A confused Formula One champion

Need help with knowing things? You've come to the right place: the F1 Losers League glossary.

Beige Flags: the erratic Losers Points-earning awards given at every race to specific drivers and constructors (just think of it as an Oscar but, y'know, flaggy and beige)

Backwards Bonus: the extra Losers Points given to a race-finishing car that gets overtaken the most

Calendar: (1) a list of important dates for the Formula One and F1 Losers League seasons; (2) a kitchen bowl used to strain vegetables

Car: a Formula One car which picks up Losers Points, which are then picked up by your Losers Team if you have that car as either a driver or a constructor

Constructor: (1) a Formula One team with a name comprising car brands, sponsor names and something brainstormed on a flip chart; (2) comprises part of an F1 Losers Team

DNF: the Losers Points given to a car that retires from a race

Driver: (1) a Formula One driver, the one with the helmet; (2) comprises part of an F1 Losers Team

DNS & DNQ: a Formula One abbreviation that means the same as DNF in the Losers League

DRS: (1) a team action that stands for Double Race Scores, to be manipulated by Losers Teams for extra points; (2) an abbreviation copied by Formula One for their so-called "Drag Reduction System", ahem, honest

DRS regret: a feeling in the pit of the stomach when you win big on a Pitlane Punt but you didn't select that race for DRS

Earliest Exit: the extra Losers Points given to the car that scores the earliest DNF of the race

Ejector Seats: a team action that sacks and replaces a Losers Team's drivers or constructor (the F1 Losers League's campaign to introduce actual Ejector Seats to F1 continues)

F1: (1) short for Formula One, although we usually use the phrase "F1" when referring to the league, and the phrase "Formula One" when referring to the real-world championship, and then hope you pick up the linguistic clues; (2) the third best key on a computer keyboard

F1 Losers League: this competition, you idiot

Fast Forecast: a team action in which you predict outcomes such as drivers getting penalties: not as fast as it seems because it takes ages to read all the options

Glossary: a precise list of things that mean stuff to help you know, like, whatever things are

Loserboard: what we call the leaderboard

Losers Points: the points you earn as a Losers Team: the thing that makes the Losers League work; the oil in the tank, the power in the horse power, the spanner in the works

Losers Team: the collection of three drivers plus one constructor that comprise your fantasy league team when competing in the F1 Losers League

Lucky Spanner: a last-resort team action that resets a whole Losers Team with new drivers and a new constructor, like that episode where everyone died in Emmerdale

Pitlane Punts: a team action in which bets can be placed by Losers Teams wanting to risk Losers Points for personal gain and/or universal domination

Race Finish points: the Losers Points earned by a race-finishing car

Race Win: a Losers Points penalty given to a car that wins a Formula One race, the ultimate affront to all things loser-y

Team actions: our call-to-action to encourage you to try and increase your points or change your team choices, with actions comprising DRS, Pitlane Punts, Fast Forecast, Ejector Seats and the Lucky Spanner

Sprint Qualifying / Sprint Race: a new-fangled gimmick designed to make working out the Backwards Bonus much more complicated that it needs to be

Standings: the leaderboard of Losers Teams, and also the leaderboard of drivers and constructors so you can see who is rubbish and who is annoyingly good

Swan: a large white bird, and the subject of an entirely spurious rumour we're attempting to spread in several sections of this website