THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN IMOLA
It was a long wait, but the cars finally hit the track for the second race of the 2021 F1 season... then promptly spent a lot of time driving off the track.
The half-dry, half-rain weather conditions at the Emilia Romagna grand prix (Imola to its friends) caused mayhem for the Formula One teams. Before you carry on, have a look at the points we awarded to the drivers and constructors in Imola.
How did the Losers Teams fare? Which teams got wet feet? Which teams left their brolly on the bus? Which teams were singing in the rain? Can anyone make sense of these confused metaphors?
Let's look at who did a terrible Italian job. Read on.
Cruthers Car Co., whose name is an anagram of 'Car Crotch Ruse', crashed their way to the top of the table at Imola. They scored 53 Losers Points because they had Williams and Bottas on their team, while the Beige Flag-awarded to Tsunoda certainly came in useful. Quite the turnaround for team Cruthers considering they came dead last in Bahrain.
Tardi Minardi and VroomDoom tied for second in Imola, with Alfa Romeo's moment of safety car mayhem helping them both. The pair have identical Losers Teams choices: it'll be interesting to see if Repair Shop strategies can drive a wedge between them.
Coming up behind them are Panda Pops, who also racked up Losers Points in the previous race in Bahrain, and NEEEOOOOWWWW. Haas Beens took joint sixth place with the phenomenally named Pierre Ghastly. Good work, everyone. You are delightfully rubbish at Formula One.
There's a table with all the Losers Teams scores from Imola below.
PODIUM OF SHAME
Who failed to score enough points in Imola? The following Losers Teams need to, as the Italian phrase goes, sleep with the fishes. Or at the very least, snooze with a seahorse.
Murraylivesforeverinourhearts scored zero Losers Points in Italy. Nought. Nada. Zilch. This is like throwing a dart at a dart board and it landing in the ceiling. And using a brick instead of a dart. Needless to say, Murraylivesforeverinourhearts will be sent immediately to a losers awareness course,
Mancunian Badboy Racing scored badly once again, despite the Beige Flag for their constructor choice Aston Martin. At the bottom of the table, we also find The Tour de France is Better and – shock! – Bahrain's biggest loser The Pit Lockers.
It's okay. We're not offended. We're happy to put this woeful lack of attention to loserdom down to a simple mistake, rather than, as some people may assume, a sinister attack on the entire concept of F1 fails. Harrumph. No, it's fine. Honestly. It's fine. *sits in silence, quietly fuming*
LOSERS TEAM SCORES IN BAHRAIN
It's about to get busy. On April 21st, we'll launch the first Pitlane Punts. On May 2nd, the Portuguese grand prix will be a Double Race Score race (you can move that DRS allocation to a different race if you want), and that will be quickly followed by the Spanish grand prix on May 9th.