A confused Formula One champion

Need help with knowing things? You've come to the right place: the F1 Losers League glossary.

Beige Flags: the erratic Losers Points-earning awards given at every race to specific drivers and constructors (just think of it as an Oscar but, y'know, flaggy and beige)

Backwards Bonus: the extra Losers Points given to a race-finishing car that gets overtaken the most

Calendar: (1) a list of important dates for the Formula One and F1 Losers League seasons; (2) a kitchen bowl used to strain vegetables

Car: a Formula One car which picks up Losers Points, which are then picked up by your Losers Team if you have that car as either a driver or a constructor

Constructor: (1) a Formula One team with a name comprising car brands, sponsor names and something brainstormed on a flip chart; (2) comprises part of an F1 Losers Team

DNF: the Losers Points given to a car that retires from a race

Driver: (1) a Formula One driver, the one with the helmet; (2) comprises part of an F1 Losers Team

DNS & DNQ: a Formula One abbreviation that means the same as DNF in the Losers League

DRS: (1) a team action that stands for Double Race Scores, to be manipulated by Losers Teams for extra points; (2) an abbreviation copied by Formula One for their so-called "Drag Reduction System", ahem, honest

DRS regret: a feeling in the pit of the stomach when you win big on a Pitlane Punt but you didn't select that race for DRS

Earliest Exit: the extra Losers Points given to the car that scores the earliest DNF of the race

Ejector Seats: a team action that sacks and replaces a Losers Team's drivers or constructor (the F1 Losers League's campaign to introduce actual Ejector Seats to F1 continues)

F1: (1) short for Formula One, although we usually use the phrase "F1" when referring to the league, and the phrase "Formula One" when referring to the real-world championship, and then hope you pick up the linguistic clues; (2) the third best key on a computer keyboard

F1 Losers League: this competition, you idiot

Glossary: a precise list of things that mean stuff to help you know, like, whatever things are

Loserboard: what we call the leaderboard

Losers Points: the points you earn as a Losers Team: the thing that makes the Losers League work; the oil in the tank, the power in the horse power, the spanner in the works

Losers Team: the collection of three drivers plus one constructor that comprise your fantasy league team when competing in the F1 Losers League

Lucky Spanner: a last-resort team action that resets a whole Losers Team with new drivers and a new constructor, like that episode where everyone died in Emmerdale

Pitlane Punts: a team action in which bets can be placed by Losers Teams wanting to risk Losers Points for personal gain and/or universal domination

Race Finish points: the Losers Points earned by a race-finishing car

Race Win: a Losers Points penalty given to a car that wins a Formula One race, the ultimate affront to all things loser-y

Team actions: our call-to-action to encourage you to try and increase your points or change your team choices, with actions comprising DRS, Pitlane Punts, Ejector Seats and the Lucky Spanner

Sprint Qualifying / Sprint Race: a new-fangled gimmick designed to make working out the Backwards Bonus much more complicated that it needs to be

Standings: the leaderboard of Losers Teams, and also the leaderboard of drivers and constructors so you can see who is rubbish and who is annoyingly good

Swan: a large white bird, and the subject of an entirely spurious rumour we're attempting to spread in several sections of this website