PITLANE PUNT: ZERO HERO

After two races, AlphaTauri and McLaren remain on zero points in the FIA constructors championship.

Will they continue this stunning form? Bet that they will remain on zero after race number three. Read on to play this Punt.

Standings after the 2023 Saudi Arabia grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the 2023 Saudi Arabia grand prix.

Barge Bored boost themselves to a healthy championship lead, and now it's up to rival teams to catch up. Ejector bonuses see The Porpoise Driven Life and The Spanish translation of Mancunian Badboy Racing rocket up the loserboard. Keep an eye on VroomDoom too: a good Track Points performance sees them marching towards the top ten.

As for the drivers and constructors, it's all about the papaya. Norris and Piastri remain the highest scoring drivers, while McLaren increase their status as the worst constructor in F1. Inspired by the points you see below? Adopt a high-scorer onto your team with an Ejector Seat.

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team data in full: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2023

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the 2023 Saudi Arabia grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bonuses.

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page. To see what Track Points we gave drivers and constructors, see the Track Points page.

Carry on reading the data.

Losers team commentary: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2023

BIGGEST LOSERS IN SAUDI ARABIA

1st  |  The Porpoise Driven Life  |  76  |  A healthy Ejector bonus and a close Fast Forecast

2nd  |  The Spanish translation of Mancunian Badboy Racing  |  75  |  A double Boost flatters their score

3rd  |  Barge Bored  |  69  |  A single Boost on very good Track Points, and a close Fast Forecast to boot

4th  |  Skid Blocked  |  56  |  Helped by a close Fast Forecast and a Boost Button

5th  |  Spoiler Alert  |  55  |  Best Track Pointer of the race AND the only team to get a perfect Fast Forecast

You can see the full scores for this race on the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Saudi Arabia grand prix 2023

On lap one of a relatively dull race, Oscar Piastri bashed his front wing, leaving his teammate Lando Norris to run over the debris. McLaren were already the biggest losers going into the second grand prix of the season, and their double pitstop so early in the race helped again make them the highest scoring constructors of the weekend.

While his fellow green giant Fernando Alonso claimed his on-off 100th podium of his career, Aston Martin's Lance Stroll claimed the earliest exit of the race with a technical problem. His retirement triggered a safety car despite parking his car neatly off the circuit, giving us one of the few moments of drama in the race.

Also worth a mention is Alexander Albon, who brought in retirement points for Williams after a brake failure on the fastest street track in the universe. Guess you don't really need brakes in Jeddah.

Read on for all the Track Points in Saudi Arabia.

Pitlane Punt: F I Eh?

FIA president Mohammed Ben Sulayem has caused controversy by meddling too much in F1 and its future ownership, and for misogynistic remarks.

Will Ben Sulayem continue to be a thorn in F1's side? Bet that the controversies will continue. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: Oscar the Slouch

McLaren rookie Oscar Piastri had a rotten debut in Bahrain, running in 16th then becoming the first retiree of the 2023 season.

Will he keep up this incredible pace? Bet that his poor season will continue. Read on to play this Punt.

Pitlane Punt: Parts Penalty Peril

If F1 constructors use too many power unit or gearbox components, they face a grid penalty. An engine failure for Ferrari's Charles Leclerc has left him on the brink of such a penalty.

Everyone loves a penalty shoot-out, right? Bet on a parts-related grid penalty happening at the next race. Read on to play this Punt.

Standings after the 2023 Bahrain grand prix

Here are the latest standings following the 2023 Bahrain grand prix.

Barge Bored boosted well in Bahrain and take a strong early lead of the championship. Last year, their teams Alfa Daley and Double Daley finished 25th and 20th in the standings, so this makes a change. The highest-placed brand new player is Teds Shorts in 10th: not a bad start with plenty of races to go.

Newbie Oscar Piastri starts the season as the worst driver in F1, while McLaren kick off the season with a seemingly unassailable Losers lead in the constructors' listings. Fancy adopting a high-scoring driver or constructor for your team? Use an Ejector Seat now.

Read on for the full Standings.

Losers team data in full: Bahrain grand prix 2023

Here is the complete Losers team data page for the 2023 Bahrain grand prix. It features all the Losers team scores at this race, including Track Points and points from Boosts, Forecasts, Punts and Ejector bonuses.

For the commentary page featuring just the Losers team highlights, see the commentary page. To see what Track Points we gave drivers and constructors, see the Track Points page.

Carry on reading the data.

Losers team commentary: Bahrain grand prix 2023

BIGGEST LOSERS IN BAHRAIN

1st  |  Barge Bored  |  76  |  A well-timed Boost so early in the season

2nd  |  Tardi Minardi  |  42  |  A decent haul of Track Points plus a close Fast Forecast

3rd  |  Pierre Ghastly  |  41  |  Biggest Track Pointer but didn't Boost

4th  |  Hot Hot Hovercraft  |  39  |  Strong Track Points result

5th  |  Mancunian Badboy Racing  |  39  |  Again, did well with Track Points

You can see the full scores for this race on the data page.

Carry on reading this commentary.

Track Points for drivers and constructors: Bahrain grand prix 2023

Oscar Piastri got the 2023 F1 Losers League off to a roaring start on Sunday when he ended his F1 debut after just 14 laps. His electrics conked out, probably possessed by the spirit of fellow Aussie struggler Daniel Ricciardo. In fact, both McLarens had a stinker, with Lando Norris pitting 92,000 times.

The papaya gang had a very visible meltdown, scoring three-times more Track Points than any other constructor. This helped remove attention from the silliest loser of the race. Esteban Ocon piled penalty upon penalty for his Alpine team, and then got a penalty for it. He was in his own penalty shoot-out, kicking the ball in his own face over and over again.

Before we get into the Track Points for this race, hat doff to last year's Losers champion Vladimir Mazepin. Instead of competing, VladMaz will join the dark side in 2023, working behind the scenes to help the League come up with devious Pitlane Punts and other schemes to keep teams on their toes.

Read on for all the Track Points in Bahrain.

Enter the 2023 F1 Losers League

You have until lights-out at the first grand prix of the year, which is in Bahrain on March 5th, to enter the 2023 F1 Losers League.

Why should you enter this upside-down fantasy league? There's no reason why you should. There are far better ways to spend your time, such as crochet, beekeeping or naked ice hcokey.

However, if you want to enjoy this year's F1 season in a slightly skewed way, the F1 Losers League is for you. The League celebrates the backmarkers and blunderers of Formula One, not its front-runners and superstars. Get points for poor car performance, and build on those points as failures and follies beset this year's drivers.

In the Losers League, you earn Track Points. This erratic scoring system is explained here in full, but essentially you get the most points for cars finishing outside the top ten or retiring. You should pick three drivers and one constructor for your Losers Team that you think will earn most Track Points.

Your team is not fixed! You can change your team using Ejector Seats. This year, you get one per race. If a team member isn't pulling in the points, eject them into the stratosphere and pick a worse replacement. Yes, worse! This is a Loser's League after all.

That's the core of the League. In addition to this, there are Boost Buttons, Fast Forecasts and ever-changing Pitlane Punts. If you're brand new to the League, deal with these later. Just get your entry in.

We strongly encourage entrants to enter TWO teams. You don't have to, but it's quite nice to have a back-up if one of your teams seems permanently dead in the water.

Go on. Enter now. Don't miss the deadline. And do tell your friends - you can tag us on social media (accounts listed on our contact page).

Happy losing!