A funny thing just happened. We sent George Russell to the shops to get Solero ice lollies. Red Berry flavour for him, Exotic flavour for us. He was surprisingly quick, shimmying past the post box, giving next door's yappy dog a wide berth, his feet hardly touching the ground. Georgie was just yards from the newsagent's front door, Solero success right in front of him – when he was run over by a octopus driving eight bulldozers. That poor guy just can't catch a break.
Russell's apparent curse included, the Styrian grand prix had plenty of loser action. In fact, there were two drivers who scored more than Russell at the Red Bull Ring, and a Beige flag that comes courtesy of Mick Schumacher's wonky bottom.
Who came unstuck in Styria? Read on.
DRIVER POINTS IN STYRIA
Raikkonen, Vettel, Ricciardo, Ocon, Giovinazzi, Schumacher, Latifi and Mazepin each get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 points for crossing the line outside of the top ten. Two drivers failed to finish the race, and therefore get 10 points each: they were Gasly and Russell. Any Losers Team playing the Russell Hustle Pitlane Punt would have got a bunch of extra points in Styria. Nobody did.
Gasly gets the 5-point Earliest Exit bonus for a first lap clash that saw him playing bumper cars with a Ferrari and an Alfa Romeo. He only dropped two places from qualifying to the chequered flag, but it was enough to get Tsunoda the Backwards Bonus and 5 points. Verstappen's easy win gets him the minus-25 Race Win Penalty and struck off our Christmas card list.
Just a couple of Beige Flags for drivers. We feel bad about giving Bottas a bit of a kicking on this website, and we promised to go easier on him. And then he spun in the pit lane at the Styrian grand prix. A Beige Flag and 10 points to him. And it seems a bit cruel, but we're giving Ricciardo a 10-point Beige Flag for feeling homesick. The poor guy is living a long way from his family with limited travel options. Maybe he can crayon a stick-figure family member on his Beige Flag and wave it around like a puppet. That'll help.
In summary: Gasly 15 | Ricciardo 13 | Russell 10 | Bottas 10 | Mazepin 8 | Latifi 7 | Schumacher 6 | Giovinazzi 5 | Tsunoda 5 | Ocon 4 | Vettel 2 | Raikkonen 1 | Verstappen -25
CONSTRUCTOR POINTS IN STYRIA
Aston Martin, McLaren, Alpine, Alfa Romeo, Williams and Haas get 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 and 14 points respectively for their cars finishing the Styrian grand prix outside the top ten. Williams pick up an additional 10 points for their DNF while running in eighth place, while AlphaTauri pick up 10 DNF points for Gasly's early exit.
AlphaTauri pick up the 5-point Earliest Exit bonus AND the 5-point Backwards Bonus, making them the biggest scoring constructor in Styria if you don't take Beige Flags into account. Red Bull won at the Red Bull Ring, which gets them a minus-25 Race Win Penalty.
We're bestowing Beige Flags on two constructors in Styria. Firstly, Red Bull have been feeling so much heat about supposed automated sensors during tyre changes, the FIA is changing pit stop rules. Oops. 10 points and a Beige Flag to Red Bull. Secondly, in an absolute scandal that should be front pages for the rest of the year, it turns out Haas have been making Schumacher drive with a wonky seat all season. Apparently it was Schumacher's mum who spotted the seat's strange angle, not the team's engineers. Oh my. A 10-point Beige flag to Haas.
In summary: Haas 24 | AlphaTauri 20 | Williams 17 | Alfa Romeo 6 | Alpine 4 | McLaren 3 | Aston Martin 2 | Red Bull -15
It's a big few weeks for the F1 Losers League. On June 30th, we unlock every Loser's Team's second Ejector Seat. The Seats help you dump elements of your team. July 4th is the Austrian grand prix. This is a default DRS race, so expect lots of double points. Then on July 18th, it's the British grand prix, for which we have created a special Best of British Pitlane Punt. See this, and the four other playable Punts. here.