Losers team commentary: Spanish grand prix 2022

 

BIGGEST LOSERS IN SPAIN

• Great Track Points. Great Boosting, Great Pitlane Punting. Great Scott! Vladimir Mazepin was the biggest loser at the Spanish grand prix, taking 1st place with 109 points.
• In 2nd place was Strolling the ranks, who beefed up a good 91 Track Points tally with a very well-timed Boost Button. 91 points to them.
• Mazepin's sister team Nikita Putin find themselves in 3rd place with 88 points. Another sharp eye for Pitlane Punts, plus a reasonable-enough Boost Button.
• My heart will Grosjean ran two Boost Buttons in Barcelona, and so appear in this list mainly thanks to a trebling of their Track Points. 84 points and 4th place. Which leads us to...
• ...their sister team Pierre Ghastly, who got 78 points and 5th place. Both of these teams scored an okay number of Track Points. Not bad. Not brilliant.
• In 6th place in Spain, with 53 points, were What Verstappened. Their slightly poor performance was flattered by a Pitlane Punt win.
• Honourable mention: The highest-scoring Losers team that *didn't* run a Boost Button was Hot Hot Hovercraft, who ended up 7th place with 41 points.

This is the commentary page for the Spanish grand prix, featuring highlights of the Losers team action. For this race's full Losers team data featuring everyone's scores, see the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

TOP TRACK POINTS IN SPAIN

Your drivers and constructor earn Track Points for your team, which can then be added to with Boosts, Punts and Forecasts, and improved with Ejector Seats. Here are the Losers teams that earned the most Track Points in this race.

• It's a Trap Lando topped the Track Points in Spain, scoring 39, with Albon and Stroll finally giving them some points rather than zeroes.
• Just behind Lando, stalking them like a bounty hunter, are Vladimir Mazepin whose 37 points were bolstered by two withering Williams cars.
• 34 Track points go to パンダポップ, helped along by adopting Alonso onto their team in time for this race. Also scoring 34 are Strolling the ranks, again assisted by Alonso's 10 points.
• VroomerDoomer did well to score 33, a low score by other race's standards, but enough for fifth highest Track Points here.
• A whole load of teams scored 29 points. Let's just list them, and not talk about them too much lest they get an ego complex. Cruther’s Car Co., Henry's Motors, Panda Pops, The Blue Flag Boys and Your Answer. Well done, I s'ppose.

This commentary page shows just the Losers team highlights for the Spanish grand prix. For the full Losers scores, see the data page.

PODIUM OF SHAME

At every race, we draw your attention to the Losers teams that scored the fewest Track Points. If you see any of these teams in the street, write "YOU ARE A MASSIVE IDIOT" on a placard and beat them to a pulp with it. Alternatively, we can just make them carry out compulsory team actions. Slightly less violent.

• Alpine Fresh and Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B both disappointed with just 19 Track Points. They will each be forced to play an automatic Fast Forecast.
• With the second worst Track Points of the race, we find Mancunian Badboy Racing. Their sad 16 points means they will be poked with a stick and then made to gamble an automatic Pitlane Punt.
• With a tally of just 15, Alfa Daley scored the least Track Points in this race. They also scored the fewest Track Points in Australia. It's as if they've failed to learn their lesson, like a career criminal or a naughty dog. For a second time, they will have their team changed against their will with an automatic Ejector Seat.

Teams featured in this Podium of Shame will have any resulting points losses waived. We will be in touch with more detail on your automatic team actions.

EJECTOR SEATS IN SPAIN

There was hardly any Ejector Seat activity in Barcelona.

• パンダポップ ejected and failed to win an Ejector bribe.

That's it. One team ejected. Want to see a few more drivers or constructors being catapulted from their Losers team in Monaco? Use an Ejector Seat now.

BOOST BUTTONS IN SPAIN

Five Boost Buttons were pressed in time for the Spanish grand prix, bringing our number of boosted Losers teams to eight. When you boost, you want to be scoring as many Track Points as possible. Let's see what happened.

