The Miami grand prix felt like a Formula E track, baby. This isn't an insult, as Formula E is brilliant. But it perhaps lacked good racing, with all of the pizazz reserved for the celebrity-packed pitlane and the bizarrely fake marina. It took a safety car from Gasly and Norris's terrifyingly high-impact collision to bring out the kind of chaos we love here at the F1 Losers League, baby.
Magnussen was so full of promise, but here he is topping the Track Points in Miami with a last-lap retirement after a clash with Lance Stroll. Zhou is just behind him, with his second 15-pointer in two races. For races in May and June, the Raceday Special points element pivots to slowest pit lane time: take a bow, inaugural slow-pitter Mick Schumacher, baby.
McLaren, Aston Martin and Haas all scored their highest Track Points of the season. Lando Norris said he ended his race "in a silly way"^, so we take this to mean McLaren are allowing their drivers to wear clown wigs and squirty flower pins. Not sure how this sits with the jewellery ban, but each to their own, baby.
Oh the "baby" comments? Let's explain. This is in tribute to the post-race interviews by the incredible Willy T Ribbs, who said "Great job, baby" to Carlos Sainz and "Awesome job, baby" to Max Verstappen. In fact, his full comment to Verstappen is worth printing here in full:
"Awesome job, baby. Awesome job. All right, champ. Hey, Muhammad Ali told me that when you’re champ, Christmas Day is every day, so another Christmas... plus you're in good shape son, you’re ready to get into the boxing ring?"
Ho, ho, ho, baby.
Read on for all the Track Points in Miami.
TRACK POINTS IN MIAMI: DRIVERS
Finish: Schumacher 5 | Latifi 4 | Ricciardo 3 | Tsunoda 2 | Alonso 1
Retirement: Gasly 10 | Magnussen 10 | Norris 10 | Vettel 10 | Zhou 10 | Cars that retire late in the race are technically classified, but still count as a retirement
Earliest Exit: Zhou 5 | Retired on lap six
Biggest Drop: Tsunoda 5 | Dropped from 9th to 13th (later promoted to 12th)
Raceday Special (Slowest pit time): Schumacher 5 | Only driver that lost over 30 seconds in a pit stop
Beige Flag: Latifi 10 | Rumours abound about being replaced with Oscar Piastri^
Beige Flag: Magnussen 10 | He was joking about his "bad humour and bad BO"^, but come on, Kev, any excuse to give out a Beige Flag
In summary:
|
Magnussen |
20 |
Albon |
0 |
|
Zhou |
15 |
Bottas |
0 |
|
Latifi |
14 |
Hamilton |
0 |
|
Gasly |
10 |
Leclerc |
0 |
|
Norris |
10 |
Ocon |
0 |
|
Schumacher |
10 |
Perez |
0 |
|
Vettel |
10 |
Russell |
0 |
|
Tsunoda |
7 |
Sainz |
0 |
|
Ricciardo |
3 |
Stroll |
0 |
|
Alonso |
1 |
Verstappen |
0 |
TRACK POINTS IN MIAMI: CONSTRUCTORS
Finish: Haas 5 | Williams 4 | McLaren 3 | AlphaTauri 2 | Alpine 1
Retirement: Alfa Romeo 10 | AlphaTauri 10 | Aston Martin 10 | Haas 10 | McLaren 10Raceday Special: Haas 5
Beige Flag: Aston Martin 10 | Their CEO quits after a beef with Lawrence Stroll^.
Beige Flag: McLaren 10 | For having to bat off rumours that they'll sell out to Audi^
In summary:
|
McLaren |
23 |
Williams |
4 |
|
Aston Martin |
20 |
Alpine |
1 |
|
Haas |
20 |
Ferrari |
0 |
|
AlphaTauri |
17 |
Mercedes |
0 |
|
Alfa Romeo |
15 |
Red Bull |
0 |
MORE POINTS
Here is the Losers team commentary for Miami.
Here is the complete Losers team data for Miami.
And here's how it's affected the Standings.
Access your personal team page here.
WHAT'S NEXT?
We had 98 team actions in Miami. Amazing. Things will no doubt calm down for the Spanish and Monaco grands prix, on May 22 and 29. (See the 2022 F1 calendar.) Both often aren't terribly exciting races, with Barcelona being a familiar testing ground, and Monaco with all the inflexibility of a Scalextric set. However, maybe a level of predictability would be good for playing Pitlane Punts and Fast Forecasts.
Some Losers teams are less engaged in the League than others. That's okay: people have busy lives. If you have neglected to do anything with your team this year, we will be in touch to suggest some team actions you could take. Most likely Ejector Seats.
And watch out for a bonanza of Boost Buttons in Monaco as a load of neglected Buttons get automatically pressed by the League.
