This is the complete Losers team data page for the Bahrain grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bribes.
For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page.
What comes to mind when you think of the opening race of the 2022 F1 season? The Red Bulls shuddering to a stop? Pierre Ghastly jumping out of his fireball car? The sleek new cars under the shining lights?
If any of that came to mind, your brain's an idiot. Sebastian Vettel is who you should be thinking about. The man's POORLY, for goodness sake. He picks up 10 beige flag Track Points for being ill (see our full points roundup below). Even worse, F1's super-sub Nico Hulkenberg took Seb's place in Bahrain and the Hulk ended up dead last. That's a whole bunch of extra Track Points he earned for Vettel. So, even though he wasn't even there, sickly Sebastian Vettel tops the Track Points at the Bahrain grand prix. Gasly and Riccardo are close behind thanks to, respectively, their spectacular blow-up and unspectacular slow-down.
Top of the Track Points for constructors are Red Bull, who ended the race in a flurry of technical fails. Something about fuel pumps. We never expected the Bulls to be leading the constructors standings so early on. Four other constructors scored double Track Points in this race – astonishingly for those who followed the Losers League in 2021, one of those was *not* Haas. We truly are in a new era.
Read on for all the Track Points in Bahrain.
Entries are open for the 2022 F1 Losers League.
This is a low-tech fantasy league in which you run the worst possible Formula One team. You get points for backmarkers and blunders and retirement and regret.
All you need to do is pick:
then give your Losers Team a name – and you're good to go! The entry form is here.
At every F1 race, your terrible choices will earn your team Track Points. Watch out for cars that retire or finish way down the order: these will earn the most points. Go to this page to see exactly how Track Points will be awarded.
It's easy to get your picks wrong early in the season, especially with all the new rule changes. Fear not! You can make changes to your team choices using Ejector Seats. In fact, we strongly fine-tuning your team throughout the season using Ejector Seats..
You can attempt to add to your Track Points by:
Sometimes these don't pay off. Often, they do.
It's your choice as to whether you run a high risk team strategy, throwing everything at the wall, or play it cautiously with low-stake Punts. Last year HAASN'T A CHANCE won the League with their choices Latifi, Raikkonen, Tsunoda and Haas. They were one of our most active teams, but they were fairly cautious on strategy until a bold last-minute Pitlane Punt edged them to victory. It was glorious to watch!
Entry to the F1 Losers League is free, and the deadline is lights-out at the opening Bahrain grand prix on March 20th. We have limited entries, so get your team entered now – you can change it as much as you want before the season starts without losing any Ejector Seats. Enter now!
Let's go racing... slowly.
Last year's top ten Losers Teams: 1st HAASN'T A CHANCE, 2nd Team Name, 3rd LockedDownLosers, 4th Pierre Ghastly, 5th VroomDoom, 6th Panda Pops, 7th NEEEOOOOWWWW, 8th Gunther's Gonna Get Ya, 9th Tardi Minardi, 10th Haas Beens.
Last year's worst drivers: 1st Nikita Mazepin, 2nd Mick Schumacher, 3rd Yuki Tsunoda, 4th Nicholas Latifi , =5th George Russell (!), =5th Kimi Raikkonen.
Last year's worst constructors: 1st Haas, 2nd Williams, 3rd Alfa Romeo.
Here are the final standings for the 2021 Losers League, following the Abu Dhabi grand prix. (Full Abu Dhabi round-up here.)
HAASN'T A CHANCE is F1 Losers League champion 2021, having not led the League previously this season. They started the year in 19th place, then dropped as low as 21st. But keeping Haas and Tsunoda on their team eventually paid off, as did their persistence in the face of Fast Forecast losses. Their cautious approach to Pitlane Punts starved them of high-stake wins, but it was a late Chump Punt gamble that won the day. Championships decided by a last-gasp moment of mayhem? Who'd have thunk it.
