Boost Button pressed

FF = Fast Forecast played

PP = Pitlane Punt played or playing

EJ = Ejector Seat launched

LS = Lucky Spanner used

MORE POINTS

Here are the Race points for the USA.

And here's how it's affected the Standings.

Access your personal team page here.

WHAT'S NEXT?

We next move into a triple-header, spending November 7th in Mexico, November 14th in Brazil and November 21st in Qatar (see the calendar here). We'll release a small clutch of final Pitlane Punts soon. And on December 1st, any unpressed Boost Buttons will get automatically pressed and everything will, in technical F1 speak, proper kick off.