• Vladimir Mazepin put the cherry on the, er, marzipan in Spain because they were the best booster. Their 37 Track Points was doubled, then added to with a 5-point Boost bonus. Strolling the ranks also boosted tastily, doubling their 34 points.
• Middle-tier boosters included My heart will Grosjean and Pierre Ghastly, who each double-Buttoned their 28 and 26 points respectively, plus Vlad's sister team Nikita Putin, who turned their 26 Track Points into a fairly middling 52.
• Following a mediocre Miami, What Verstappened again brought in a poor Boost performance, adding to a paltry 20 Track Points. Sister teams Double Daley and Alfa Daley also did badly, basing their boost on a disappointing 20 and 15 points respectively.

Any team that goes half-a-dozen races without any Boost Button activity will have one of their Buttons automatically pressed. Now we're six races into the season, we're about to get the first automatic Boosts of the season. 

Therefore, the following teams will have a Boost Button pressed for the Monaco and Azerbaijan grands prix, doubling their Track Points: Alpine Fresh, Camber Gamblers, Cruther’s Junior and less well funded team B, Group Team Name, It's a Trap Lando, パンダポップ, Panda Pops, Sainz-Tropez, Spoiler Alert and VroomerDoomer, God-speed, you automated button bashers!

Not on that list and want to double your Track Points? Boost for the next two races now.

FAST FORECASTS IN SPAIN

Remember: it's 20 points for an exactly correct Fast Forecast, 5 points if it's almost correct, and minus-5 if it's very wrong.

• The correct prediction for the Grid Position Forecast was Vettel. No-one chose him, but doff of the hat to the four teams that almost landed their predictions: パンダポップ for guessing Stroll, Strolling the ranks who opted for Albon, and Panda Pops and What Verstappened who both went for Zhou. No incorrect guesses. Easy points.
• Lewis Hamilton and Kevin Magnussen lost 25 places between them when they tangled in the first few corners. Both of them were very much the correct choice for the Opening Lap Forecast. No-one picked Hamilton, although Cockpit Misfits got Magnussen. (Note: Forgot to give the points in Spain: there will be a correction in the points for Canada.) Strolling the ranks were almost there with Zhou. Scrapyard 17 and What Verstappened made incorrect predictions.
• The Race Result Forecast was a total wipeout. Cockpit Misfits, Scrapyard 17, Strolling the ranks, What Verstappened and Work Shop Boys all got their guesses wrong. They should have guessed Vettel. Absolutely terrible.

A marginal net loss for Forecast predicters in Spain. As someone told us on Twitter, that first lap clash really mixed things up. Make a Fast Forecast prediction for the next race now.

PITLANE PUNTS IN SPAIN

• From lap 24 onwards, Alex Albon remained in last or second-from-last place. An easy success for the Williams You Are Really Nothing Punt. Albon's hair is blushing red with embarrassment. Nikita Putin, Scrapyard 17, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened all walk away with 18 points each.
• The Top of the Crop Stop Punt landed when Leclerc's power unit gave up. So we gave out 18 points to Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks and Vladimir Mazepin.
• An oversteering Sebastian Vettel failed to make it out of the first session of qualifying. Just one Losers team spotted the opportunity to land the Seb Schlep Punt. A well-deserved 20 points to Hot Hot Hovercraft.
• The Nicholas Nudge Punt failed to come in, meaning 6-point stake losses for Camber Gamblers, Panda Pops and Vladimir Mazepin.
• Time is running out for Group Team Name, Nikita Putin, Strolling the ranks, Vladimir Mazepin and What Verstappened, who are yet to see success with the Wildlife Wager. One last chance in Monaco. Work Shop Boys are also playing this, although they have a few more race weekends to go yet.

More punts on the way shortly. See the full list of playable Pitlane Punts.

MORE POINTS

Here are the driver and constructor Track Points in Spain.

Here is the complete Losers team data for Spain.

And here's how it's affected the Standings.

Access your personal team page here.

WHAT'S NEXT?

No time to dally. The Monaco grand prix will take place in just a few days. After the gargantuan glitz of Miami, its star-studded celebrities and yachts are going to appear decidedly pedestrian. Have a look at the full 2022 F1 calendar.

We've held off releasing new Pitlane Punts due to other commitments (we've got a LIFE, y'know), but the plan is to release a couple of new punts shortly after we publish these results.

Starting in July, we're making a change to Fast Forecasts. At the moment, you get a 5-point Forecast bribe if you guess two correct 20-point Forecasts. This has happened once in six races, accounting for less than 2% of Forecasts. Absolute rubbish. Expect a tweak from July 1st onwards which should dramatically increase the chances of getting bribe points.