In second place is Team Name, whose 13-race streak in the lead of the Losers League came crashing down in Abu Dhabi. Their instinctive understanding of the betting system of Pitlane Punts was their strength. In their own words, "I thought it would be funny if I came last by gambling all my points away on Punts, but they kept on winning."
In third place is LockedDownLosers, who ran an extraordinarily tenacious campaign to climb to what was, in the end, a comfortable podium position.
Congratulations too to Nikita Mazepin and his Haas team for being driver and constructor champions. Team boss Guenther Steiner said at the start of the year that points will be hard to come by. Not in the Losers League.
Thank you to everyone who competed in 2021. It's been a lot of fun. We'll run the League again in 2022, as we continue to celebrate the blunders and backmarkers of Formula One.
Read on for the final Standings following the Abu Dhabi grand prix.
BIGGEST LOSERS IN ABU DHABI
Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Abu Dhabi.
The end of an era: that's what they're all saying. And what a thrilling run it has been. Never again will we witness such a dominating performance in a rookie season as Nikita Mazepin's. He ended it all in the most loser-y way possible: by qualifying last then catching Covid and missing the race. He easily topped the points in Abu Dhabi. We salute you, king of spins.
Alfa Romeo topped the constructor points for the first time since the Portuguese grand prix. A possibly demotivated Kimi Raikkonen retired mid-race with brake problems (the car, not him), while Giovonazzi had his own terminal technical trouble. Williams follow just behind with their own double retirement, one of which caused a dramatic end to the race – not sure what happened: we never watch the front of the race.
A whole bunch of retirements at Yas Marina, including retirement points for Nikita not turning up. It's always fun when this injects a whole load of extra points into our Losers team scores.
Read on for all the points in Abu Dhabi.
Here are the latest standings following the Saudi Arabian grand prix. (Full Saudi Arabia round-up here.)
A terrible Saudi Arabian grand prix leaves Team Name in trouble. After the summer break, their lead was over 500 points. The latest race result sees their lead slashed from 224 to 60 points. With clever teamplay from their rivals, they could lose this. They could lose a Losers League. The shame! Or the pride? It's very confusing.
Lots of changes on the loserboard thanks to the Boost Button mayhem, with Panda Pops nipping up to 4th place and WereDrivingInReverse the highest riser. Russell is now one of the top six worst drivers. What happened, George? Aston Martin and AlphaTauri swap positions for the millionth time.
Although Mazepin and Haas have their championships sewn up, there could be a shock in the F1 Losers team championship. Read on for the full Standings following the Saudi Arabia grand prix.
BIGGEST LOSERS IN SAUDI ARABIA
Carry on reading for all the Losers team action in Saudi Arabia.
In the real Formula One race in Jeddah, two determined drivers battled in increasingly erratic ways in one of the tensest championship battles for some time. In the Losers League, Mazepin and Haas topped the points. Again. What a predictable and normal 2021, huh?
Neither Haas car could cope with the Saudi Arabia circuit, a high-pressure tube of a racetrack not unlike the Large Hadron Collider – only dustier and more likely to destroy someone's universe. Schumacher's retirement earned him Early Exit points and Verstappen a free pitstop. Mazepin's restart crash triggered a second red flag and the absolute chaos that was to come for the rest of the race. You do YOU, Haas.
This supercollided plenty of points at the cars, resulting in a great points haul for Losers teams. AlphaTauri got their fourth Backwards Bonus in three races, and we handed out a hefty number of Retirement points. We awarded eight Beige Flags for this race, more than any other race this season. Flags for constructors include fire and a polar bear, but also the death of Sir Frank Williams. Frank, we salute you with our pallid little flag.
Read on for all the points in Saudi Arabia.
PITLANE PUNT: THE 2021 CHUMP PUNT
This weekend's Abu Dhabi grand prix will decide the 2021 F1 champion. That much we know.
But never mind the champ. Who will be the chump?
Predict which driver will lose the championship on Sunday. A straight choice. Lewis or Max. Read on to play this Punt.